What would you do? Child related......

amus

Was the reason you moved away to be with your new wife?

Could this be the reason for your exes resentment? Looking from her point of view, where her only priority is her son, I probably wouldnt be too happy for my kids to have the upheaval of having to travel a 400 mile round trip every other week to see their Dad who made the choice to move away.

If you lived close to your son and saw him regularly, then took the decision to move away, you cannot expect to have the same input as you would if you lived closer. It does sound like because you now have a new family you are expecting him to slot in perfectly with your wife and her daughters, and maybe your ex is picking up on this?

I dont mean to sound harsh you do sound like you really care for and are a good influence for your son, but if you split from your ex 9 years ago you must have been having 'successful' contact with your son for some time, and therefore there must be a reason that this has broken down.

I understand you not wanting your son to play computer games all the time, but at the same time you have said your son does come out on days out with you, and that you do spend one on one time with him. Also that his step sisters ask about him, so it doesnt sound all that bad. Most 11 year old boys I imagine like to spend most of their free time on video games. Do you think maybe your expectations of him and his desire to participate in 'family time' are perhaps unrealistic? It can often take many years to become comfortable with a new family setup, 18 months really isnt all that long to expect him to be playing happy families with you.

That said, I dont agree with your ex stopping all contact and stopping your Mum from seeing him, if she is not happy with things she should be dealing with it in an adult manner.

Like I said Im not meaning to be scathing, Im just trying to suggest how your ex may see it. Her priority is her son, your priorities are your son AND your new family, its bound to cause a clash of interests.

Fire_Fox

You must fight this with the help of Families Need Fathers; for your son to have a happy and successful future he needs more than just education he needs to know Dad loves him and will always want to see him. Otherwise your ex can spend the next few years brainwashing him that you chose your new family and the new baby over him, whereas at present your son knows it is his mother who is blocking the contact. Your son will be able to make the decision or contribute to the decision making process in court well before he is 16. Surely any contact is better than no contact? I doubt you could even write or send gifts as it stands.

I had a poor relationship with my mother for a good number of years before I left home at 17 and we barely spoke for a year. Later we went to a few counselling sessions and I suddenly realised my mother loves me very much (well duh!). We have a fantastic relationship now, those years that were hard mean nothing because, with the benefit of hindsight, I can see that our entire family dynamic was not what I childishly believed at the time. It could be the same for you, even if there is a gap of limited contact I am sure you fighting for your son would mean the world to him in the future. Even writing to your ex's solicitor yourself with the support of FNF is going to cost her ££££££ but you only time.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

Like I said Im not meaning to be scathing, Im just trying to suggest how your ex may see it.

Her priority is her son, your priorities are your son AND your new family, its bound to cause a clash of interests.

Not all resident parents are like this! Some are quite happy to use a child as a pawn in power struggles with the NRP.

samtoby

I would fight this. Take it to the courts.

Part of the courts work is to examine the child's best interests. The child is seen by a CAFCASS officer (may have wrote it wrong) and the child will be asked what they want and what has been happening past and present. I believe if you look at the situation as it stands this kind of situation may cause some relief. Your son will say that he has not seen you for a few weeks and he was will say that he used to see his Nan but that has stopped as well. You have proof of threats. Generally the courts side with every other weekend if this is what happened before and child is happy just some considerations possibly. It will then be a Court agreement she breaks it or you in fact you face trouble. Once a decisions made she has to abide.

I think from what you have said this is about you and your family and by no means is of any best interest of your child. How very sad.

FBaby

Did you witness the call he made to his mum? Could he have called angry and tearful, uploading all his teenage sorrow, telling her he hated coming over, that you prosecuted him, that he was treated like furniture, forced to do activities that he doesn't enjoy, that you never spend time with him, accusations that would explain why his mum reacted the way she did?

You both (his mum and you) seem to put a lot of trust in everything he says about one another. It is quite common for a child in this situation to feel pressured (even if it isn't in any way the intention of the parent) to show solidarity in their parents position. In your case, to say that it is all his mum not wanting him to come (because he doesn't want to admit to you that at times, he is bored and frustrated that he can't get on with his own things), and to tell his mum that you are treating him differently (because he doesn't want to admit that he knowns deep inside that he spends too much time on his phone/computer when he is with you).

amus

Mojisola wrote: »

Not all resident parents are like this! Some are quite happy to use a child as a pawn in power struggles with the NRP.

I know that all too well.

However, we have only heared one side of the story to be fair.

As much as I have seen the resident parent using their child as a weapon, which is wrong. I have also seen the NRP expecting their child to slot perfectly into their new families lives/routines. Forgetting that just because they have decided to enter into a new family arrangement, it does not mean the child will be happy to do the same.

Mojisola

amus wrote: »

I have also seen the NRP expecting their child to slot perfectly into their new families lives/routines. Forgetting that just because they have decided to enter into a new family arrangement, it does not mean the child will be happy to do the same.

Having read the detail the OP has given about the way the time with his son is arranged, I don't think this is true in this case.

seaglass4

Hi there,

Sorry I haven't read all the thread, but have you thought that it may be your ex who needs some reassurance. Your son has had the opportunity to hear your reassuring words but has your ex. her role will change with this new child, especially as she only has one child, she may not realise that as you gain children your love grows not that it gets spread further.

My dh's ex. knew about my pregnancy but it was only as it became more real that she became more insecure, sharing that insecurity with my stepson. When the baby was born and we didn't stop loving or including him things went back to normal. Although when we went onto have a boy she reacted in a similar way. I know your patience must be stretched to the limit and demands from a woman who you have long since separated with must be incredibly frustrating but by stepping back you might be confirming her worst fears.

Just a thought, could be completely wrong!