Wanted a girl, devastated it's a boy...

Janepig

I can (almost) see where the OP's SIL is coming from - I was "lucky" (imo) in that I had a girl first, and then after that I didn't care what baby number two was, boy or girl I'd have been happy (it was a boy) - however, I know if I'd had a boy first I'd have been really really wishing for a girl second time around. Although not to extremes, whatever you would like in terms of gender is, imo, over-riden by the wish for a healthy baby of either sex.

I also agree with the posters who have mentioned about the need (or lack of) for scans to tell the parents the sex of the baby at 20 weeks. I've never understood the need for it (unless there's a clear medical need), I won't deny it wasn't tempting, but for me the only good thing about the births of my children (apart from the baby at the end of it) was DH announcing what they were. I also found that when someone asked me if I knew what I was having, apart from wanting to snap back "yes, a baby", if I said I didn't know, nobody believed me anyway!

I've also never been able to understand women who "know" what they're having without having been told via a scan. "Oh I KNOW I'm having a boy", etc... Eh? How do you know, surely it's 50/50, you can't possibly know. It's like when people say they know you're going to have a boy/girl. How? How do you know? What's that all about!?

Jx

Gillyx

When I first got pregnant, in my heart I wanted a girl, but I just had a feeling I was having a boy, even before my 20 week scan I had bought a few girly bits, I think I was holding on to a hope At my 20 week scan I was told there was increased fluid around his brain, and there was a chance of Chromosomal abnormalities, and at that moment it all shifted for me, it was my little boy in there, and all I was wishing for was that they would tell me he was healthy and my pregnancy was going to be fine.

But OP I would say your SIL needs medical help, it's not good for anyone for her to be feeling like this, and regardless of whether people think it's selfish or whatever else, it doesn't seem like she is able to "snap out of it" I hope she gets the help she needs before the baby arrives xx

System

I've also never been able to understand women who "know" what they're having without having been told via a scan. "Oh I KNOW I'm having a boy", etc... Eh? How do you know, surely it's 50/50, you can't possibly know. It's like when people say they know you're going to have a boy/girl. How? How do you know? What's that all about!?

Quite simply i have given birth 6 times. The three girls i craved sweet things, the three boys i craved savoury things.

The girls i carried all up front. You couldnt tell i was pregnant from behind it just looked as though i'd got a football stuffed up my maternity dress.

The boys i looked like a barrel. My bump wasnt so much at the front but carried it all round.

Come to have my last baby who is now nearly 17 they didnt tell you what sex of the baby you was having when they gave you a scan but i knew he was a boy. I was so sure he was a boy i bought a mass of blue clothes for him when he was born.

laurel7172

I don't think the way some people talk about the "perfect" boy/girl duo is very helpful, tbh. I have one of each, and on the birth of the second I was rather bemused by the number of people who told me how clever I was. Er...yes...because people have two the same because they're stupid? I'm surprised those of you with four the same sex can type . I didn't get it then, and I don't get it now, but if there's as much (bizarre) praise as there seems to be for a "perfect" pair, then presumably there's also room for disappointment and a sense of failure for some who don't live up to this imaginary ideal?

(I'm definitely in the any child wanted camp myself)

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

pawsies wrote: »

Why does nobody want boys? It seems to be a theme in this thread

It baffles me. My mother was horrified that I, like my sister, failed to produce any boys. She only wanted boys in the family (having made the mistake of child 1 and 5 being girls herself).

But I don't understand why any one gender is preferable above another at all. Girls aren't automatically sweet little dollies for dressing up in frills and lace, they're children just like boys are, noisy and smelly and naughty and cheeky



I would have been happy whatever I had, and would have dearly loved to have had more, whatever flavour they had been.

poet123

sexki11en wrote: »

I am SO angry reading this. She needs to grow the f*** up! She HAS the perfect family whether she realises it or not. What a selfish, spolit brat she must be - I pity your brother and I pity the child.

I (and many others like me) would give my right arm for a baby, any baby. I've tried for 3 years, 2 rounds of IVF and was lucky enough to fall pregnant this time last year but sadly lost the baby. I was devastated - SHE has nothing to be "devastated" about!

