Massive Argument!

Shelldean

silvercar wrote: »

DS2 is at uni and has reading week this week. He tells me that out of 20 students on his floor in hall, 18 are going home for the week. The 2 that are staying are not going home because their families would expect them to contribute to the family budget even though they have had to pay for Halls over this week.

We had similar with DD last yr, but as I reasoned with her, if she was renting or paying a mtg and went away, then the rent would still have to be paid while she would also pay for her holiday accomadation.

She gave me small amount in the end, it wasn't the amount so much as she learnt how things in the real world work.

Lavendyr

I think the worst thing of all of this is the deceit - cancelling the S/O without having the common decency to approach you about it makes it sound like he *knew* he had no right to cancel it and didn't want to do the adult thing and talk to you about it.

Whether he comes home or not, you need to have a serious talk with him about this point, emphasising that if he'd just come and talked to you about it rather than cancelling the S/O, politely explaining the rational reasons for wanting to reduce or cancel the payment, you would have considered his request and perhaps you could have come to an arrangement. He needs to understand that you can't just do things like that in life.

Good luck - hope he comes to his senses and realises just how good he has had it!

silvercar

Shelldean wrote: »

We had similar with DD last yr, but as I reasoned with her, if she was renting or paying a mtg and went away, then the rent would still have to be paid while she would also pay for her holiday accomadation.

She gave me small amount in the end, it wasn't the amount so much as she learnt how things in the real world work.

I disagree, coming home is part of being a student and I want my children to feel they are welcome to come home from uni whenever they want to. Supporting our children when they are students is part of parenting.

mountainofdebt

silvercar wrote: »

I disagree, coming home is part of being a student and I want my children to feel they are welcome to come home from uni whenever they want to. Supporting our children when they are students is part of parenting.

I totally agree with this - though I would expect during the long holidays for a little contribution to the housework to be done (although in fairness Junior has been home twice now and hasn't once brought his washing home!)

Shepherd1

Shelldean wrote: »

We had similar with DD last yr, but as I reasoned with her, if she was renting or paying a mtg and went away, then the rent would still have to be paid while she would also pay for her holiday accomadation.

She gave me small amount in the end, it wasn't the amount so much as she learnt how things in the real world work.

Are you serious?? You charge your daughter for coming HOME for a visit. Thats not the real world for most students, thank goodness.

CH27

Shelldean wrote: »

We had similar with DD last yr, but as I reasoned with her, if she was renting or paying a mtg and went away, then the rent would still have to be paid while she would also pay for her holiday accomadation.

She gave me small amount in the end, it wasn't the amount so much as she learnt how things in the real world work.

Please tell me you are joking!

melancholly

Shepherd1 wrote: »

Are you serious?? You charge your daughter for coming HOME for a visit. Thats not the real world for most students, thank goodness.

It certainly wasn't the case for me - but then again, my parents were 'comfortable' (at least as far as I was aware) and could afford to feed me for a week. I can understand that in many situations, that is a big extra expense, on top of extra bills for having the extra person in the house...... Doing it to prove a point seems harsh, but doing it out of necessity is probably a lot more common than you'd think.....

Shepherd1

melancholly wrote: »

It certainly wasn't the case for me - but then again, my parents were 'comfortable' (at least as far as I was aware) and could afford to feed me for a week. I can understand that in many situations, that is a big extra expense, on top of extra bills for having the extra person in the house...... Doing it to prove a point seems harsh, but doing it out of necessity is probably a lot more common than you'd think.....

I know people who are really struggling but I honestly do not know anyone who would charge their child for visiting. What would happen if the child couldn't afford to pay their parents, would they not be able to visit. What if the child was really struggling with uni, being away from home and would love a week at home with their parents for support, is it well tuff you can't afford it.

As for the comment about you have to pay your mortgage and accomodation while on holiday, holidays are a luxury that most people save for. Do you really think visiting parents is a luxury.

Shelldean

No wasnt' joking.

Am afraid it was necessary to get DD to help.
Things have always been tight here and tbh things have got worse.
She did increase my bills (esp my elec) And we did struggle to get straight in the wk after she'd been here as the amount she gave us didn't cover the amount she'd spent.
Budget is VERY tight so even an extra few quid on elec bill throws us out for a while till we get the balance.

But in fairness had she NOT had any money then no I wouldn't have taken it and would've struggled thru somehow. But considering she still had enough to go and meet mates she had enough to give me!!

Shelldean

But again every parent/household will have differing views on how much and even whether a child should contribute to the household budget, we read about ti time and time again on here.
And every parent will react differently even my own BF charges her son 'keep' but it's all going in a savings account. I cant do that for mine

But I do think the worse 'crime' here is the lying and deceit from OP's son.