Affair - should I stay or should I go?

barber1982

esthmizzy i could have written that the same thing happened to me only, difference i have now moved so no hope of every getting back together not that i would want the cheater back

mossstar

I was mulling your situation over today, and i realized that what i'd forgotten to say was that this whole 'telling the husband' thing has sort of become the focus of your attention (probably because it's much easier and much less painful) when really it's got absolutely nothing to do with it. Your focus right now should be you, and you alone ~ you need a holiday by yourself! not with this fella.

I hope you're OK

sportbeth

Can't talk now, but I told him. Will post back soon

melancholly

just hope you're ok - whatever you decided to do, you have no responsibility for the situation arising in the first place - you could only react to the mess that they stuck you in!

i think you need to find out if you OH is ready for marriage.... maybe he's just terrified of the commitment and reacted in a particularly revolting way. whatever you do regarding your OH, decide on what your heart/head says about the relationship and not about the practicalities of the mortgage etc. if you want to end things, they will work out - it will be rocky, but things will end up as ok. if you decide to stay together, it has to be for the right reasons or the relationship will be over soon anyway.

and if telling him makes you feel better, then good for you for telling him.

paddy's_mum

If the 'him' that you refer to in post 104 is the husband, I am frankly utterly disgusted, and that is the strongest comment I have ever made on a forum!

I guess the moral of this story is that in the same way as most people like to spread around a few smiles or a bit of happiness or share some simple good luck with their friends and family, the identical kindly ethic applies if it is pain, misery, grief and heartbreak that you wish to give to others.

Well done sportbeth. You have got your revenge, albeit at appalling cost to the innocents in this scenario. Is your heart feeling lighter now? I assume you feel that a wrong has been righted but where does that leave you? You've possibly screwed up a lot of lives but you are still left with a betraying fiance who cannot be trusted, cannot be believed and who may well perceive your action as totally vindictive and poisonous.

I hope for your sake that your fiance doesn't decide that he wants nothing more to do with somebody who has behaved in such a way. I hope for your sake that now that it's all out in the open and the way is clear for him and the other woman to get together, that he doesn't decide to leave you anyway. Why not - there is no more damage to be done, is there?

I am quite sure that you have heard the expression 'the wife/husband is always the last to know'. The logic behind that saying is that most people realise that to spill the beans achieves nothing except more pain and distress. That is why they choose to say nothing and let the wounds heal. You have chosen differently, and as much as I support your right to make that decision, I think your action is despicable.

If my perception of your last post is mistaken, I shall have no hesitation whatever in publicly withdrawing my comments and apologising to you from the bottom of my heart. I would expect other members to slate me for them and will take the flak.

However harsh you may think my remarks, I stand by them. If that leads to me being barred from this site, then so be it, but I cannot believe that in the light of your own months of agony, you would willingly and knowingly inflict the same horrors on the poor duped husband and the innocent children.

melancholly

sportbeth - please ignore the post above.... don't you dare feel guilty about telling this man. you waited a long time to do it so it clearly wasn't a vindictive decision made in anger. telling him may cause the other relationship to end, but it is the affair that has done that. in his position, i would want to know so that i could decide what to do......

blaming sportbeth for the consequences of an affair she did not participate in is really not helpful. and tryign to make her feel even more guilty when she's been clearly upset about this situation for months is cruel.

Scarlett1

paddy's_mum wrote: »

If the 'him' that you refer to in post 104 is the husband, I am frankly utterly disgusted, and that is the strongest comment I have ever made on a forum!

I guess the moral of this story is that in the same way as most people like to spread around a few smiles or a bit of happiness or share some simple good luck with their friends and family, the identical kindly ethic applies if it is pain, misery, grief and heartbreak that you wish to give to others.

Well done sportbeth. You have got your revenge, albeit at appalling cost to the innocents in this scenario. Is your heart feeling lighter now? I assume you feel that a wrong has been righted but where does that leave you? You've possibly screwed up a lot of lives but you are still left with a betraying fiance who cannot be trusted, cannot be believed and who may well perceive your action as totally vindictive and poisonous.

I hope for your sake that your fiance doesn't decide that he wants nothing more to do with somebody who has behaved in such a way. I hope for your sake that now that it's all out in the open and the way is clear for him and the other woman to get together, that he doesn't decide to leave you anyway. Why not - there is no more damage to be done, is there?

I am quite sure that you have heard the expression 'the wife/husband is always the last to know'. The logic behind that saying is that most people realise that to spill the beans achieves nothing except more pain and distress. That is why they choose to say nothing and let the wounds heal. You have chosen differently, and as much as I support your right to make that decision, I think your action is despicable.

If my perception of your last post is mistaken, I shall have no hesitation whatever in publicly withdrawing my comments and apologising to you from the bottom of my heart. I would expect other members to slate me for them and will take the flak.

However harsh you may think my remarks, I stand by them. If that leads to me being barred from this site, then so be it, but I cannot believe that in the light of your own months of agony, you would willingly and knowingly inflict the same horrors on the poor duped husband and the innocent children.

how rude, I think your post is despicable, this man is entitled to know that his women is shagging behind his back, anyone with an ounce of self respect would want to know, maybe now this woman might leave sportbeths man alone if she knows it could mean the end of her own marriage, the only one who has screwed up anyone lives is the woman dropping her knickers behind her husbands back :rolleyes:

ifstar

Sportbeth is an innocent in this, her partner and the other guys wife are the only guilty ones. How has she screwed up a lot of people's lives? Surely the guys wife should have considered what might happen to her husband and children? If it wasn't for their actions then this situation would never have happened.

The logic behind 'the wife/husband is always the last to know' means that it is the ones that are supposed to be the most loved and special person is the one who is betrayed the most. Would it be better for that woman to carry on behind her husbands back with him being unaware or worse still suspecting and going through the agony of that. How can the wounds heal if the guy doesn't know what is going on behind his back.

I hope for Sportbeth's sake she wants nothing more to do with her partner who lied to her face and behaved in such a way behind her back.

angelus

Paddy's mum,

You should hang your head in shame over that attack on this poor lass, who are you to judge?

Kimitatsu

angelus wrote: »

You should hang your head in shame over that attack on this poor lass, who are you to judge?

But who is anyone to judge? My heart goes out to SB and if she feels happier then I am not one to condemn that feeling BUT there are two sides to every story and of the four people involved in this we have only heard the story of one.

I for one could not put my hand on my heart and make a sound judgement on any of them. SB's fiance must have had doubts to have even contemplated throwing away his relationship, this was not jsut a one night stand it was a prolonged relationship. The other woman cannot have been happy to have looked elsewhere.

Paddys Mum you are just as entitled to your opinion as anyone else on here.