Finding That Special Person

Person_one

xXMessedUpXx wrote: »

*ahem*

7 months on and still going strong...

Though come back to me in a year to see if we're still together

Oops!

I'm mainly basing my view on a friend who refuses to use a 'paid for' site but keeps meeting these god awful men on PoF who seem to string her along for a few months then ditch her.

There are probably loads of lovely ones on there, but maybe you're better at filtering than she is!

chirpchirp

Person_one wrote: »

Oops!

I'm mainly basing my view on a friend who refuses to use a 'paid for' site but keeps meeting these god awful men on PoF who seem to string her along for a few months then ditch her.

There are probably loads of lovely ones on there, but maybe you're better at filtering than she is!

There are some nice men on there, but I think you have to really strike lucky. I know a couple who got married a couple of months ago and my friend and her other half have been together about two years and are living together now.

Edit: Admittedly there are a lot of sex pests on pof too!

I've just come out of a 14 month relationship from someone from POF who is a really lovely bloke.

I also met another bloke through there who I have been friends with for about 18 months and I've got to know his friends and family.

Gloomendoom

bluenoseam wrote: »

Only place for a size 6 is on yer feet - unless you happen to also be only 4ft 2, it's not a good look!

VestanPance wrote: »

My own opinion. Size 6 is horrific on most women. It's stick like. I'd actually say a size 10 for most is perfect, as it's slim/athletic and feminine.

I'd hate to think size 6 is what women think "hot" is.

Watch your mouths. Mrs G is a size 6 and, IMHO, she isn't too shabby.

SailorSam

equalmatch wrote: »

The quiet and reserved types may do better online dating since they're specifically setup for one purpose. Here's some free sites you may want to take a look at equalmatch(dot)net,

Just googled equalmatch and it showed up with a WOT red warning.

Meadows

miss_independent wrote: »

Genuinely not picking on anyone, just curious what do people mean when they say "It'll happen when you least expect it?", I don't quite understand?

Sometimes when looking for Mr Right you try too hard, becomes obsessed, worry, stress, it becomes a mission.

If you stop looking and just go about your everyday life happy with your lot but open to what ever comes your way then quite a few suddenly find 'Hello :heartpuls :drool:!!!'. That is because you are being you, relaxed, happy & confident and liking yourself and taking each day as it comes and anything else is a bonus.

Tiddlywinks

former_student wrote: »

It's difficult most girls seem to be involved with someone else and I wouldn't really know how to approach a girl on a night out.

Sort of getting back on topic... let me tell you a story about my uncle A...

All of my life I've watched him (now in his 80s) having phenominal success with the ladies... let me start by saying that Uncle A looks like Danny DeVito - in height and general looks - yet he has that one quality that gets him through life... self belief and a 'what will be, will be' attitude.

Over the years I have seen him 'working a room' and approaching ladies and getting their numbers or even leaving with them. Most relationships have lasted months and some for years and and it has always been his choice to move on.

When 'working the room' Uncle A used to get loads of knock-backs from ladies not interested... he just kept on going, taking the attitude that it was their loss ! He was subtle in his approach and never looked like he was working his way around. He did have good instincts though and managed to know how to get the ladies when they were separated from the 'herd' as they were more likely to fall for his charms.

At the end of those evenings, he didn't even remember the knock-backs - as they were not important to him. I once asked him how many approaches he'd made that evening and he brushed me off, telling me that it didn't matter... they just weren't 'right' for each other and that you'll never know that unless you ask the question.

So... just ask the question, they can only say 'no' and if they do say 'no' then you've lost nothing BUT if they say 'yes' then you get a chance at getting to know each other.

For most, it's the fear of failure that stops them asking.

As to how to approach someone... well, Uncle A just used to say something along the lines of... 'hello, I've been sitting over there having a drink and noticed you all having a good time... is it a celebration tonight or just for the hell of it" or "hello, I haven't been here before, did you get the house wine? What's it like?" - the trick is that the question must have an open answer, not a yes / no answer.... then you're having a conversation.

He met his current GF (17 years younger than him) by just stopping her in the street as she walked past his shop. He told her she looked bright and cheerful and asked her to share her secret... they've been together for nearly 2 years.

Just ask - the more you do it, the more comfortable it will become.

On_My_Lonesome

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Sort of getting back on topic... let me tell you a story about my uncle A...

All of my life I've watched him (now in his 80s) having phenominal success with the ladies... let me start by saying that Uncle A looks like Danny DeVito - in height and general looks - yet he has that one quality that gets him through life... self belief and a 'what will be, will be' attitude.

Over the years I have seen him 'working a room' and approaching ladies and getting their numbers or even leaving with them. Most relationships have lasted months and some for years and and it has always been his choice to move on.

When 'working the room' Uncle A used to get loads of knock-backs from ladies not interested... he just kept on going, taking the attitude that it was their loss ! He was subtle in his approach and never looked like he was working his way around. He did have good instincts though and managed to know how to get the ladies when they were separated from the 'herd' as they were more likely to fall for his charms.

At the end of those evenings, he didn't even remember the knock-backs - as they were not important to him. I once asked him how many approaches he'd made that evening and he brushed me off, telling me that it didn't matter... they just weren't 'right' for each other and that you'll never know that unless you ask the question.

So... just ask the question, they can only say 'no' and if they do say 'no' then you've lost nothing BUT if they say 'yes' then you get a chance at getting to know each other.

For most, it's the fear of failure that stops them asking.

As to how to approach someone... well, Uncle A just used to say something along the lines of... 'hello, I've been sitting over there having a drink and noticed you all having a good time... is it a celebration tonight or just for the hell of it" or "hello, I haven't been here before, did you get the house wine? What's it like?" - the trick is that the question must have an open answer, not a yes / no answer.... then you're having a conversation.

