Finding That Special Person

Tiddlywinks

SailorSam wrote: »

Tiddlywinks ask that uncle of yours 'does he give lessons'

I've lost count of how many of my friends have asked the same question over the years .

VestanPance wrote: »

This is what the folk that are shy don't get. No lesson would ever work. All you need is the confidence to ignore any rejections and the balls to try again even if you failed the last time. You can't teach that, you need to actually do it.

^^^ This is all you need to know... try taking the chance... if a girl or guy says "no" then so what? You don't drop dead, you don't grow Dumbo ears... and a big spotlight doesn't iluminate you to the whole world. All you do is smile, say thanks and move on.

Also, spend some time people watching - get to know more about body language... get to know the 'leave me alone' look that means that even Tom Cruise wouldn't get a bite.

Really, you would be surprised how many absolute stunners Uncle A has dated over the years - he says that they are sometimes easier to chat up because all the other men are too scared to go and talk to them.

Just give it a go - if Uncle A, a short, plump, balding old boy, can do it then anyone can.

SailorSam

VestanPance wrote: »

This is what the folk that are shy don't get. No lesson would ever work. All you need is the confidence to ignore any rejections and the balls to try again even if you failed the last time. You can't teach that, you need to actually do it.

I'm not sure i'd call it confidence but as i've got older it doesn't bother me as much what people may think or say.

SailorSam

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

^^^ This is all you need to know... try taking the chance... if a girl or guy says "no" then so what? You don't drop dead, you don't grow Dumbo ears... and a big spotlight doesn't iluminate you to the whole world. All you do is smile, say thanks and move on.

That sounds like when i was selling the double glazing, that's what they use to tell us. It's a numbers game.
And it's true.

bluenoseam

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

^^^ This is all you need to know... try taking the chance... if a girl or guy says "no" then so what? You don't drop dead, you don't grow Dumbo ears... and a big spotlight doesn't iluminate you to the whole world. All you do is smile, say thanks and move on.

Rejection's the bad part but ultimately it's kinda like the lottery, you don't win it the first time but you still play it hoping for the big prize! (reminds me, put it on for Tuesday!) Wish I could give words of encouragement to those who've apparently found nothin but disappointment with their love life but ultimately what works on one guy won't work on the next.

And to think, it's a widely spread story that all we think about is boobs, really we're as complicated as we think you women are!

shaz77_2

Well I didn't meet anybody last night, but on the plus side there were not very many eligible parties.

Saturnalia

Sigh, I'm another one going through exactly the same thing!

I'm told by friends and family that I'm not ugly, in fact I'm said to be quite striking. I was bullied at school for being ugly, but I have a broad-boned face that I didn't grow into until my 20s.

I have quite an individual style - either no make-up at all or quite theatrical looking, short messy hair and long pointy glittery fingernails. I have tried to tone myself down after being repeatedly rejected and then seeing the new girlfriend who looks like she stepped out of the Boden catalogue! but it just didn't work. I didn't feel like I was me. I looked in the mirror and didn't see myself. And I want a man who loves me, not some drab fake version!

I seem to make friends with men very easily, more so than with women I find. But it only ever is friendship. I shouldn't knock it as it is so lovely to have close platonic friendships with men, but it would be so nice to be fancied and flirted with and seen as a sexual person and potential partner, every once in a while!

Problem is I'm not a natural flirt and am incredibly shy when I first meet someone, and by the time I get up the courage to, I've been "friendboxed" and the lid nailed firmly down.

I'm thinking that the next time I meet someone I fancy (should be about 2016 then!) I should just tell them straight off the bat that I like them, then they know and can do with the information whatever they wish. Heck, it can't be any more embarrassing or upsetting than attempting to flirt then being friendzoned and introduced to the new girlfriend and me left wishing it were me, can it?

Plus I've been on my own for so long (few friends here to knock around with) that I'm used to my own company and doing stuff by and for myself, and I'm told that while men claim they don't like needy women, they like to feel needed and do keep going back for more from the needy girlies! Whereas I don't have anyone in my life because I need them but because I want them to be there.

Heck, what are we to do?

VestanPance

Saturnalia wrote: »

Plus I've been on my own for so long (few friends here to knock around with) that I'm used to my own company and doing stuff by and for myself, and I'm told that while men claim they don't like needy women, they like to feel needed and do keep going back for more from the needy girlies! Whereas I don't have anyone in my life because I need them but because I want them to be there.

Heck, what are we to do?

I don't think that type of behaviour is at all gender related. For every bloke that is drawn to some needy overtly girlie woman there would be a bloke that would be off in a shot at that type of behaviour.

The only thing I would say that I have noticed is that the very girlie type women often are very good at manipulating some men in terms of getting interest. I think what would often be classed as needy from my maybe cynical eye is very astute game playing.

Let's face it all men and women do not share the same attraction traits. I know guys that don't like really intelligent women as they find it intimidating. I'm the reverse of that. I find intelligence attractive and no matter how good looking someone is if they aren't mentally stimulating I'd have no interest in them. Some guys love the orange fake tan Jordan type dolly bird look, some guys would run a mile at the sight of a woman dressed like that. Some women love the challenge of a bad boy, others wonder how anyone could waste their time with all that needless drama etc.

On_My_Lonesome

shaz77 wrote: »

Well I didn't meet anybody last night, but on the plus side there were not very many eligible parties.

Good to keep looking on the plus side thats what I tend to try and do, doesn't always go to plan though.

Saturnalia wrote: »

I have quite an individual style - either no make-up at all or quite theatrical looking, short messy hair and long pointy glittery fingernails. I have tried to tone myself down after being repeatedly rejected and then seeing the new girlfriend who looks like she stepped out of the Boden catalogue! but it just didn't work. I didn't feel like I was me. I looked in the mirror and didn't see myself. And I want a man who loves me, not some drab fake version!

You have to feel like yourself, no point forcing yourself to be someone/something your not. Stick to being who you are am sure someone will love you for being you.

Another that will add to the PM me if want to share brainstorming idea's of different ways to meet people.

CheeseCat

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