Massive Argument!

anxious_mum

Thanks everyone for your support, I'm feeling a bit better about things now. I think he has behaved appallingly, I didn't bring him up to be so devious as to not even tell me he was stopping the payments.

I've given his room a spring clean (I always find cleaning a good way to get rid of all sorts of negative feelings). I've bagged his clothes, there weren't any dirty ones as I'm up to date with the washing, they're lined up in his room.

I'm working away next week, so I've sent him a text asking him to pop round tomorrow to collect his stuff, otherwise he won't be able to access the house until I'm back on Thursday. He'll have to come to get his uniform for work for one thing, which is all laundered and ironed beautifully, hanging up ready for him. I wonder if his gf will be as happy doing all that for him?

I have a younger son (17) and my mum has a granny annexe on the back of my house. They are both aware of the situation, and both will be out all day on Monday, so if he turns up expecting breakfast, a packed lunch and a uniform he will be sadly disappointed.

I even slipped him £50 the other week as he was moaning he was a bit skint!!! The secret bank account for his rental deposit will come in very handy as a holiday savings account for my 50th birthday which I will celebrate next year. Cruise down the Nile? Bring it on!

dragonette

Good for you! Only (newish) point I have to make is that his GF is massively unlikely to do any chores for him - why should she? She's expecting a partner not a child He's def going to get a shock!

The Nile cruise sounds wonderful, hope you enjoy xx

zaksmum

dragonette wrote: »

Good for you! Only (newish) point I have to make is that his GF is massively unlikely to do any chores for him - why should she? She's expecting a partner not a child He's def going to get a shock!

The Nile cruise sounds wonderful, hope you enjoy xx

I'm sure OP hopes she's expecting a partner and not a child...!:)

Fire_Fox

Well done for sticking to your guns, that is just rude not to discuss it with you. Don't pack for him, just get all the suit cases and dustbin bags out and put them in a prominent position, definitely including his dirty laundry. Make sure you tell him about the bank account once you have booked the cruise.

Dasa

I could have written this post. We laid down an ultimatum to our son and the upshot was he moved in with his girlfriend. He has a life of luxury, she runs around after him and so does her mum. He is more than happy there. So just make sure that you will be happy if does decide to move in with her. A year on he is still there.

Ruby_woo

Hello there, I'm a new poster and have just read this. I'm going to go against the grain I'm afraid and say I agree with dasa's post. I think that you are really upset today anxious mum and I would advise thinking on this for a few days. Try not to make rushed decisions. This could be a blip and I'm sure that your son is as upset as you are. Boys/young men take alot longer to mature than we think, and this needs to be handled carefully so that it doesn't drag on.

It sounds like you are a great mum and you are feeling hurt and let down today. Sort it out, you never know what's around the corner.

I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.

sassyblue

I would have rang the girlfriends dad and asked him if he was charging your son £30 a week or did your son quite willingly offer it up? Then I'd have told him you've chucked him out for not paying you board.

With any luck the girlfriends dad would give him a stern talking to, well why would he want another mouth to feed, and body to wash and iron for now he knows the first place your son is going to head to?

Let us know how you get on.

luxor4t

anxious_mum wrote: »

.......... The secret bank account for his rental deposit will come in very handy as a holiday savings account for my 50th birthday which I will celebrate next year. Cruise down the Nile? Bring it on!

Great choice

splishsplash

I would try to avoid burning all my bridges with him if it were my son. Yes, his behaviour is disappointing, but he's nineteen and you're his mother. Some of the replies here seem to suggest you should make him learn the hard way by chucking him out, spending the money you've saved and causing trouble at his girlfriend's house. Why would you put the boot in like that?

Talk to him and show him what he did wrong, teach him how harshly the world would react to his immature handling of the situation, but don't act like the rest of the world would act - you're his parent. If you alienate him and throw him out, how do you know your relationship will recover? Help him to learn how to be an honourable and responsible person by example. You want (I imagine) to continue to be close with him, to be part of his life, to welcome his girlfriend/wife/children into your life, forge an adult relationship with him and his family moving forward. Why would you cut off your nose to spite your face just to be right? Life is too short.

cheepskate_2

Reading these threads sometimes, you understand why there are so many people emancipated from their parent

O.P be careful that you dont push him away as some others have said. Let your anger subside and then have a wee think about how you want to react.

As we get older, we sometimes forget how it was to be that age and forget how we used to think and act