I feel your pain, but I don't think it is helpful or fair to equate your own situation with hers. We are all different, if you extrapolate your point of view no one would have an abortion, or put their baby up for adoption. We should all look to our blessings, those who don't have their health may say to be without a child is nothing compared with that etc etc. It is not as clear cut or simple.

kelloggs36

sulkisu wrote: »

I am struggling to find ways to help my SIL, who has just found out that her second baby is another boy. To say that she is devastated is an understatement. She always wanted the 'perfect' family, two children, one boy and one girl. She had her son two years ago and just assumed that it would all go according to plan and her second child would be a girl. It isn't and she is very upset.

TBH I am finding it hard to sympathise. I spent many years dealing with the pain and heartache of infertility after suffering two bouts of cancer in my 20's. By some miracle, I conceived naturally at the age of 44, had a healthy baby boy and (having conceived naturally again at the age of 45) I am now expecting twins. Therefore I am firmly in the 'as long as it's healthy' camp. My raging pregnancy hormones probably aren't helping.

I can understandsome disappointment of course, but she is almost grieving. When she returned from her 20 week scan, I thought that something was wrong with the baby as she was crying so much. That was five weeks ago and she is still crying almost non-stop. She has no real interest in the pregnancy anymore, refers to the baby as 'it' or 'this thing' and I'm not sure what to do/say to help her. I have tried to get her to speak to her doctor but she won't. Her husband thinks that she will be fine once the baby is here, but I'm not so sure.

I just wondered if anyone else has felt this way when they discovered the sex of their baby, and if so, what (if anything) helped them to get over it.

I felt like this when I found out I was having a boy as I only wanted girls. Even though I knew that I was blessed to be given a healthy baby, until he was born I didn't want him!! However, as soon as I gave birth, that was it - I fell in love and 9 years later I still love him as much as ever. It was fear of the unknown - the only experience I had of boys was boisterous ones who climbed everywhere and were little terrors, but mine just isn't like that. He is adorable.

It is most likely to be hormones - she will be fine once he is born I would bet my life on it.

jellyhead

pawsies wrote: »

Why does nobody want boys? It seems to be a theme in this thread

I do! We discussed having a third child recently, but although I laughed when my boys asked if there was any way to make sure it was a boy, secretly I felt the same way. We decided not to anyhow.

meritaten

my third and last pregancy I was convinced I was having a girl. then in the last week I dreamed I had a boy. I was really upset! then I did have a boy! I was so disappointed I wouldnt hold him and told the nurse to give him to OH. she did, then after letting OH cuddle him for a few minutes she said to me ' Heres your son - he is beautiful and he is what you were meant to have'! and thrust him at me! I didnt melt then - but I did take an interest.......yes he was a nice looking baby, but I was more interested in gettin a cup of tea! Frankly it took a couple of days - but as I breastfed and interacted with him - I did fall in love.
I can understand wanting one sex and being disappointed - but not to this extent that the OP says - you get what you are given, if you are disappointed then get over it or get the child adopted! no child should be brought up by a parent who wont forgive them for being the 'wrong' sex.

Spendless

I really wasn't bothered about having a girl. I'd lost a boy in pregnancy before having my son and I knew loads of people who'd had 3 boys and barely anyone who'd had 2 boys then a girl, so I convinced myself I was having another boy. In addition both myself and Mr S have younger sisters who continue[STRIKE]d[/STRIKE] to be pains well into adulthood.;) So I really wasn't bothered about inflicting the experience on my son.:p In the 1st 2 pregnancies I'd had an overwhelming feeling I was having boys, this time the feeling wasn't there. Still, I thought nothing of it, just thought the pregnancy was different this time. I bought blue clothes. I didn't find out the sex as I like the excitement of people asking what you've had and Mr S refused to keep it secret between us.

I had my child via c-section under GA and had asked hubby to be the one to tell me the sex, when I came round and saw hubby I had the words formed in my mouth to say 'I told you so' , these words shortly became 'I was wrong then' as I was told we had a daughter and I looked at her and was thrilled to bits and loved her from that second.

I therefore think it's possible that s-i-l will be ok once baby is born.