Wanted a girl, devastated it's a boy...

quintwins

When i was pregnant first time i really didn't care (i got twin boys) but second time i did really wnat a girl, i had enough common sense to know that if i found out i would be dissappointed so i didn't, i had a boy and my instincts were right it's hard to be annoyed when your holding a lovely baby boy. I can understand her sadness but she really does need told to wise up as the way she's carrying on will make her and her baby ill.

If she keeps dwelling on this and taking into account pregnancy is already a very emotional and stressful time she could end up with pnd, it could be she already has depressing and this is just making it more noticeable.

amus

I completely understand why some people would feel angry about the reactions of this woman and looking at it from a logical perspective of course it's selfish and ungrateful.

Unfortunately human emotions aren't always logical. When i found out i was having my second boy i admit to feeling disappointed, i even cried afterwards once or twice and was upset thinking 'it' was the wrong sex. Of course it was utterly selfish, i was purely thinking about my own 'needs' for a partner to go shopping with or go watch girlie films at the pictures like i do with my mum. I was worried i would not love him as much as ds1.

How wrong could i have been. As soon as i looked at my baby boy (after getting over the shock of what happened as he was coming out!) I felt nothing but the same love i felt for my first, and could not believe i had even doubted that i would.

I'm hoping soon to be trying for baby number 3 and having ds2 just made me realise how unimportant the sex of a child is.

aliasojo

amus wrote: »

I completely understand why some people would feel angry about the reactions of this woman.......

I can't. Not at all.

It's a serious character flaw to automatically make that jump to attack without even trying to see the bigger picture and understand if there is anything 'wrong' or not that may cause a person to feel as they do.

Yet again MSE brings out the nasty side of some.

I despair every time I see a ' I felt this so you should feel it too' or a ' I hate what you're doing so I'm going to tell you you're an evil despicable cow' type of post.

Saturnalia

When parents-to-be have a very strong preference for one sex of baby over the other, do they mean purely biological sex or are they wanting a child that conforms to gender roles?

In that case, how would they react to a girl who wanted to wear jeans, make mud pies and play with Lego? Would they be able to accept her as she came?

On the other hand, they might get a little boy who loves his mum and enjoys "girl" things. Would they struggle with that because he has the wrong "bits"?

I agree with many of the others that OP's sister's state of mind doesn't sound healthy and there's nothing to be lost by getting her to a doctor if she is willing to go.

minimacka

As a mother of two perfectly healthy boys all I can say it that I am astounded that a mother would act like this, it makes me deeply sad.

Person_one

jellyhead wrote: »

I don't know. I ovulate immediately after my period, so I think it's probably down to me ... it means I'm unlikely to have a girl, I think?

Sex is always determined by the sperm.

Women only have X chromosomes, so that's automatically what we contribute to the embryo. Sperm can have either an X or a Y as men have both. Its a 50/50 chance.

sassyblue

poet123 wrote: »

I feel your pain, but I don't think it is helpful or fair to equate your own situation with hers. ... We should all look to our blessings, those who don't have their health may say to be without a child is nothing compared with that etc etc. It is not as clear cut or simple.

But isn't that what we all do? How many times have we told ourselves 'it could be worse'....

This woman is having a healthy baby by the sounds of it and she should be grateful for it. That she isn't is worrying, if l were OP l'd tell her if she doesn't feel any better about it in a weeks time l'll be ringing the health visitor for advice for her because, yes it can be ante natal depression.

Mojisola

sulkisu wrote: »

To say that she is devastated is an understatement.

When she returned from her 20 week scan, I thought that something was wrong with the baby as she was crying so much. That was five weeks ago and she is still crying almost non-stop. She has no real interest in the pregnancy anymore, refers to the baby as 'it' or 'this thing' and I'm not sure what to do/say to help her. I have tried to get her to speak to her doctor but she won't. Her husband thinks that she will be fine once the baby is here, but I'm not so sure.

jellyhead wrote: »

It sounds as if OP's SIL is ill, and that's no more her fault than getting PND would be.

This is so far off the scale from "disappointment" that she really needs help. If she won't talk to a doctor, you or her husband needs to explain to someone what's happening. Medical staff - GP, practice nurse, midwife - won't discuss her with you but they should listen to information you can give them and act on it.

Apart from anything else, this must be affecting their first child.

amus

aliasojo wrote: »

I can't. Not at all.

It's a serious character flaw to automatically make that jump to attack without even trying to see the bigger picture and understand if there is anything 'wrong' or not that may cause a person to feel as they do.

Yet again MSE brings out the nasty side of some.

I despair every time I see a ' I felt this so you should feel it too' or a ' I hate what you're doing so I'm going to tell you you're an evil despicable cow' type of post.

Actually, yes, you're right.

Some people seem to think they are above the whole 'selfish wants and needs' thing but if this is the case IMO they are in complete denial or are lying to themselves.

It is human nature to strive for more than what they have got, and if people had not we would have never moved forward.

Every single person will for the most part, act for their own self interest.

People on here are saying she is lucky and should be grateful for what she has, yes she should, but by the same token people saying that should feel the same.

At the end of the day there are some people in the world who just want and need food and water and shelter, every single 'want' above that could be deemed selfish. Its all about perspective.

jellyhead

Person_one wrote: »

Sex is always determined by the sperm.

Women only have X chromosomes, so that's automatically what we contribute to the embryo. Sperm can have either an X or a Y as men have both. Its a 50/50 chance.

I meant the 'Shettles' method of trying for a particular sex. If it's true that male sperm swim faster and female sperm last longer then in my case it's most likely that the male sperm will get there first.

If I ovulated in the middle of my cycle like most people then abstaining from sex for a few days before ovulation would mean that the male sperm would have died off and the female ones would still be hanging around.

I've read about it a few times on this forum but haven't looked into it, so it could just be an old wives tale for all I know.