What would you do? Child related......

19lottie82

missindecisive wrote: »

Hello, sorry I havn't read the whole thread

And I should have read that part of your post sorry! :rotfl:

Update is, it turns out it's the OP's ex who is poisoning his DS against him and won't let him visit or have contact.

missindecisive

nfollows. Listen you sound like your doing your upmost to make the best of the situation. You are trying your best and thats all you can really do. He's at an awkward age. Just keep going...keep at it, you will get there. Have you seen that film 'Diary of a wimpy kid-dog days' ? Watch it !! :beer:

Mojisola

nfollows1982 wrote: »

My mum had a good chat with my son about the issues that have been discussed in this thread; he is adamant that he’s not the one who has a problem with coming to stay, it’s his mum.

He has told my mum that he has enjoyed the days out we’ve had, he hasn’t got any issues with the 3 girls and that his mum has been sending him to my house with instructions not to get involved and to do his own thing.

He’s withdrawn himself from the activities that we do as a family because his mum has said to him ‘the girls are not your sisters, that’s not your family and you shouldn’t have to take part’.

The issue is nothing to do with a teenage boy wanting to do his own thing - it's a problem with a mother who is poisoning her son against his father and his new family.

FBaby

Reading again your first post, something doesn't ring right. You had regular access, but suddenly she turns into the ex from hell. Something must has happened during that last visit that made her turned 360 degrees. You say that you told your son not to be on his phone all the time and that prompted him to call his mum to tell her? Why did he do that?

I could be totally wrong, hope I am, but it sound to me like your child is playing both of you up, telling you/your mum what you want to hear about contact with you, but telling his mum something totally different. Before going all guns out back at the ex, I would question what your son could be telling her about his time with you.

kj*daisy

Keep all the evidence, all the texts,Facebook pages etc. write notes of everything that's happened and been said now, so it's fresh in your memory. Get your mum todo the same. And get some advice from a lawyer with some backbone. That one doesn't want your case. As others have said contact families need fathers, it might be tough but I think from what your sons said he wants you to try, he must feel so powerless against your ex and her partner. You need to be his power. Just remain calm and make it clear you are doing this because your son deserves a relationship with his father, best of luck I hope it works out as you deserve it too.

marisco_2

nfollows1982 wrote: »

He is an only child and as far as I can tell he has very little by the way of house rules at home, whereas we have rules in place that help keep the household from turning into a riot!

His mum doesn’t like this and she has said that my son doesn’t have to live by my house rules and that he can come and do whatever he wants.

The main issue is regarding the use of electronics (laptop, phone etc). He spends a lot of time at home on these, before and after school and most of the weekend. In his mum’s words ‘he doesn’t interact with us so you shouldn’t expect him to interact with you’ and ‘he’s not interested in being part of your family he just wants to play on his games’.

I want to see him, but I want more of a relationship with him than him sat on his laptop all weekend and not interacting with me or anyone else.

She is now refusing to let him come and I haven’t seen him for 4 weeks. She has changed his mobile number so I can’t ring him and she is refusing to talk to me!

I want him to come, but I expect that when in my house he lives by my rules and doesn’t sit isolated for 48 hours before going home.

God how awfully sad. I cant bare parents like your ex who use children like some kind of pawn in a game. He is a young, impressionable boy who should be encouraged at all times to mix with every member of his family and build positive, loving relationships with them. Not have his head stuck in technologoical gadgets effectively cutting himself off from stimulating contact and all manner of useful influences.

What kind of mother blatantly states what I have highlighted above without a care or concern? Can she really not understand how damaging that approach and opinion are to the son you two have together. In a very short space of time he is going to be a young man who will need to fit into society. If he is never given the opportunity to socialise, mix, debate, learn give and take, accept that he has to tow the line and compromise, have respect of others etc how will he be succesful in life. That is what the family life you want him to be a part of would teach him isn't it.

I have no idea how to rectify this problem but wanted to say I can see your point of view and respect where you stand on this whole situation. I hope you find a way to contact your son again and can build a good relationship with him. One day he will recognise which of his parents had his best interests at heart all along.

Mrs.W_2

FBaby wrote: »

Reading again your first post, something doesn't ring right. You had regular access, but suddenly she turns into the ex from hell. Something must has happened during that last visit that made her turned 360 degrees. You say that you told your son not to be on his phone all the time and that prompted him to call his mum to tell her? Why did he do that?

I could be totally wrong, hope I am, but it sound to me like your child is playing both of you up, telling you/your mum what you want to hear about contact with you, but telling his mum something totally different. Before going all guns out back at the ex, I would question what your son could be telling her about his time with you.

The above sentiments went through my mind too.

rpc

OP wife is pregnant, so it may be that the news of this has caused the ex to flip. Or it could be something else.

nfollows1982

FBaby wrote: »

Reading again your first post, something doesn't ring right. You had regular access, but suddenly she turns into the ex from hell. Something must has happened during that last visit that made her turned 360 degrees. You say that you told your son not to be on his phone all the time and that prompted him to call his mum to tell her? Why did he do that?

I could be totally wrong, hope I am, but it sound to me like your child is playing both of you up, telling you/your mum what you want to hear about contact with you, but telling his mum something totally different. Before going all guns out back at the ex, I would question what your son could be telling her about his time with you.

The total change in the circumstances came about as a result of the last weekend that he was with us.

It turned out that as soon as I said that about the phone, he text his mum saying ‘he’s told me about my phone’ and she replied saying ‘it’s your phone you can do what you like’.

I had no idea that this had happened until the Saturday afternoon when his mum rang me about it, the conversation then turned to what has been discussed in this thread, and I was told to take him home immediately after him getting back from football.

That is all that happened. There have been no other incidents like this, the reaction and the current situation has all come about from this one thing.

His mum text me on the Sunday saying that he wasn’t coming anymore and that was her decision to make and not my sons, but said things about my son being unhappy when he is with me etc.

I then had telephone contact with my son the following week, spoke to him about what his mum had said, I then get the phone call from the step-dad (where I was threatened) and told my son had ‘called his mum a liar’ for what she had said to me.

This then resulted in his mum changing his mobile number, ignoring my texts and calls to find out why, and ultimately banning my mum from seeing him too.

To answer your question/thoughts, I honestly don’t know.

He maintains he is happy when he speaks to me and my mum but then get a totally different story from his mum.

nfollows1982

rpc wrote: »

OP wife is pregnant, so it may be that the news of this has caused the ex to flip. Or it could be something else.

She was one of the first people we told. I told her the news before we had even spoken to my son and the girls. I didn’t think it was right that she would hear the news from my son and that my son may want her support to talk about it if it was bothering him.

She’s known for 19 weeks, it’s not like she’s only just found out and then flipped!!