relationship going wrong :(

pyjamadays

yes I was planning to move back then but ended up not after the damage it was doing, you may also remember the slagging I got for wanting to move...and now that I chose not to go I get the slagging because my partner did. some people here seem to be focusing on how I was feeling about the current situation and not looking at why I'm feeling this way. I give up with this as I can't win no matter what I do!!!

FBaby

Just posted as you did. Glad things are better and you are talking things through. I still feel that you are expecting a lot of your partner. 7 weeks not seeing him when he had joint custody must be very hard for him to cope with, so being judged for his parenting skills (after all, if he had joint custody, he failed him just as much as his mother) and showing such disinterest in his child must have been hard for him to deal with.

FBaby

Well to be fair, you (as in both of you) chose a long distance relationship, you chose not to protect yourself and fell pregnant, it's not as if you had no control over the situation. I know it is hard when you fall in love, but it is a choice you make.

When I started going on dating site, I made a point of refusing to talk to anyone living more than 1 hour away from me just because I knew I wouldn't want to find myself with that dilemma.

In the end, you had to make the best of the relationship as it is, and it seems you are indeed doing so. It's just quite frankly out unpleasant comments about looking after your partner's son that made me feel you were acting a bit selfish considering the situation.

Bluemeanie_2

pyjamadays wrote: »

I'm 29 weeks pregnant :-), I already have 2 children from a previous marriage age 15 & 11. I have a 3 bed house, my son (11) who lives with me most of the time has the smallest room & my daughter has the other room although she's only out 1 or twice a fortnight as she lives with her dad, but I do see her regularly.

my boyfriend who was long distance relationship for 2 yrs has moved in with us 7 weeks ago. Things were going really good up until last week, now it feels like a disaster :-(
He has a 3 & 1/2 yr old son who is ul on holiday for 3 weeks (2 weeks left) but he's still in nappies, still has baby bottles of milk and has to be spoon fed baby/pur!ed/mashed food. He shouts, whinges and bangs things all the time. a week before he was due to arrive my boyfriend got a job so I had to take holidays from my work to look after the boy, but he's driving me nuts and with being pregnant I don't feel able for it. my daughter can't stay the night as he is selling in her room so she's annoyed, my son is annoyed with the boys behaviour and the fact his sister can't stay & i feel like im not getting to spend time with my own kids.
I spoke to my boyfriend last night and said how I was feeling but he doesn't get it or see the problem. he said a few weeks ago he was thinking about getting him full time and them getting a place of there own. I also said yesterday the boy being here for 3 weeks is too long, especially after the baby is born. He said today he thinks things aren't right with us and he wants his son full time. There's no way I can do it, I don't ask him to do anything for my 2 as either I do it or they go to there dads when I'm working. in this last week he's hardly touched me and tonight rolled over and gone to sleep without even a cuddle I feel like I'm waiting for him to say he's moving out and leaving me to get custody of his son. what do I do? I have my own 2 kids to think of plus a new baby, before he moved here I made it clear i couldn't cope with his son too and gave him the chance to stay where he was and I'd bring up baby on my own.

I haven't read the whole thread, the replies I have read, you seem to be taking a lot of stick. Which I can understand as you seem het up and frustrated at the time you wrote it. Hope you sort it out. x

Valli

Have to say I am very impressed with your actions regarding your stepson. It would seem that his dad isn't really aware of what milestones his son (assuming no learning/developmental difficulties of course) should have achieved by now.

All sounds more positive.

themull1

Tiddlywinks wrote: »

Sorry, but you come across as selfish - you want your family unit to be put first before your BF and his son....

Where did you think 'the boy' would sleep when he came to stay? Did you not plan this with your BF first?

You have been together for 2 years but not lived together - why the heck did you choose to have a baby with someone you hadn't lived with and who had a child you hadn't even gotten to know a bit.

The reality is that you and your BF's families will be joined together forever by the child you are having together - you should have thought about that a bit more and made plans for how to introduce everyone and allow them time to get to know each other.

This is a situation that YOU need to take some responsibility for as well... stop blaming your parter and start planning how you are going to make things work.

What is particularly sad is that there is a little lad in this picture that has 'issues' whether medical or of his parents' making... either way, he needs help - not to be seen as a burden.

Your attitude to this little boy will transfer to your children and they will see him through your eyes... as a problem.

What to do? Your BF is the father of your unborn child... he needs to learn some parenting skills pretty darn quickly and you need to start accepting that he is also the father to a little boy that needs love and attention - don't let that little boy be a victim of your poor life planning.

I would always put my kids before a boyfriend or their kids...and i wouldnt look after someone elses kid for three weeks either!! i really dislike other peoples kids, i don't like being around them, wouldnt have them sleep over, wouldnt go on holiday with them. I can't think of anything worse.

jen007

OP, I don't know if anyone has asked this, but the pureed food. Is this coming from jars/premade?

I see that you have been mashing things for him, but mashing what?

TBH, I'd remove it completely. I think you would see a change in his behaviour, albeit it'll be tough at the start but would pay off greatly. Of course if it got to a point where he refused completely of eating solids to harm himself then mashed/VERY lumpy food would be okay but at this stage he should be eating solids. And IMO I wouldn't give into it just for an easy life.

Does he eat sweets/crisps/biscuits without them being mashed up?

onlyroz

Sounds like good progress with the toddler boy - I'd focus on the food issues. Rather than "trying" to get him off bottles and puree why not just do it? If the boy is three then presumably he's now talking reasonably well (at least I can never get my 3-year-old to shut up) so just say "this is what you are drinking" and "this is what you are eating". If he tantrums then ignore him. If he struggles with cutting up the food, using cutlery, holding a cup etc then assist where necessary - but be firm about how things are going to be at your house.

pyjamadays

he has always been given jars of food although i have been making him home cooked. it was a struggle the first few days as he expects all food to be orange. he doesn't eat snacks or crisps/sweets as he's always been spoon fed and doesn't understand what to do with it.....yet!

SingleSue

shegirl wrote: »

Dummies or buggies or just nappies is one thing.A whole bundle is another!

As I said,if the child has developmental delay/learning difficulties (which sounds likely) then fair enough,but they should know or accept (I'm aware that there are some people who refuse to accept these things as they are and blame the parents).

My ex husband absolutely refused to believe our two younger boys had disabilities when we were together and after we split and would tell all and sundry there was nothing wrong with them a good clout wouldn't cure....he finally accepted it this year, 11 years after middle son was finally diagnosed with Aspergers and 10 years after youngest was diagnosed with complex autism, that they had 'problems'

Mind you, not to my face but to a school friend of middle son who also has Aspergers....