Affair - should I stay or should I go?

esthomizzy

I hope you are ok Beth and things worked out.

Thinking of you.

MOLLYBRUSH

Just read all the way through this and thought I would put in my two penneth. So sorry you are going though this - brought back a few horrible memories. Something which helped me was this: Relationships can survive an affair, but only if the straying partner is really, really sorry.

Earlier on you said he was being quite closed about it, but your later posts seem to suggest you are communicating and are quite tight as a team. I would also surmise that his offer to tell the husband was a way of showing that he was sorry. Is he sorry enough? If you think he is, then I would say that you have a chance. Only you can decide, but a one-off like this might just have focussed him on the strengths of your relationship. If it happens again, then I would definitely be running for the hills.

Please also bear in mind that if or when you have children (in my experience) you can feel quite powerless and not have the energy to face up to what is really happening. At least at the moment you have the opportunity to walk away relatively easily and can start afresh and never have to see him again. If you have doubts now and then you have children with him, not only will you feel like crap, but you still need to maintain contact. You are irrevocably tied.

Catblue

My 2p too.

You obviously love your boyfriend very deeply, or you would not have acted in the way that you have.

There were six people involved in this situation and five of them (you, the woman, her husband and the two kids) have been horribly hurt and punished by this.

The only one who has escaped hurt and punishment is your boyfriend.

He looked you in the eye and said "I would never, ever lie to you" and then lied to you for months. He said that you were mad to even consider that he was unfaithful.

The really tragic thing about this is that, deep down, I think that your actions since you found out were inspired by your desire to protect, defend and minimise any hurt to HIM - your boyfriend, when he is the one who has betrayed you.

You'll be blaming yourself next.

I find it heartbreaking.