To have children or not - how do you decide???

fawd1

*j* wrote: »

I would suggest it's not about what you want, or what it might do to make your lifestyle better or worse, but that you ask just one question..."Does the world need a larger population?

I'm not suggesting an answer, though it's obvious to me, just suggesting you think about the question.

*j*

Yes. That's how we all live our lives and make the big decisions. What does the world need me to do.Well number one, it probably doesn't need you to have the internet, considering the extra energy used in running all of the servers and the fact that people now have electronic devices switched on almost all the time. Best that you think about turning off the monitor.

wanchai_2

*Robin* - yes, I do think about that very often. I am well aware of the risks, believe me. It's something that would terrify me tbh.

PoorCharleyBear

we were in a very similar position.

Then when we decided, we found we had issues....so went through IVF. That was tough.
But I cannot imagine being without my gorgeous beautiful sweet daughter.
we love travel too- age 5 she has been around the world 6 times!. My life has been hugely enhanced by her arrival but I feel lucky to have such a special child.

Ultimately only you can decide but it would be interesting to hear what you decided in a couple of years and if you are happy with your choice.

POPPYOSCAR

I thought for a long time that I did not want to have children.

Then I met my OH and that changed my mind.

I wanted a child that was both of us.

All I can add is that it completely changed my life, our children became the prime focus in our lives, I changed as a person, and my views on the world did as well.

It has been much harder work than I ever imagined it would be, on various levels both physically and emotionally.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do.:)

Running_On_Empty

If you even need to ask the question, apart from a discussion with your partner, then you really shouldn't go ahead.
Far too many women have children because they want to give up earning a wage, to trap their bloke or because everyone else seems to be doing it.
And of course I'll be the pariah for saying what a lot of people think, apart from all the smug Yummy Mummies, of course.

Rockporkchop

After reading your OP I would say don't do it! You sound like you have a lovely life and if you are even slightly reluctant about it then don't even consider it. The negatives far outweigh the positives in my opinion.

stir_crazy

Running_On_Empty wrote: »

Far too many women have children because they want to give up earning a wage, to trap their bloke or because everyone else seems to be doing it.
And of course I'll be the pariah for saying what a lot of people think, apart from all the smug Yummy Mummies, of course.

I dont think its fair or relevant that you've mentioned some women get pregnant for the above reasons. The OP doesnt seem like she would do this at all, the fact that she's even started this thread shows that this is a hard decision for her.

POPPYOSCAR

meritaten wrote: »

I think that is an awful thing to say! to say that in hindsight you wouldnt have kids 'but you love yours' would be devastating to those children. I think it would make them feel like a 'burden' thier parents had to bear.

Yes, it is blooming hard work and can be heartbreaking - but, to say 'I wish I hadn't had kids - that is a parent who shouldnt have had them in the first place!

I think that is a gross misinterpretation of the post you quoted.

How would those children in question even know their parents felt like that unless they told them?

No one can tell you what it is like to be a parent, it is something you have to experience for yourself, so to say they should not have had them in the first place makes no sense.

I am sure that most of us at some time or another have questioned our sanity at deciding to have children, if only for a moment. Most of us get over it, but I see nothing wrong in those that realise that if they had their time again, it would be a different path they would take.

fawd1

meritaten wrote: »

I think that is an awful thing to say! to say that in hindsight you wouldnt have kids 'but you love yours' would be devastating to those children. I think it would make them feel like a 'burden' thier parents had to bear.

Yes, it is blooming hard work and can be heartbreaking - but, to say 'I wish I hadn't had kids - that is a parent who shouldnt have had them in the first place!

I think you misunderstand. I often think that if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had children, or at least not for ages. This doesn't mean I regret my children, not for a second. It simply means that if I could go back in time and was given a choice, no children or children that aren't the ones I currently have, I would opt for no children. Once you've had them you adore them but knowing quite how big a sacrifice it is, I don't think I'd do it again.

balletshoes

fawd1 wrote: »

I think you misunderstand. I often think that if I knew then what I know now, I wouldn't have had children, or at least not for ages. This doesn't mean I regret my children, not for a second. It simply means that if I could go back in time and was given a choice, no children or children that aren't the ones I currently have, I would opt for no children.
Once you've had them you adore them but knowing quite how big a sacrifice it is, I don't think I'd do it again.

I think thats a really good point. I think thats a lot of the reason why I don't want any more children. I'm very happy with my one, and we have a nice content life with lots of treats, I work in school hours, and my work/home life balance is pretty good. I'd have to sacrifice quite a bit to have another child, and on balance its not a sacrifice I'm willing to make.