We’d like to remind Forumites to please avoid political debate on the Forum.
This is to keep it a safe and useful space for MoneySaving discussions. Threads that are – or become – political in nature may be removed in line with the Forum’s rules. Thank you for your understanding.
📨 Have you signed up to the Forum's new Email Digest yet? Get a selection of trending threads sent straight to your inbox daily, weekly or monthly!
Massive Argument!

anxious_mum
Posts: 403 Forumite
My last post was about how I was feeling a bit guilty about charging my son 50 quid a week board as he spends most of his time at his girlfriend's house. (He is 19 and earns a good wage, around 250 - 300 per week).
How naive was I???
I checked my bank statement this morning and wondered why I was about £200 down to find that he cancelled the standing order FOUR WEEKS AGO!!!!
Since my last post, I've been running around after him like a blue a*sed fly, buying him lovely things for his lunch, taking him to work, replacing his phone when he broke his old one. I've also opened a new (secret from him) account where I was putting £100 a month away for him ready for when him and his gf look for their own place after christmas to help towards the deposit etc.
I rang him when I noticed and asked him what was going on and why he never even told me he was going to do this. He told me he was paying £30 a week to his gf's dad (although he never eats or showers there) and that he didn't think he should pay anything to me as he only stays over about once a week, and all I provide for him is a packed lunch :eek:
I mentioned the fact that I do his washing, cook him a meal 'in case' he turns up, make him breakfast every day when I'm home and not working away and he showers every morning at my house! He got the hump at this and said I was being 'pathetic'....
The conversation ended with him becoming verbally abusive and me asking him to come and collect his stuff. Then he hung up
I'm sticking to my guns now. Either he pays me the board or he can sling his hook. I'll even help him pack, I am sooooo mad :mad:
How naive was I???
I checked my bank statement this morning and wondered why I was about £200 down to find that he cancelled the standing order FOUR WEEKS AGO!!!!
Since my last post, I've been running around after him like a blue a*sed fly, buying him lovely things for his lunch, taking him to work, replacing his phone when he broke his old one. I've also opened a new (secret from him) account where I was putting £100 a month away for him ready for when him and his gf look for their own place after christmas to help towards the deposit etc.
I rang him when I noticed and asked him what was going on and why he never even told me he was going to do this. He told me he was paying £30 a week to his gf's dad (although he never eats or showers there) and that he didn't think he should pay anything to me as he only stays over about once a week, and all I provide for him is a packed lunch :eek:
I mentioned the fact that I do his washing, cook him a meal 'in case' he turns up, make him breakfast every day when I'm home and not working away and he showers every morning at my house! He got the hump at this and said I was being 'pathetic'....
The conversation ended with him becoming verbally abusive and me asking him to come and collect his stuff. Then he hung up

I'm sticking to my guns now. Either he pays me the board or he can sling his hook. I'll even help him pack, I am sooooo mad :mad:
2013 NSD challenge 3/10 

0
Comments
-
Oh you poor thing, yes you must stick to what you said, he needs to know where he is going wrong. If he thinks you only provide a bed once a week along with a packed lunch then he'll soon see different.
Why do you make him a packed lunch and do his washing? Shouldn't he be doing this himself? I pity his poor girlfriend if they are moving in together!"You've been reading SOS when it's just your clock reading 5:05 "0 -
Sorry hunny but he is in need of one massive reality check.
Here's hoping his gf's dad gets fed up of having a 6 yr old in the house and he comes back to yours with his tail between his leg.2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
Oh, dear! That is such a shame, but you do need to stick to it. He's made his choice and you no longer need to buy his lunch or do his washing.
I have a feeling that he'll soon realise what he's missing.Member #14 of SKI-ers club
Words, words, they're all we have to go by!.
(Pity they are mangled by this autocorrect!)0 -
Thanks Sammyjammy. I do him a packed lunch and his washing out of the pure goodness of my heart. He won't be getting anymore pure goodness, that's for sure. I think its the fact that he never told me that is really bugging me, I had to find out for myself. Thank goodness I didn't rely on his money to pay bills!2013 NSD challenge 3/100
-
PS hope you closed the savings account and put the money in it to spend on YOU!
And if he has left home then phone the council and claim your 1 person's council tax discount.
And then think about a lodger .....should raise more than £200 !2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
I can understand why he is balking at paying you £50 a week to be honest.
But something, maybe half of that if he is not at home most of the time.
Stop making his breakfast, packed lunch, washing, get his £25 a week in advance, it its not forthcoming, tell him to go to his girlfriends house full time.
When they break up and he wants to come home full time, up it to £70 a week or find a bedsit.make the most of it, we are only here for the weekend.
and we will never, ever return.0 -
I can understand why he is balking at paying you £50 a week to be honest.
But something, maybe half of that if he is not at home most of the time.
Stop making his breakfast, packed lunch, washing, get his £25 a week in advance, it its not forthcoming, tell him to go to his girlfriends house full time.
When they break up and he wants to come home full time, up it to £70 a week or find a bedsit.
I like the way you're thinking McKneff! He's been paying £50 for a while, its only recently that he's started almost living at his gf's parents' house. I would have been quite happy to have a chat about this with him and reduce his board, but he just went ahead and cancelled it. That's what's annoying me I think.
He's proper gone and ruined my Saturday!2013 NSD challenge 3/100 -
The point is, is that whilst the OP's son may feeling that £50 was too much to be paying, surely the grown up thing to do would be to at least tell the OP that he had cancelled the standing order (sounds as if he did it to keep her quiet tbh and hoped that she wouldn't notice)2014 Target;
To overpay CC by £1,000.
Overpayment to date : £310
2nd Purse Challenge:
£15.88 saved to date0 -
Yes, Mountainofdebt, exactly.2013 NSD challenge 3/100
-
Stand your ground on this - he's behaved appallingly!0
This discussion has been closed.
Confirm your email address to Create Threads and Reply

Categories
- All Categories
- 352.1K Banking & Borrowing
- 253.5K Reduce Debt & Boost Income
- 454.2K Spending & Discounts
- 245.1K Work, Benefits & Business
- 600.7K Mortgages, Homes & Bills
- 177.5K Life & Family
- 258.9K Travel & Transport
- 1.5M Hobbies & Leisure
- 16.2K Discuss & Feedback
- 37.6K Read-Only Boards