Massive Argument!

caeler

Stay strong. This is an important lesson he must learn.

globetraveller

I would definitely agree with a few others who say you really need to let the dust settle before making major decisions. I do remember your last thread and can't recall that you had a difficult mum/son relationship.
What he did was bad- stopping payments without telling you. He really should have spoken with you and asked for a renegoiation of terms. Ask him if he really does want to be independent. Explain what that means. But dont make him feel unwelcome to your home. It would just mean visits - Sunday dinner for instance. Whatever happens- stop the washing and ironing and the cooking. It isn't helping him for the future.
Have a drink, put your feet up and get the heartrate back to normal tonight and good luck with sorting things.

sulkisu

zaksmum wrote: »

Initially too proud to go home to his mum, he got a room in a local Salvation Army Hostel where an alcoholic 45 year old man took a fancy to him.

The lad was back at his mum's like a bat out of hell, wild eyed and begging to be allowed to come home and more than happy to pay the board

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

outtawork

I have the same problem, my daughter is at Uni and doesn't see why she should have to pay her way when she is at home in the holidays, but she wants all the benefits, internet, washing done, meals cooked for her and the washing up done. methinks this will have to change as I can no longer afford to do it. but not sure how to do this.

geoffky

Well done, you have acted how i would...If only my wife would of charged my oldest but now i think she subsidises her standard of living and she does not even live with us.. You make your own rod...

Reminded me of when i first went away to sea..we sent money home instead of spending it all on hookers and beer and when i got home i asked where my £300 (1980) was?
Oh we thought that money you sent was your keep...none left...oh dear...

Valli

cheepskate wrote: »

Reading these threads sometimes, you understand why there are so many people emancipated from their parent

O.P be careful that you dont push him away as some others have said. Let your anger subside and then have a wee think about how you want to react.

As we get older, we sometimes forget how it was to be that age and forget how we used to think and act

emancipated? is that the word you meant to use?

anyway
OP's son stopped his board payment without actually telling his mum; he appears to have just 'assumed' since he is not spending most of his time at home he needn't pay board, conveniently forgetting she makes his lunches, she cooks meals for him (the fact that he may, or may not turn up for then is irrelevant) and she provides other home comforts. Totally rude IMO.

anxious_mum

splishsplash wrote: »

I would try to avoid burning all my bridges with him if it were my son. Yes, his behaviour is disappointing, but he's nineteen and you're his mother. Some of the replies here seem to suggest you should make him learn the hard way by chucking him out, spending the money you've saved and causing trouble at his girlfriend's house. Why would you put the boot in like that?

Talk to him and show him what he did wrong, teach him how harshly the world would react to his immature handling of the situation, but don't act like the rest of the world would act - you're his parent. If you alienate him and throw him out, how do you know your relationship will recover? Help him to learn how to be an honourable and responsible person by example. You want (I imagine) to continue to be close with him, to be part of his life, to welcome his girlfriend/wife/children into your life, forge an adult relationship with him and his family moving forward. Why would you cut off your nose to spite your face just to be right? Life is too short.

thanks...i'm really struggling to know how to help him right now.....I know he has done wrong, but I do still want a relationship with him, of course i do...he is only 19!

But! He has done wrong! He needs to know!

Valli

Yes he does. And let's see if they are daft enough to do all you do for him for £30;)
He is paying you nothing - he gets nothing from you.

So when he comes round asking 'where's my packed lunch' (or whatever) just say that, as he's paying no board, he isn't getting any board!

cte1111

Up to you whether you chuck him out or not. But I really would say that running round after him like this is doing him no favours in the long run. At some point he will be living on his own and if you do all his washing, cooking and cleaning for him, then he will never learn. He'll probably just expect his girlfriend to do it, which isn't great really.

zzzLazyDaisy

My friends ex has a 22yr old living at home, out of work, having lost his job through persistent lateness. He has been unemployed for over a year now, contributes nothing to the household finances and expects his mother (who is working full time on minimum wage) to cook his meals and do his laundry.

OP, is that the way you want to be treated by your son? Because that is the way you are heading if you don't nip this in the bud now.