Grandparents Presents - Double Standards?

duchy

I think you could have swung the whole cafe thing around by picking up the bill......and why on earth didn't Mrs AO just order for HER kids anyway instead of leaving them with nothing to eat.

TBH If Mrs AO has a beef with your parents she should talk to them honestly about it and stop with the passive aggressive bit !

claire21

What do you get from your parents compared to your siblings for xmas birthday out of interest?

podperson

The money/gifts wouldn't be a big deal for me (though personally I would try never to treat kids differently regardless of how 'successful' their parents seemed to be) but the time would irritate me. You don't say how old your kids are at the moment, as they get older they may start to notice more the lack of time and attention from their grandparents in comparison to their cousins and it can be hurtful from their point of view.
Could you perhaps try and broach this side of things with your parents? eg, the kids would love to spend a bit of time just with you for a change, could we arrange something in particular for next time we visit.

fluffnutter

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Do you think they might notice when they get older and if so do you think they will understand or might feel that their grandparents care more about the others?

I reckon that will depend on how Mr and Mrs AO explain the difference to their kids. If they couch it as 'all your loser cousins need every help they can get' perhaps they won't be too perturbed

In all seriousness, the kids will take their steer from their parents. It's not a great situation, to be fair, but it doesn't need to be a disaster.

Alias_Omega

fluffnutter wrote: »

So isn't this really about your and Mrs AO's differing opinions on this, as opposed to whether or not to broach it with your parents?

That's the real issue, IMO.

FWIW, I think you're right.

I know, im always right.. :j

Anyways, Mrs AO always has a go at me about this, and its always the middle part of an argument (mse really should allow F7) which usually ends up with "I'm/Your moving out..." and a bit of non-talking for a couple of days. It's pretty cool, as i like the silent treatment.

The Question was...

"Should we approach my parents about this problem of Double Standards?"

Alias_Omega

duchy wrote: »

I think you could have swung the whole cafe thing around by picking up the bill......and why on earth didn't Mrs AO just order for HER kids anyway instead of leaving them with nothing to eat.

Duchy,

I was away at the cash point reloading in funds. I mentioned this earlier in the thread. Sorry.

The Cafe was a pay-as-you-pick type of place, with a tray. Similar to Service Station style.

claire21 wrote: »

What do you get from your parents compared to your siblings for xmas birthday out of interest?

I don't get anything. Sometimes i get a birthday card from all the family, all written in the same handwriting.

azzabazza

My mother once cut a selection box in half, wrapped both halves and gave them to my kids for Christmas. I was so hurt as there was no reason financially that she couldn't afford to give them a small gift such as a book or a gift token. She very rarely gave them birthday presents. Her philosphy in life is that we are the parents, we provide for all their needs. I have always brought my children up to believe it is the thought that counts not the value of the gift. However, they have always had difficulty with this regarding their grandmother!

I can see where Mrs AO is coming from, equality for all the grandchildren.

Alias_Omega

fluffnutter wrote: »

I reckon that will depend on how Mr and Mrs AO explain the difference to their kids. If they couch it as 'all your loser cousins need every help they can get' perhaps they won't be too perturbed
.

Fluff,

I don't, nor ever will have any "LOSER" nieces/nephews.

However, my parents will still travel further away than us to see "LOSER" friends over us/our children.

HeatherintheHills

Alias_Omega wrote: »

Fluff,

Whilst Mrs AO followed everyone into the Cafe, i was off to the local cash machine to replenish on funds.

When i returned, they were tucking into the meals and ours were not.

However, we led the way in the funding that you mention, by providing the funding for the arcade/funfair next door.

That is a bit OTT in my opinion. Your children were there and saw gran buy a meal for their cousins and not for them, then had to sit and watch them eating while they waited for you. And being kids at the seaside, no doubt they were really hungry.

Which siblings have what is really irrelevant. Your Mum risks your children thinking that Gran doesn't love them as much as their cousins. Kids notice this stuff and it does damage.

I'd have a word with your Mum and try to make her realise her grandchildren should be treated the same when they are all in company together with her. As you said earlier, postal presents and so on are less important, but when the children are all together a little more thought is needed.

FWIW if I had gone into the cafe to find all of the kids eating I'd have insisted on refunding Mum, but as she bought for 4 and excluded your kids I'd be less inclined to refund her. What she did was thoughtless.

fluffnutter

Alias_Omega wrote: »

Fluff,

I don't, nor ever will have any "LOSER" nieces/nephews.

However, my parents will still travel further away than us to see "LOSER" friends over us/our children.

Sorry, didn't read your post properly. No offence intended