Affair - should I stay or should I go?

Jamz

I would have to leave. There is no way i think i could get the trust back.

sportbeth

Yep you're right. I've just looked at the beach wedding info he sent me this morning (we were going to get away from it all and just get married, pah!) and it just smacks of distraction tactics.

He asked me to swear on something when he told me he wasn't lying. I bit my tongue and stopped myself from asking him to swear on my mothers ashes. I wish I had now, then I would have known what I was dealing with.

I think I've got to be calm now, (I nearly sent all the e-mails to both of them to let them know I knew last week but stopped myself because I needed time to think, boy would that have created a storm!) I think I've got to take the ball back in my court and find out for myself what I'm dealing with

Acc72

I think Poppyscorner's post is really interesting - as somebody else has already said, you do not know exactly what you would do until you are actually in that situation.

I would also say that it is not a sign of weakness on your part to be able to forgive and move on in your relationship.

However, before you can do that you need a full "cards on the table" discussion with your partner.

You may both say things that the other does not like, but at least then you can make whatever decision is best for you.


Good luck.

helpMe_2-2

I think when you're both in the same room you should ask to speak with him. I think you should say "I'm going to ask you again what happened and I want you to be honest to me". I think he will again repeat what he has said to you before i.e nothing has happened etc. Perhaps he's denying this to himself. Then I think you should go get your "evidence" and ask him to explain it. If he has no reasonable explanation or one that convinces you I would call the wedding off and leave. Is there anyway you could ask this woman what has happened?

sportbeth

helpMe wrote: »

I think when you're both in the same room you should ask to speak with him. I think you should say "I'm going to ask you again what happened and I want you to be honest to me". I think he will again repeat what he has said to you before i.e nothing has happened etc. Perhaps he's denying this to himself. Then I think you should go get your "evidence" and ask him to explain it. If he has no reasonable explanation or one that convinces you I would call the wedding off and leave. Is there anyway you could ask this woman what has happened?

Well I'm sure I could with a few threatening gestures!

In all honesty though I have pictured in my mind what I was going to do. She's been e-mailing everything from her company e-mail, with her address on there. Was just going to just rock up and say "Mrs X? Sportbeth here, I believe you were expecting me" and then just sit back in her office and see what she's got to say about it. I was then going to decide from there if I was going to write to her husband!

Penny_Watcher

(((((hugs))))) Sorry for your troubles hun.

I would break all ties with this man. Without trust you have nothing. I know you love him, but you love the man you thought he was - not the man he has shown himself to be. If you 'forgive' his actions then there's a chance he'll take that as permission to do it again - after all you forgave him last time

What would I do in your situation.....................

I'd drop my husband like a hot stone and he'd do the same to me. Both of us have been messed about by former partners in the past and the 'No Playing Away EVER' rule is a core part of our relationship. He works away a lot so we need to trust each other completely.

The very best of luck with whatever you decide to do.

Bewitched2761

Sorry but I could never forgive an affair or contemplate marriage to a man I couldnt trust that just me very black and white.
I dont think Id have a minutes peace worrying about their future conduct and once the trust is gone what have you got left.
Whatever your decision I wish you all the best, you obviously love him and I hope it works out best for you.
Whatever you do look after your own interests and heart

Sarahjovi

What a shame and after all the dilema with your Bridesmaid too!

I really don't know how to advise you, other than to imagine yourself in the future! Is it with him, or do you think, in 1, 5 or 10 years time, you would be throwing it in his face everytime you had a row!

Good luck with it!

Sarah

Labman_2

Why should Sportbeth leave?....she's the wronged party here. Tell him to leave...at least until he's willing to be 100% honest with her! Then bridges may be able to be built.

kay74

I don't have anything to add to all the advice on here already, but I know how you're feeling and I just want to send you a hug. xox