Affair - should I stay or should I go?

samtman

All I can say is if my partner was cheating I would want to know otherwise my relationship is based on a complete lie that even I wouldn't know.

r.mac_2

Oh sportbeth.

I have just read this whole thread. Firstly - I am really sorry to hear that your suspicions were proved right. I'm sorry its not worked out and wish you luck with what you do next regarding your relationship.

I've tried to put it in context - i'm sitting in the same relationship place as you -about to get married etc and i keep thinking what if it was me it happened to.

Obviously i can't say for sure, but i would be pretty angry at the thought of the 'other woman' sitting at home in her family unit living unscathed through all my pain and hurt. I'm not sure if i would be telling her husband so he knew and could protect his family etc or in order to hurt her.

how would you feel if you told him and then knew that they worked it through and lived happily ever after?

Its such a hard one and i hope you have lots of good freinds around you to help support you. I think when it comes down to it I would tell - but i do add a caveat that i'm not sure if i would be doing it for the right reasons.

good luck to you - and remember we are always here

xxx

sportbeth

desperate_lou wrote: »

Hi

Have only just started eading through this tread so apologies if i ve not taken it all in. What is the situation with you and other half, ie are you still getting married this year / you still talking and trying to work things out etc

lou

We're still trying to work things out to be honest - we were/are due to marry in November though - kind of makes it even more heartbreaking

sportbeth

samtman wrote: »

All I can say is if my partner was cheating I would want to know otherwise my relationship is based on a complete lie that even I wouldn't know.

I know - I told my partner last night that I would rather be sat here now knowing than sat where I was suspecting for the next 20 years. I hate what I do know, but happier that I know and I think her husband has that right too

sportbeth

The other option that I have considered is saying to her "You have 7 days to tell him - then I will drop the bomb on Monday of next week"

If I were in his shoes I would at least respect it if my partner told me - not someone else. Maybe not respect it, but hate it less

honeypop

sportbeth wrote: »

The other option that I have considered is saying to her "You have 7 days to tell him - then I will drop the bomb on Monday of next week"

If my partner cheated on me I would at least respect slightly the fact that they told me, not someone else.

I was going to suggest this same thing - tell her either she can tell her OH about it, or you will. I would give her a timescale like you said, and tell her she has the opportuniuty to own up herself (thus possibly relieving you of any guilt about telling him and 'ruining' their family unit) ot that you will do it with no hesitation. To be honest if I was in your position and was worrying about whether to tell him for the reasons you have given, the fact that she wasn't mature enough to deal with the consequences of her actions and tell him herself, would be the final straw and make me feel she wasn't worth keeping quiet for.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do, but like you say, you could keep quiet and she'll only do it again with someone else anyway.

Curious_George_2

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I would find it hard to live with myself afterwards, esp if the marriage broke up and the kids were affected. Only you can decide if you can do it with a clear conscience....

sorry but i dont see how that is the OPs problem,
the other woman is responsible for her family and thier feelings/reactions to all this, it is her that let them down and shouldnt get away scot free when other peoples lives have been turned upside down...
sportbeth has done nothing wrong and shouldnt have to feel guilty about telling the poor womans husband, if i was him, i would want to know.

did either of them care about sportbeths feelings when they were having the affair?

HappyG1rl

sportbeth wrote: »

The other option that I have considered is saying to her "You have 7 days to tell him - then I will drop the bomb on Monday of next week"

If I were in his shoes I would at least respect it if my partner told me - not someone else. Maybe not respect it, but hate it less

How will you know that she has told him?

Curious_George_2

sportbeth wrote: »

The other option that I have considered is saying to her "You have 7 days to tell him - then I will drop the bomb on Monday of next week"

If I were in his shoes I would at least respect it if my partner told me - not someone else. Maybe not respect it, but hate it less

good call,
can you imagine the stress, anguish and regret all adding up over that week as she tries to find the right time to tell him?

call it childish revenge... but why shouldnt she suffer like you have?

sportbeth

Curious_George wrote: »

good call,
can you imagine the stress, anguish and regret all adding up over that week as she tries to find the right time to tell him?

call it childish revenge... but why shouldnt she suffer like you have?

That's exactly how I feel - she was texting on Friday saying that she hadn't slept and was s***ting herself. I've done that every day since March!! And yes, I do feel that I shouldn't be the only one that hurts over this.

In answer to the other question, I did ponder whether or not I would know as I don't live near them and have never met her husband. I would text him to see if he wants to talk to me I guess, or just send a package of stuff (evidence) to arrive by monday morning. Special Delivery so that I know he has signed for it.