What would you do? Child related......

POPPYOSCAR

nfollows1982 wrote: »

That is the opinion of my ex.

She says that my son is a minor, she is the one who makes the decisions on his behalf and if she says no, it means no despite if it it goes against what my son actually wants

Yes, sadly this is the case.

It is one of the unfortunate aspects of break-ups.

In my experience even the courts do little sometimes to rectify the injustice.

Bitter exs can have a hold over children that is hard to break.

POPPYOSCAR

nfollows1982 wrote: »

My mum does her best, but she's 60 years old and I don't want to stick her in the middle of all this, I don't think that's doing right by my mum.

My parents are obviously supportive, I talk to them all the time and they support me when I ask them for advice.

My ex actually rang my mum after the last time I spoke to my son and told her that she can still take him to football but that I'm not allowed to see my son and she's not allowed to bring him back to where we live so she can have him overnight.

What she was trying to achieve by ringing my mum I don't know!

One thing - Control.

Sambucus_Nigra

I'd ask your mum to ask your son what he wants you to do.

nfollows1982

It is definitely a control thing and perhaps it does stem from my ex being unhappy that my son is brought into such a different dynamic than she provides at home, I honestly don’t know.

I just didn’t want to start this thread with the attitude ‘my ex is a ***** and this is what she’s done’ as all I am interested in is doing what’s right for my son.

It’s just so frustrating that as the non-resident parent, in a time where men think it’s acceptable to impregnate the world and run a mile, that I’m so dedicated to my son and his upbringing and want to be involved in his life yet she retains all this control over his life.

POPPYOSCAR

nfollows1982 wrote: »

It is definitely a control thing and perhaps it does stem from my ex being unhappy that my son is brought into such a different dynamic than she provides at home, I honestly don’t know.

I just didn’t want to start this thread with the attitude ‘my ex is a ***** and this is what she’s done’ as all I am interested in is doing what’s right for my son.

It’s just so frustrating that as the non-resident parent, in a time where men think it’s acceptable to impregnate the world and run a mile, that I’m so dedicated to my son and his upbringing and want to be involved in his life yet she retains all this control over his life.

All you can do is be there for him.

Frustrating as it is, not a lot you can do really. If the ex is determined to undermine you, unfortunately she does have the upper hand.

Some parents do not get a decent relationship until their children are adults (and have children of their own possibly) and even then a dominating parent can still come between that relationship at times.

A break in contact can stretch out a very long time.

red_devil

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

It does not matter how old the child is, very often the parent who the child lives with retains control for various reasons.

they dont hold the control forever?

tattycath

red_devil wrote: »

they dont hold the control forever?

This is true and karma is a wonderful thing

POPPYOSCAR

red_devil wrote: »

they dont hold the control forever?

Quite.

Sometimes that control is held forever in some ways.

LEJC

At some point your son WILL have control of his life and until the point he makes his own decisions you need to have as many channels of communication open with him as you can....

If you do not keep intouch with him,by whatever means there are he may end up seeing you as the absent father...

At the moment your ex and her partner clearly play a huge part in his life and because of distance you may not be able to be involed..

You need to balance your new family with your old and this may mean that you have to spread yourself thinner than you would like between the two familes but it is essential in the next year that you do involve your son in your life or you may find that he will resent you in years to come and once theres been a break in communication and routine its very easy to "forget" someone especially if his mother is not painting you in a true light

rpc

nfollows1982 wrote: »

Because the last communication I had from her, well it was her husband (sons step-dad) in fact, I was told in no uncertain terms not to go to their house or he would 'smash my face in'

Report it to the police. They don't have to do anything, but get this sort of thing on record.