Grandparents Presents - Double Standards?

Acc72

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I understand this to a degree.

But why not discuss this and at least wait until he had returned with some cash and then bought all the food at the same time.

But we do not know anything about the grandmothers financial situation (although the inference is that she is not particularly well off).

It could be that she had £10 in her purse which was just enough to buy 5 bags of chips and 5 drinks.

POPPYOSCAR

Acc72 wrote: »

But we do not know anything about the grandmothers financial situation (although the inference is that she is not particularly well off).

It could be that she had £10 in her purse which was just enough to buy 5 bags of chips and 5 drinks.

Yes I get that.

But my point is she should have waited until all the children could eat together. It is not fair for the others to have to wait until their father came back and watch the other children eat.

She could have said to her son, I only have enough to cover the costs for x, y and z but I will wait to get the food until you come back so that all the children can eat together.

londonsurrey

I suppose that the key is the intentions/thoughts or lack thereof behind all this.

I agree that it's not about how much is spent. My poorest friend is deadly poor, often goes without heating, etc, but is the most thoughtful person I know. The presents she gets me have never cost her much monetarily, but the two best presents I've ever received are from her.

So, against this school of thought, may I ask about the things that the grandmother sends as presents? Are they arbitrary "yes, I got you something for Christmas, see?" or are they thoughtfully matched against the child, and just happen to cost very little?

Stephb1986_2

I'm with Mrs AO the kids should be all treated the same whether you have £100 in the bank or £10, it's unfair to treat them differently.

I sort of have this problem with my partners family in the sense of at Christmas he spends lets say £50 on his mum £30 on her partner we get if we are lucky £10 each they have two wages coming into the house where as my partner only has the one for now. It's lucky if his mum speaks to him once every 2-3 months, she talks to his sister every day helps her out with bills etc etc when his sister also has two wages coming into her house but she has 3 kids. My OH has his own house but his dad lives with him and doesn't help at all with the bills.

I see that my partners parents treat him differently to his sister. It was agreed among the family about 3 years ago that only the kids will be bought for (the younger ones) and us older ones don't get anything but we still have to get "the family" presents IE nan,aunt etc

With me it's either we buy for each other or we don't if you don't buy for me I don't buy for you simple. I treat people how they treat me and that's fair.

I don't get how family's can not treat everyone the same. That way there's no !!!!!ing and no fighting about who got what and who didn't get what.

But Mrs AO is right!

Sorry for the long post!

Steph

Curlywurli

I think Mrs AO is right but quite honestly we're in a situation where our children get ignored and don't know what to do about it. My husband has always just got on with things and we don't live around the corner from his parents. We had a lot of contact while the children were really young but now they're growing up and another grandchild has come along and now that's it for our kids. At the end of the day the grandparents will lose out. The kids used to ask about them every day and they've pretty much forgotten all about them now.
My sisters and I were ignored by our grandparents too (don't think they got on with my mum). It just became normal that we never saw them etc, etc. My nan's still alive but I hardly have a relationship with her. My mum was always cross about the difference in the way we were treated but actually she also favours my sister's children. She doesn't show it in monetary value but silly ways which annoy me! Sadly it seems to happen a lot.

Edited to add: It's also quite annoying that people think it's okay to treat people differently because they earn less. We are penalised because we worked our backsides off and still do and they have chosen (through their own making in our case) to lead a completely different life. I understand that this isn't always the case but why should my husband and children lose out because of this?

londonsurrey

Is it a coincidence that the little AOs are less favoured?

Was Mr AO less favoured, so just got on with things, while his more favoured SIBLINGS and expected more to be done for them, and so worked less hard? Or was Mr AO just more lucky economically and with life?
.
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Alias_Omega

londonsurrey wrote: »

Is it a coincidence that the little AOs are less favoured?

Was Mr AO less favoured, so just got on with things, while his more favoured and expected more to be done for them, and so worked less hard? Or was Mr AO just more lucky economically and with life?

Hard work.

I could bore you with the tale of having 2/3 jobs at the age of 17/18 onwards, but i think you get the idea.

Fail to prepare, Prepare to fail..

Alias_Omega

Acc72 wrote: »

But we do not know anything about the grandmothers financial situation (although the inference is that she is not particularly well off).

It could be that she had £10 in her purse which was just enough to buy 5 bags of chips and 5 drinks.

The cafe we went too, i looked at the prices and went "Ouch..". Even a visit to McDonalds would have been true MSE style.