Affair - should I stay or should I go?

p00pieb0tt0m

I don't have an opinion about whether you should tell her husband or not.

Just to say that my male manager has previously had affairs with members of staff and when his wife found out, she went to the office and had a real go at the females involved. Never was it my managers fault!

Perhaps you could go down the line of harassment. Tell this woman that if she contacts you again you will notify the police of her constant communications. If she still does get in touch then report her and then the husband should find out.

ifstar

sportbeth wrote: »

We're still trying to work things out to be honest - we were/are due to marry in November though - kind of makes it even more heartbreaking

If you have any doubts in your mind then you shouldn't get married. If my partner had done that then continually lied about it then it would take a lot of work from them to get my trust back. If you do think then your bloke will think he can get away with anything.

As for this other woman trying to guilt you in to not telling, you could very easily of had a family or a marriage that she broke up or as you said earlier that she slept with a guy who's partner was pregnant. The only person she is worried about just now is herself.

The idea someone suggested about giving her a timescale would be my choice although I am not quite sure how you would know if she had done it or not.

RabbitMad

Am I the only one who thinks you shouldn't tell him?

"What you don't know can't hurt you"
"Let slepping dogs lie"
etc

The chances are he already knows but doesn't want to admit it to himself or doesn't care what she's done. He may even blame your bloke and go and beat him up.

As for whether you should marry your bloke; can you trust him? will you spend the next 10 years checking his mobile, emails pockets etc for signs of another affair? If so even though he's bought it on himself he will resent that and that will cause problems of its own.

well good luck with what ever you decide to do

lynzpower

"what you dont know cant hurt you"

Maybe thats what beths OH and this woman were thinking about beth.

Didnt work did it.

Pile of rubbbish, it hurts all the more because of the lies , the deceit and the vows and trust that has been broken.

the_other_mce

Tell her husband - he deserves to know the truth as much as you did. I had a close relative in my family who found out her husband had an affair and the 'woman' begged her not to tell her husband and children because it would destroy her life!!! The 'woman' didn't give a S**t about my relative's kid or marriage. My poor relation spent 30 years living with this 'secret' as if it was her fault (!) and her husband only had to be a little late home when all the hurt re-surfaced. This may sound extreme but it is true. I feel that the relative in question should have told the other womans husband ( in the respect of don't hang onto problems that don't belong to you). She died with this secret.... and one day I WILL meet the other woman and her hubby and spill the beans....lousy, deceitful cow that she is.
See the other tart for what she is - she has stabbed you in the back - don't do her any favours.
Also if you do her the favour and keep her 'little secret' for her you are only deceiving her husband - which makes you a guilty party too in a way.
Sorry to sound harsh but I needed to say this ... big hugs to you for what you are going through - but hold your head up high and remember YOU DON'T OWE EITHER OF THEM ANY FAVOURS....

Scarlett1

sportbeth I would get rid of both of them, tell the stinker's husband what she has done as you dont owe her anything, she wasnt thinking of her kids when she was having an bit with your fiance. I would then get rid of this bloke, if he can do this to you before you have even married him what is he going to do behind you back once you have got married , dont let a mortgage bind you together, this wasnt a one off that he has bitterly regret this was something that carried on for a while, is this the actions of mr right ?

desperate_lou

Hi Again

What a terrible situation, i ve got a feeling that you are still going to go ahead with the wedding! you havent really said what your partner thinks about you telling her husband about affair or dosent he know? What i m trying to say really is that if you are getting married still in 3 months isn t telling the husband about affair going to stir it all back up again maybe causing more trouble between you and other half.

Im not saying she should be allowed to get away with it, but if it really is all over with, and you want to get on with building bridges with other half then maybe its best left and just tell her if she ever contact you or other half then you have e mails etc that you will show to her husband. \I know you wany revenge but you have got to put your future first, don t do anything unless you are 100% sure.

Good luck

lou x

hilstep2000

Sportbeth,
Do I know where you're coming from! My OH had four affairs (that I knew of). Each time he was sorry, and begged me to forgive him, which I did. I found out about The first one, six weeks after my son was born, it was with my so-called "best friend" and it turned out that the baby she'd had a month before mine was my husbands.:eek:
I forgave him then, and three other times, but when, on my 40th birthday, he left me alone with the kids and took out his latest conquest, I decided that I was being made a mug of.

I threw him out, and stated again on my own. It wasn't an easy start, it felt like jumping off a cliff, but I survived, and now 7 years down the line, I have two lovely (now grown-up) children, and a gorgeous man who treats me like a queen.:T

This is something only you can decide, but leopards never change their spots, and remember "Life is NOT a dress rehersal" you only get one shot at it.

Good Luck!

Errata

My twopennorth for what it's worth. She's having a laugh ! Go round to hers when her OH is home and give her a slap and then tell him why.

Curious_George_2

RabbitMad wrote: »

Am I the only one who thinks you shouldn't tell him?

"What you don't know can't hurt you"
"Let slepping dogs lie"
etc

The chances are he already knows but doesn't want to admit it to himself or doesn't care what she's done. He may even blame your bloke and go and beat him up.

was sportbeth better off not knowing for definate?
driving yourself crazy with suspicions and trying to pick the lies out of every conversation is no fun for anybody,
its possible he knows and doesnt care (not likely though) but maybe he is in the same position as OP was a few months ago, maybe he suspects but cant prove it.... maybe he lays awake at night thinking it over and its making the poor bloke doubt every word the deceptive witch says.... there is NO way her behaviour hasnt noticably changed since all this came out,

why doesnt he deserve to know?
why should SB carry the burden of this dirty secret when she is one of the 2 innocent parties,
I hate all that 'what you dont know cant hurt you' cop out stuff, the majority of liars get caught out in the end, wouldnt you rather be told now than find out in a few years time you have been living a lie? that everyone knew about?

if these people cant face the consequences then maybe they should keep their pants on.