Finding That Special Person

tesuhoha

miss_independent wrote: »

Thanks, I do know what you mean but I've been getting on with my life for the past six years, doing the things I enjoy, following my passion etc not really on a mission to find anyone, taking the advice from other couples/elders that "it'll happen when you least expect it" and, I haven't been expecting it and "it" hasn't happened :rotfl:. I'd be a fool to keep the blinkers on when I know in my heart that marriage and children are something I want and I think, for me, its high time I went about my mission lol! I've been single for 6 years, not even asked out in all that time! I've come to think, if I don't do anything about it, who will?




:T:T:T ^^^^^^^^^This is why I want to be more proactive. I'm only 28 and already at the point where if I could go back to my late teens/early 20's or even 25 I'd do it all differently. Why leave it any later when I know the regrets only get bigger? Good Luck Ali, hope it all works out for you.



We'll just skip over the "pretty" thing as, realistically we've never met and I could be the ugliest girl you'd ever seen and I've already covered the beauty is subjective/I don't really care if men don't think I'm pretty thing BUT it did get me thinking.....generally people (men and women) are nicer to me when I am dressed down and wear less makeup. I don't wear ALOT of makeup anyway compared to todays standards (don't buy into the fake tan/lashes thing and not an Only Way is Essex type girl) but I do like a smokey-ish eye and brightish lip colour (kind of a pin-up look) and I always wear heels and dress well - I'm not a jeans/t-shirt/uggs girl so maybe thats making people think I'm not down to earth. Personality wise, I'm the girl next door but I don't particularly dress to reflect that. So maybe I should make less of an effort...I'm just thinking on a scale of one to ten, ten being glammed up to the nines on a night out for a celebration, one being in my pj's with frizzy bed hair - people are nicer to me when I'm say a 3 then when I'm a 10. Its going to be strange dressing down though...I don't feel like me without heels and a pretty dress

The casual look can be beautiful. There are lots of lovely clothes in the shops for the winter. You could have a lot of fun making dressing casually an art form and buying clothes and aiming for the unmade up natural look in make up.

There is something wrong somewhere as even ugly women get married and I am sure you are not ugly. It is probably more to do with your behaviour. Just enjoy perfecting your new look/ image and have some fun.

The clue here may be the dress and heels. A lot of guys are more casual than that and may think you are high maintenance.

VestanPance

I doubt it's how she dresses. Not a single person asking her out in six years for someone who on what she has posted here seems to be an intelligent, slim young woman strikes me as she must be projecting something that scares folk off.

Heels and a dress. Sorry but that isn't going to scare a man away. Particularly with guys that are leg men you tend to find they love a lady in heels.

The only thing I've picked up from you that would strike me as a turn off or unattractive personality trait is the self doubt over your looks. If you carry that in the real world guys may find you to be hard work as you may appear to deflect any compliments.

VestanPance

SailorSam wrote: »

Tiddlywinks ask that uncle of yours 'does he give lessons'

This is what the folk that are shy don't get. No lesson would ever work. All you need is the confidence to ignore any rejections and the balls to try again even if you failed the last time. You can't teach that, you need to actually do it.

tesuhoha

If shyness is the problem start setting yourself very small challenges, things that are just below your comfort zone. Then increase what you are prepared to do. This is useful in all areas of life not just romance.

I know this works as I used to be very shy.

shaz77_2

It's hard to know what to do for the best, I'm going to go out tonight and I'll see how I get on, probably be posting my woes on here tomorrow.

Ladyhawk

Miss_Independant - you could be me 5 years ago in nearly everything that you have described. And sadly I am still the one that turns up for everything, introduces myself to everyone, is friendly and chatty.... and I have not had a serious relationship for 13 years. It breaks my heart but I am not desperate... I have a good life, I own two properties, have a really interesting job, am tall, slim, attractive, Im intelligent, educated and sophisticated.... and what is missing is someone to do things with. I've joined most dating sites at one time or another, I play badminton once a week, I go to Meet Up events regularly and I even ask people to set me up with anyone that they think maybe suitable. I've been patient, I've put myself out there, I've ignored it. I've played sport and nothing... a big fat nothing... All my colleagues can do is look at me pityingly and say that they don't understand it either.

Rant over... OP: I just wanted to say that I'm just as confused as you are.

miss_independent

shaz77 wrote: »

It's hard to know what to do for the best, I'm going to go out tonight and I'll see how I get on, probably be posting my woes on here tomorrow.

Good Luck!!!!!! I'm Rooting for you Shaz :j.

If you ever want to PM me and brainstorm ways to meet that special someone feel free!

Ladyhawk...you've probably heard it so much you're sick of it but its still not too late, he may show up yet! I know it hurts though, I really identify. As much as I'm going to try and be more proactive, I am realistic and think perhaps I'm just not what men are looking for - six years is a long time for no one to approach me. I will just continue to make the most of my life and if it does happen for me, its a lovely bonus.

Ladyhawk

Hi M_I - Oops... I came across a little bitter in my post. I am more frustrated with the pitying looks I get for people and the really unhelpful comments such as "it will happen... I know it will".... no you don't, noone does... and thats ok. Its sad but its ok. I have a lovely life

Good luck Shaz

PasturesNew

You might not meet anybody .... there are more women than blokes, so some have to miss out.

miss_independent

Ladyhawk wrote: »

Hi M_I - Oops... I came across a little bitter in my post. I am more frustrated with the pitying looks I get for people and the really unhelpful comments such as "it will happen... I know it will".... no you don't, noone does... and thats ok. Its sad but its ok. I have a lovely life

Good luck Shaz

I didn't think you seemed bitter....I just "get it", "It will happen for ya, babe, I can feel it in ma bones...." 'Oh wow, thanks...better get planning the wedding then! If your BONES say so!" :cool:

Yeah Pastures New....thanks I think we'd figured out already that we might not meet anyone but there isn't any harm in trying. I'm not voluntarily putting myself on the shelf because of statistics. Its happened for my friends and family - why shouldn't it happen for me? Or shaz/ladyhawke/onmylonesome?