relationship going wrong :(

FatVonD

pyjamadays wrote: »

I didn't take 1 week off, it's nearly 3 apart from weekends when I'm working. I'm not saying I never want him here, just not for 3 weeks when I have to look after him. 1 would be fine.

I can understand that, you've been expected to step in as 24/7 unpaid childminder to a child you barely know, very unfair of your partner.

balletshoes

shegirl wrote: »

I'm sorry,if a child of 3 and a half years is still in nappies,still drinks from a bottle,still has to be spoon fed and has to have baby food or mashed/pureed food and it's NOT due to learning difficulties somebody would've swooped in by now and done something about it!Nobody would be allowing that to happen!!

Maybe you or he don't accept learning difficulties? if there's nothing then anyone who knows the poor child should be seriously disgusted with themselves for not doing anything!

Oh,and in case you didn't guess,everything you've said about him makes it sound like he has learning difficulties...if he didn't before he probably will now!

like who? maybe the child doesn't go to classes or groups with other toddlers, maybe they are always with their mum and their mum hasn't done anything about progressing him onto weaning, cups or getting out of nappies?

I agree its something that needs to be changed, but I don't agree that this would necessarily have come to the attention of any authority yet.

shegirl

balletshoes wrote: »

like who? maybe the child doesn't go to classes or groups with other toddlers, maybe they are always with their mum and their mum hasn't done anything about progressing him onto weaning, cups or getting out of nappies?

I agree its something that needs to be changed, but I don't agree that this would necessarily have come to the attention of any authority yet.

The father for a start...

IF (and that's a very big if) it's due to parenting something should've been done.not so much the nappies per se but all of it combined would be hindering a childs development-physically and mentally!

Valli

Shegirl - there are parents who don't encourage development of their children - I have even seen children given dummies after school (!) and parents bring buggies for them - and I'm talking KS2! Children can slip through the net in those years between clinic and school!

The child may have developmental difficulties; the mother and father may not know how to parent. We don't know.

FatVonD

OP, is he in nappies during the day or just at night? My own DS was toilet trained at the normal age still had those pyjama pant things until he was around 6 as he just couldn't get through the night without weeing and would never wake up, his step brother was the same (apparently it's more prevalent in boys than girls.) I can totally understand you being peed off if it's all day, it can't be pleasant changing the nappy of a child that is eating proper food (albeit pureed.)

Re the pureed food, I'd be throwing healthy eating to the wind and getting him down to McDonalds or the like to see if he would eat solid food in a 'fun' situation with other kids or whether there is some physical or psychological reason why he can't swallow 'proper' food.

My onw son detested those second stage baby foods with lumps so went straight from the pureed stuff to proper food, maybe your partner's little boy didn't get on with those lumps and thye've just never got past it?

Saturnalia

I think we should hold fire on criticising OP for getting pregnant, we don't know if they planned to or not. Given the circumstances of the relationship and family living arrangements, I'd suspect they didn't.

shegirl

Valli wrote: »

Shegirl - there are parents who don't encourage development of their children - I have even seen children given dummies after school (!) and parents bring buggies for them - and I'm talking KS2! Children can slip through the net in those years between clinic and school!

The child may have developmental difficulties; the mother and father may not know how to parent. We don't know.

Dummies or buggies or just nappies is one thing.A whole bundle is another!

As I said,if the child has developmental delay/learning difficulties (which sounds likely) then fair enough,but they should know or accept (I'm aware that there are some people who refuse to accept these things as they are and blame the parents).But if it's wholly due to parenting it's not good and somebody should've stepped in by now.Be under no illusion that social services take kindly to infantalising a child.

It's time someone talked to doctors,health visitors etc to see what's happening with the little lad.

If the father doesn't know how to parent either then he also needs help.

Whichever way it is somebody needs to find out and get things in place.That is far more important than moaning about the child and relationship!

natlol

I feel sorry for you. My advice would be to tell him it isn't working having the little one staying and needs to be returned to his mother pronto. You need to put your own children above anything else. Hope it gets sorted for you.

Tiglath

Really your bf should've renegotiated with his ex re his son staying once he knew he'd landed that job. Personally I'd be livid. You do have a blended family but to expect it to start (I presume) with a 3-week stint with the father now working and having it all land on your plate care-wise is very unfair, especially as you'd told him before he moved in that it would be too much. He needs to step up and be a proper Dad to his son, and if he doesn't see that there's a problem, I think you're going to be in for a tough time once your joint baby arrives. I feel for you, I really do. From your first post it sounds as if your bf is backing away from you and your expected baby already It's a really hard job being a step-parent, and I can't even imagine being pregnant on top of all that. You have my sympathy.

Tiddlywinks

Saturnalia wrote: »

I think we should hold fire on criticising OP for getting pregnant, we don't know if they planned to or not. Given the circumstances of the relationship and family living arrangements, I'd suspect they didn't.

If you are a recent single mum, with a dodgy realtionship with your teenage daughter (see other threads), have a BF with a young son who has 'issues' and are not living with your BF.... is this really the time to get pregnant? NO... so, don't get pregnant.

Oh, I hear everyone reply, what about 'accidents'... well, if (for example) you absolutely don't want your trousers to fall down, and it would be a life long disaster if they did fall down, then you would probably wear a belt and braces to make sure that they stayed up... as it would be near impossible for both to fail at the same time; so your trousers are likely to stay up... see where I'm going with this?

People need to take more responsibility for their own lives, rather than others making excuses for those poor choices after they screw up.