He met his current GF (17 years younger than him) by just stopping her in the street as she walked past his shop. He told her she looked bright and cheerful and asked her to share her secret... they've been together for nearly 2 years.

Just ask - the more you do it, the more comfortable it will become.

He sounds like an absolute star what a fantastic attitude, something we should all try, scary as it seems as you said it gets easier each time you do it.

ali-t

Person_one wrote: »

We don't rely on 'fate' or other people to do anything else for us these days. We plan our own careers, buy our own homes, do our own DIY and manage our own finances, why take a back seat and wait for our partners to somehow magically appear while we're pretending to 'least expect it'?

I totally agree with you person_one. I have carefully planned my career, lifestyle, friendships, education etc (finances are a bit less so ) so why the perfect relationship would just land in my lap is a mystery. BUT its a mystery I believed in until a few years ago.

I am in my mid 30's and if I had to go back in time to give some dating advice to myself in early 20's it would be that I should put more effort into finding the right relationship.

I have never wanted children but now that time is running out, my biological clock will probably start ticking again as I become aware that the choice will be removed. Although I am in the early days of seeing someone I don't want to be having to think about judging whether I would want children with him or dumping him as he doesn't want children but I might wake up one morning and decide that I do and would have to go and seek a relationship with someone who does want a family.

I have always been very happy being single and fully ascribe to the Beyonce independent woman thing but even she has given it all up and settled down!

My advice to my younger self would be to pay more attention to finding Mr Right so there would be no chance of ever feeling that I may have to settle for Mr Ok due to time running out and not being able to fulfil all of my dreams.

SailorSam

Tiddlywinks ask that uncle of yours 'does he give lessons'

miss_independent

Meadows wrote: »

Sometimes when looking for Mr Right you try too hard, becomes obsessed, worry, stress, it becomes a mission.

If you stop looking and just go about your everyday life happy with your lot but open to what ever comes your way then quite a few suddenly find 'Hello :heartpuls :drool:!!!'. That is because you are being you, relaxed, happy & confident and liking yourself and taking each day as it comes and anything else is a bonus.

Thanks, I do know what you mean but I've been getting on with my life for the past six years, doing the things I enjoy, following my passion etc not really on a mission to find anyone, taking the advice from other couples/elders that "it'll happen when you least expect it" and, I haven't been expecting it and "it" hasn't happened :rotfl:. I'd be a fool to keep the blinkers on when I know in my heart that marriage and children are something I want and I think, for me, its high time I went about my mission lol! I've been single for 6 years, not even asked out in all that time! I've come to think, if I don't do anything about it, who will?

ali-t wrote: »

I totally agree with you person_one. I have carefully planned my career, lifestyle, friendships, education etc (finances are a bit less so ) so why the perfect relationship would just land in my lap is a mystery. BUT its a mystery I believed in until a few years ago.

I am in my mid 30's and if I had to go back in time to give some dating advice to myself in early 20's it would be that I should put more effort into finding the right relationship.

I have never wanted children but now that time is running out, my biological clock will probably start ticking again as I become aware that the choice will be removed. Although I am in the early days of seeing someone I don't want to be having to think about judging whether I would want children with him or dumping him as he doesn't want children but I might wake up one morning and decide that I do and would have to go and seek a relationship with someone who does want a family.

I have always been very happy being single and fully ascribe to the Beyonce independent woman thing but even she has given it all up and settled down!

My advice to my younger self would be to pay more attention to finding Mr Right so there would be no chance of ever feeling that I may have to settle for Mr Ok due to time running out and not being able to fulfil all of my dreams.

:T:T:T ^^^^^^^^^This is why I want to be more proactive. I'm only 28 and already at the point where if I could go back to my late teens/early 20's or even 25 I'd do it all differently. Why leave it any later when I know the regrets only get bigger? Good Luck Ali, hope it all works out for you.

VestanPance wrote: »

Ok, once again but this is just my view and information I have from talking to male friends.

See when you said you got looks walking down a hall going to a yoga class with your hair tied back and no make-up on. That's because you are pretty. Those guys you caught glancing at you where thinking some very naughty thoughts.

Just like pretty much every guy I know who uses public transport to go to work talks of all the hottie office workers on the train/bus etc. Yes, not all glammed up to the nines for a night out. Everyday office clothes sitting on a train reading a book or listening to music. Pretty much a certainty there are a few blokes sitting admiring.

I really do think many women don't see that they actually are attractive and should take pride in that. Maybe your bullying when younger has impacted that for you.

True relationships require way more than attraction, but for most it's that initial attraction that opens the door to those great things you describe.

We'll just skip over the "pretty" thing as, realistically we've never met and I could be the ugliest girl you'd ever seen and I've already covered the beauty is subjective/I don't really care if men don't think I'm pretty thing BUT it did get me thinking.....generally people (men and women) are nicer to me when I am dressed down and wear less makeup. I don't wear ALOT of makeup anyway compared to todays standards (don't buy into the fake tan/lashes thing and not an Only Way is Essex type girl) but I do like a smokey-ish eye and brightish lip colour (kind of a pin-up look) and I always wear heels and dress well - I'm not a jeans/t-shirt/uggs girl so maybe thats making people think I'm not down to earth. Personality wise, I'm the girl next door but I don't particularly dress to reflect that. So maybe I should make less of an effort...I'm just thinking on a scale of one to ten, ten being glammed up to the nines on a night out for a celebration, one being in my pj's with frizzy bed hair - people are nicer to me when I'm say a 3 then when I'm a 10. Its going to be strange dressing down though...I don't feel like me without heels and a pretty dress