What would you do? Child related......

LEJC

nfollows1982 wrote: »

Ok, I will be honest about how I am feeling now, and that is to do nothing.

my ex who can be pretty damn nasty when she wants to be.


Does that make me sound like a bad parent for taking a step back and seeing how things develop?

You asked as part of a comment I posted to put myself in your shoes...

OK ...honestly...taking a step back now I think would be the worse thing you could do...you are playing into the hands of your ex who will simply tell your son whether its the truth or not

"daddys got a new family...hes no time for you..."


Now its more important than ever to contact your son and involve him so that he doesnt feel excluded from any time with you

The birth of yours and your wifes first child together is a defining moment in your relationship and very special but you need to keep your son involved and even possibly increase contact more to ensure he is not deflected from the family

rpc

nfollows1982 wrote: »

I have got her mobile number and the home number.

She hasn't replied to my texts and she ignores my calls on the mobile. If I ring the home phone, as soon as her or her partner realise it is me calling, they put the phone down.

It's not like I haven't tried.

What if you just turn up the next time you are scheduled to have him? Even if you don't get to have him for the weekend, hopefully he will know you tried.

If she refuses to communicate at all, I see little alternative to the legal route. It would be different if she refused vists, but permitted other contact. She says she wants to stop visits, but then changes his phone number and refuses your calls? It sounds to me more like she sees this as an excuse to cut you off completely.

Amanda65

nfollows1982 wrote: »

Ok, I will be honest about how I am feeling now, and that is to do nothing.

I really want to see my son but there is a little part of me who feels that leaving things the way they are at the moment will give him time to think about if he is missing his time with us and ulitmately if he wants to resume contact.

I don't like conflict, I certainly don't want to get into a war of words with my ex who can be pretty damn nasty when she wants to be.

I want him to be happy at the end of the day and I don't want to force him into a situation that makes him feel uncomfortable.

Does that make me sound like a bad parent for taking a step back and seeing how things develop?

Not a bad parent, just one who is at the end of his tether tbh. However, remember that in all of this is an 11 year old boy who is dealing with lots of life changes and needs his Dad and step-family more than he realises at the moment. Do not 'punish' him because you feel frustrated and hurt (guess you are feeling somewhat rejected by DS in all of this as well). How long do you wait for him to miss you? Another month, 6 months, a year? Sometimes situations can just 'happen' and before you know it, the opportunity to make amends has passed.

Give you Mum a letter to give to him next week. Tell him you miss him and love him and need to be able to contact him and take it from there.

nfollows1982

The last conversation I had with him I told him exactly that - he was loved, missed, wanted and a massive part of our family.

Until my ex decides to reopen the lines of communication parent to parent I cannot rectify the lack of him coming to see me overnight.

I agree though that I need to find a way of relaying the above message to him whenever possible so, even if his mum is using those tactics, he knows how I really feel.

nfollows1982

rpc wrote: »

What if you just turn up the next time you are scheduled to have him? Even if you don't get to have him for the weekend, hopefully he will know you tried.

If she refuses to communicate at all, I see little alternative to the legal route. It would be different if she refused vists, but permitted other contact. She says she wants to stop visits, but then changes his phone number and refuses your calls? It sounds to me more like she sees this as an excuse to cut you off completely.

Because the last communication I had from her, well it was her husband (sons step-dad) in fact, I was told in no uncertain terms not to go to their house or he would 'smash my face in'.

I don't want to go round and cause a massive scene in front on my son or indeed have my face 'smashed in' as I am a lot better than being dragged down to their level.

I'm a sensible person and capable of discussing things with my ex on a parent to parent basis, unfortunately, she isn't.......at least at the moment anyway

red_devil

he is getting older all the time so its going to get harder to keep him away from you. The ex may shoot herself in the foot in the long run. He isnt a little baby anymore.

what do the rest of the family say? Arent there grandparents, aunts uncles etc.

POPPYOSCAR

[QUOTE=red_devil;56930263]he is getting older all the time so its going to get harder to keep him away from you. The ex may shoot herself in the foot in the long run. He isnt a little baby anymore.

what do the rest of the family say? Arent there grandparents, aunts uncles etc.[/QUOTE]

It does not matter how old the child is, very often the parent who the child lives with retains control for various reasons.

nfollows1982

red_devil wrote: »

he is getting older all the time so its going to get harder to keep him away from you. The ex may shoot herself in the foot in the long run. He isnt a little baby anymore.

what do the rest of the family say? Arent there grandparents, aunts uncles etc.

My mum does her best, but she's 60 years old and I don't want to stick her in the middle of all this, I don't think that's doing right by my mum.

My parents are obviously supportive, I talk to them all the time and they support me when I ask them for advice.

My ex actually rang my mum after the last time I spoke to my son and told her that she can still take him to football but that I'm not allowed to see my son and she's not allowed to bring him back to where we live so she can have him overnight.

What she was trying to achieve by ringing my mum I don't know!

nfollows1982

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

It does not matter how old the child is, very often the parent who the child lives with retains control for various reasons.

That is the opinion of my ex.

She says that my son is a minor, she is the one who makes the decisions on his behalf and if she says no, it means no despite if it it goes against what my son actually wants

Amanda65

nfollows1982 wrote: »

That is the opinion of my ex.

She says that my son is a minor, she is the one who makes the decisions on his behalf and if she says no, it means no despite if it it goes against what my son actually wants

Funny how she calls the shots in her house but objects to you having rules in yours