Wanted a girl, devastated it's a boy...

barbiedoll

Agree with Mojisola, this is not gender "disappointment", it sounds as though it is a mental health issue. This woman doesn't sound as though she is disappointed, she sounds devastated and no matter how "spoilt" she may be or how much she wants the "perfect family", her reaction is not normal.

OP, you need to ensure that SIL gets some medical attention and fast. Women can, and do harm themselves and even commit suicide whilst suffering from depression whilst pregnant or in the post-natal period, and if she's calling her unborn baby "it" and is crying constantly, she is clearly unwell.

Try not to let her get to you, I understand why you don't feel sympathetic towards her but no-one expects you to, you're not a mental health expert and it can be very difficult to understand this sort of behaviour if you've never seen it or experienced it before. Her husband (your brother?) may well need some support though, not to mention her elder child. Don't feel as though you are responsible for getting her through this, but do offer practical help if you can.

amus

jellyhead wrote: »

I meant the 'Shettles' method of trying for a particular sex. If it's true that male sperm swim faster and female sperm last longer then in my case it's most likely that the male sperm will get there first.

If I ovulated in the middle of my cycle like most people then abstaining from sex for a few days before ovulation would mean that the male sperm would have died off and the female ones would still be hanging around.

I've read about it a few times on this forum but haven't looked into it, so it could just be an old wives tale for all I know.

I dont think there is any solid scientific proof that it works, differences in weight between male and female sperm have been found to be negligible.

I ovulate at the later end of my cycle and have two boys (have had 2 m/cs though so would have been interesting to have known the sex of those that were lost).

The way I think of it with conception is its like a heads or tails coin toss. With each pregnancy being pretty much 50/50 chance of either sex, and with so many people reproducing throughout the world, there will inevitably be a percentage of people who will conceive either 10 boys or 10 girls in a row, as a result of nothing but chance.

claire21

I have 3 kids, 2 boys then a girl. When I had her people would say "i bet you were so pleased you had a girl". I would reply that I had never really thought about, i just wanted a third child.

Saturnalia

barbiedoll wrote: »

Agree with Mojisola, this is not gender "disappointment", it sounds as though it is a mental health issue. This woman doesn't sound as though she is disappointed, she sounds devastated and no matter how "spoilt" she may be or how much she wants the "perfect family", her reaction is not normal.

OP, you need to ensure that SIL gets some medical attention and fast. Women can, and do harm themselves and even commit suicide whilst suffering from depression whilst pregnant or in the post-natal period, and if she's calling her unborn baby "it" and is crying constantly, she is clearly unwell.

Try not to let her get to you, I understand why you don't feel sympathetic towards her but no-one expects you to, you're not a mental health expert and it can be very difficult to understand this sort of behaviour if you've never seen it or experienced it before. Her husband (your brother?) may well need some support though, not to mention her elder child. Don't feel as though you are responsible for getting her through this, but do offer practical help if you can.

This. Crying non-stop for five weeks sounds like some kind of mental health crisis. Possibly isn't even really *about* the sex of the baby but that slight disappointment has triggered what was already there, if that makes any sense.

(I'm not a mental health expert though, she could do with seeing someone who is.)

FattyBettyBoo

My sister is 34 weeks pregnant and has the sex of her baby written on a piece of paper in a sealed envelope because she only wants to know the sex if its a girl.

She really really wants a girl and thins it will be easier to 'cope' if its a boy if she finds out when he is born. She says that if it's a girl she'd wish that she'd have known all along.

I find it all very strange personally. I found out my DD was a girl at the 20 week scan and would have been delighted with either!

amus

FattyBettyBoo wrote: »

My sister is 34 weeks pregnant and has the sex of her baby written on a piece of paper in a sealed envelope because she only wants to know the sex if its a girl.

She really really wants a girl and thins it will be easier to 'cope' if its a boy if she finds out when he is born. She says that if it's a girl she'd wish that she'd have known all along.

I find it all very strange personally. I found out my DD was a girl at the 20 week scan and would have been delighted with either!

Im confused. How would she know if its a girl without looking, or if she gets somebody else to look and they dont show it to her then she would know it was a boy? The only other option is not to know until the baby is born in which case why is it written in a sealed envelope if she's not going to find out until then?

barbiedoll

It's a very emotive subject to some people. I only found out my baby's gender at the scan because I asked the sonographer if she could tell the sex, I didn't realise that she was allowed to tell me!
I was happy either way, although a boy was a bit of a (lovely) shock, there are mostly girls in my family.

I've personally always found it odd that parents say that they want the gender of their baby to be a surprise. Odds of 1/2 don't really have that "surprise" element in my opinion. Boy or girl, there's not really that much choice, is there?

My husband has always got the gender of babies before they are born. Of the 12 babies born to us and our friends and family in the last 15 years, he has correctly guessed every one!

*Louise*

sulkisu wrote: »

I just wondered if anyone else has felt this way when they discovered the sex of their baby, and if so, what (if anything) helped them to get over it.

Truthfully...I cried a little when I found out at the 20 week scan DS2 wasn't a girl. But that was mainly because my previous baby was a girl but she was still-born I got over it pretty fast though, once it sank in, and he was the most contented happy baby, I couldn't have imagined him not being here and I felt awful for that short time when I was disappointed.

He is 7 now and the biggest 'Mummy's boy' in the world :rotfl:

OP I agree with others that your SIL's reaction is extreme and it does sound like she needs some medical advice.

lilymay1

*Louise* wrote: »

Truthfully...I cried a little when I found out at the 20 week scan DS2 wasn't a girl. But that was mainly because my previous baby was a girl but she was still-born I got over it pretty fast though, once it sank in, and he was the most contented happy baby, I couldn't have imagined him not being here and I felt awful for that short time when I was disappointed.

He is 7 now and the biggest 'Mummy's boy' in the world :rotfl:

OP I agree with others that your SIL's reaction is extreme and it does sound like she needs some medical advice.

Wow. I could have written that. I lost my daughter at 3 days old and when I found out baby #2 (who was conceived very soon after) wasn't a girl I felt robbed all over again. I did cry, for about 10 minutes, but that was it.

The OP's SIL is obviously having some major issues and needs help. Nobody normal would be so distressed that their unborn baby was the 'wrong' sex.

Best of luck to you, OP, and to your SIL.

barbarawright

Saturnalia wrote: »

When parents-to-be have a very strong preference for one sex of baby over the other, do they mean purely biological sex or are they wanting a child that conforms to gender roles?

In that case, how would they react to a girl who wanted to wear jeans, make mud pies and play with Lego? Would they be able to accept her as she came?

On the other hand, they might get a little boy who loves his mum and enjoys "girl" things. Would they struggle with that because he has the wrong "bits"?

I agree with many of the others that OP's sister's state of mind doesn't sound healthy and there's nothing to be lost by getting her to a doctor if she is willing to go.

I have three elder brothers so my mother was probably quite pleased to get a daughter. Unfortunately for her she got a tomboy who stayed a tomboy - I've never worn make-up, hate shopping and haven't worn a dress since 1978 :rotfl: