To have children or not - how do you decide???

ciderwithrosie_2

People keep mentioning having children means making huge sacrifices to your life – maybe I didn’t have much to ‘sacrifice’ in the first place but I can only think in terms of what my children have brought to my life – they have made me a hugely better person without doubt.

POPPYOSCAR

ciderwithrosie wrote: »

People keep mentioning having children means making huge sacrifices to your life – maybe I didn’t have much to ‘sacrifice’ in the first place but I can only think in terms of what my children have brought to my life – they have made me a hugely better person without doubt.

Which just goes to show that the experience can be a different one for everybody.

Norma_Desmond

Decision making as such never even came into it for me; I've always known that I'd never have children - ever.

I just don't like kids and the lifestyle that goes with being a parent.

DH feels the same - and we'd stated our feelings literally within days of meeting each other.

We're in our late '30s now and it's the best thing we 'never' did.

VestanPance

In the reverse to the above post the worst thing for me is that now I know I'll never have a child or family of my own.

I walk past fathers going down the street with their kids and wonder if they know just how rich and lucky in life they really are.

POPPYOSCAR

VestanPance wrote: »

In the reverse to the above post the worst thing for me is that now I know I'll never have a child or family of my own.

I walk past fathers going down the street with their kids and wonder if they know just how rich and lucky in life they really are.

I know you have said in the past that you would never have another relationship after your marriage break up but could you not adopt a child and focus the love you have to give on that child?

ciderwithrosie_2

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Which just goes to show that the experience can be a different one for everybody.

True, but I don't mean it in a sentimental, twee way - I'm not really a 'fluffy' sort of person, I was thinking more in how they've made me less selfish, more tolerant, better organised, more ambitious (career wise), a better communicator and negotiator, a decent cook, nurse and handy woman, I can overarm bowl and mend bikes. I have made many lasting friendships and been involved in various PTAs/community events. My life has expanded in ways I didn't imagine.

VestanPance

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I know you have said in the past that you would never have another relationship after your marriage break up but could you not adopt a child and focus the love you have to give on that child?

Adoption isn't for me. When I decided on no more relationships I knew I was also giving up on ever having a family.

Although being completely and brutally honest I'm of the age now that even if I hadn't made that decision the chances of me meeting a woman of my age who still wanted kids would be extremely low anyway. Most women around my age have either had their children and now want the bit more "me" time as the kids get older, or don't want them at all.

In my 20's I travelled a lot and loved every moment of it. Looking back other than not coupling up with the ex which was a waste of the best part of 20 years, I'd certainly have rather had kids than done all that travelling in hindsight.

troubleinparadise

Go for it!

Yes there will be sacrifices - and don't underestimate just how much when you've spent 35 years (ok, not all of them, but you know what I mean) being able to think pretty much only of yourself when you make a decision. When you have children, you come at the bottom of the list when decisions need to be made.

And that can be a shock, and difficult to adjust to. But the compensation in what you experience through having children is a million times the "price". And after 20-ish years, you will be a free agent again (depending on their independence, and whether you have aging parents to look out for). The companionship and enjoyment you will then have into your older years is another bonus.

But approaching 35, don't leave it for much longer.....

red_devil

the thought of having a child today scares me cos the kind of world we live in and the pressure that parents are under to get the latest gadget and gismo etc. Nothing is simple anymore.

I dont know why, but i feel this is the hardest time to bring up children does anyone agree. Also the world is such an aggressive hostile place and discipline and respect has gone out the window.

meer53

red_devil wrote: »

the thought of having a child today scares me cos the kind of world we live in and the pressure that parents are under to get the latest gadget and gismo etc. Nothing is simple anymore.

I dont know why, but i feel this is the hardest time to bring up children does anyone agree. Also the world is such an aggressive hostile place and discipline and respect has gone out the window.

Parents might be under pressure, but they can always say no. It;s something i say all the time to mine. I occasionally say yes too ! For me, bringing up my kids is a pleasure, respect only goes out the window if you let it.