relationship going wrong :(

Sambucus_Nigra

pyjamadays wrote: »

I didn't take 1 week off, it's nearly 3 apart from weekends when I'm working. I'm not saying I never want him here, just not for 3 weeks when I have to look after him. 1 would be fine.

That's even worse.

onlyroz

A relationship means both of you accepting and embracing each other and your families. So I don't see how you can expect him to move in and take on a father to your own children if you're not willing to do the same for his children. I think you both need to set down clearly where the responsibilities lie for the household and all the children, ensuring that no favouritism occurs.

And if this toddler is part of your household now and is having developmental difficulties (and that *is* the case if they're still eating purees beyond 1 year) then I don't understand why you don't want to help correct that. Is it because the child's mother is neglectful? And does your boyfriend see it as a problem? (Because if he doesn't then that suggests deficiencies in his own parenting skills).

Valli

Well, if you've two weeks left why not do some parenting of the little boy? Time enough to start giving him the option of finger foods...and introduce him to a potty?

Saturnalia

Has the lad actually been assessed to find out if there are any medical reasons why he is so delayed? Your boyfriend needs to have him to the doctor first thing tomorrow. The lad's 3 1/2, you've got 10 months until school.

If he is medically fine, it's the mother's parenting that needs to be called into question, and again why wasn't your boyfriend on top of this ages ago? Why has it taken you to notice that all isn't well here?

I'm getting the impression (I may be very wrong here, and I hope I am!) that he's been more interested in setting up his new family arrangement and is now happy to make his child your problem.

But luckily for the tot, you're sitting up and taking notice.

System

if he is 3 and a half and still on pureed foods the poor mite must be starving.

Tigsteroonie

Judi wrote: »

if he is 3 and a half and still on pureed foods the poor mite must be starving.

Not necessarily, that's a bit of a snap judgement.

Our boy is 3 1/4, and is still on prescription milk from a bottle with puree food. Yes, he has learning delay with suspected ASD so there is good reason; but he is NOT starving.

mrcow

This should all have been resolved before you chose to get yourself pregnant.

Relationships are hard work. If you want it to work, then you need to start putting more effort into it. This kid obviously has issues and you can help him with those. Why wouldn't you? If you love your partner, then you both need to start working together towards the same goals.

Lance

I have to agree with the post above. Perhaps all these problems should have been looked into and a sound relationship established before getting pregnant and putting more pressure on an untested 'long distance' relationship. So, you have 2 children and he has one and a 4th is on the way in a 3 bedroom house. It's not like that was never going to cause pressure was it!

Tiddlywinks

pyjamadays wrote: »

He doesn't have learning difficulties, he's just never been taken out of nappies & off bottles. I only call him the boy to differentiate between him & my children. I don't resent him as such but he is in my daughters room in her bed, if she wants to stay she has to sleep on the chair in the sitting room.
I don't think we rushed things, we'd been together for 2 yrs.

I don't ask my bf to look after my children as I already wrote, and even if he did, at there age there isn't much looking after to be done.

Sorry, but you come across as selfish - you want your family unit to be put first before your BF and his son....

Where did you think 'the boy' would sleep when he came to stay? Did you not plan this with your BF first?

You have been together for 2 years but not lived together - why the heck did you choose to have a baby with someone you hadn't lived with and who had a child you hadn't even gotten to know a bit.

The reality is that you and your BF's families will be joined together forever by the child you are having together - you should have thought about that a bit more and made plans for how to introduce everyone and allow them time to get to know each other.

This is a situation that YOU need to take some responsibility for as well... stop blaming your parter and start planning how you are going to make things work.

What is particularly sad is that there is a little lad in this picture that has 'issues' whether medical or of his parents' making... either way, he needs help - not to be seen as a burden.

Your attitude to this little boy will transfer to your children and they will see him through your eyes... as a problem.

What to do? Your BF is the father of your unborn child... he needs to learn some parenting skills pretty darn quickly and you need to start accepting that he is also the father to a little boy that needs love and attention - don't let that little boy be a victim of your poor life planning.

shegirl

pyjamadays wrote: »

He doesn't have learning difficulties, he's just never been taken out of nappies & off bottles. I only call him the boy to differentiate between him & my children. I don't resent him as such but he is in my daughters room in her bed, if she wants to stay she has to sleep on the chair in the sitting room.
I don't think we rushed things, we'd been together for 2 yrs.

I don't ask my bf to look after my children as I already wrote, and even if he did, at there age there isn't much looking after to be done.

I'm sorry,if a child of 3 and a half years is still in nappies,still drinks from a bottle,still has to be spoon fed and has to have baby food or mashed/pureed food and it's NOT due to learning difficulties somebody would've swooped in by now and done something about it!Nobody would be allowing that to happen!!Maybe you or he don't accept learning difficulties? if there's nothing then anyone who knows the poor child should be seriously disgusted with themselves for not doing anything!

Oh,and in case you didn't guess,everything you've said about him makes it sound like he has learning difficulties...if he didn't before he probably will now!