Wanted a girl, devastated it's a boy...

MissKeith

Pregnancy hormones can be scary things. I'm not going to judge her so harshly right now because being 30 weeks pregnant myself, I know every molehill can seem like a mountain. I would definitely suggest counselling for her, she'll more than likely be fine when that little lad is in her arms but for now, she's going to need emotional support. My biggest issue during pregnancy has been the feeling of being completely out of control, perhaps she feels the same as her hopes of "the perfect family" haven't com to fruition and she's not than likely feeling with the guilt of feeling disappointed?

sulkisu

Believe me when I say that I have said all of the above, and a lot more besides. Mainly because I was so angry, especially after everything that I went through. But that didnt work and so I tried sympathising, I have tried reasoning, but that's not working either.

fluffnutter

Gender disappointment is very real and no doubt those who experience it are fully aware of how selfish they appear. They can't help those feelings. I know someone on here who felt very upset when they found out at their 20 week scan that they weren't having the sex they 'wanted'. They're not in the least selfish - it's just an emotion you can't help.

I didn't find out at my scan what sex my baby was but I can guarantee that if I had have done, I, too, would have felt gutted. Throughout my pregnancy I thought I wanted a girl; when my gorgeous, perfect child popped out, turns out he was a boy.

Now I can't imagine not having a boy and I'm amazed I ever wanted a girl. You don't get what you want - you want what you get.

She'll be fine once her baby's born. Tell her to google 'gender disappointment'. Hopefully she'll find some support and feel more able to put things in perspective.

ziggy2004

If it is having such an impact she needs to see someone. I can freely admit to feeling a twinge of disappointment when I found out my second was a boy, it was however gone before I got off the bed. Had I gone to a baby shop I would have picked three girls. But now I would not change any of my children ( not even the unhealthy ones ) and I am glad that we cannot choose our babies but just get what we are given .

fluffnutter

sulkisu wrote: »

Believe me when I say that I have said all of the above, and a lot more besides. Mainly because I was so angry. But that didnt work and so I tried sympathising, I have tried reasoning, but that's not working either.

Time to try just ignoring her. She'll get over it in time and, TBH, there's little you can say to make her feel better. She just needs to meet her baby and fall in love with him.

TeamLowe

every child is a miracle, no doubt about that and i really really can't understand anyone preferring one gender over another to the point of being disappointed but that's just my opinion

however, something doesn't sound right with your SIL, OP. five weeks of 'almost non-stop' crying over anything is a lot of crying and for something like this seems really over the top. Personally i'd be really concerned about her mental health, both now and when the baby arrives. is Natal Depression a thing?

valeriej43

Sometimes i think it would be better if we couldnt find out beforehand the sex of babies, i hope the unborn baby doesnt pick up on her misery,
I can understand her being disappointed, but most people then just accept its not what they hoped for but would still be loved
I had 2 boys first,then a little girl, but i would have loved a 3rd boy just as much, they didnt let you know the baby,s sex in those days,like now
I am sorry, but i too feel this lady isnt used to not getting what she wants

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

This is exactly why I think finding out the sex shouldn't be done prior to birth, as now she can wind herself up, convince herself that the baby is now an 'it', a parasite in her body where the final piece of the set was supposed to be.


There's a good chance that when she finally holds him for the first time, she'll fall in love - but there are people who have real problems bonding as a result of this - so she needs to seek help sooner, to make it less likely she will damage that poor kid for the rest of his life for daring to not be the version she wanted to complete the set.


And if, heaven forbid, something happens to that baby in the next ten weeks, she could feel absolutely awful because of not wanting him, guilt on top of normal grief. So it's best to say very little on the subject other than suggest she talks to her GP/midwife now.


And bite your tongue - I'd be trying really hard to not let rip at her, so I know it's a very emotive subject. I would be halfway tempted to tear her to shreds by suggesting if she's really that bothered, why doesn't she go abroad and try to get an abortion and stop whining about it - but I wouldn't in reality. Partly because she might decide it's a good idea after all, when the intent behind it would have been to shock her into realising how stupid and ungrateful she is being. And partly because I wouldn't be that cruel to someone, no matter how much they deserved it.


You have my sympathies dealing with her.

janninew

fluffnutter wrote: »

Gender disappointment is very real and no doubt those who experience it are fully aware of how selfish they appear. They can't help those feelings. I know someone on here who felt very upset when they found out at their 20 week scan that they weren't having the sex they 'wanted'. They're not in the least selfish - it's just an emotion you can't help.

I didn't find out at my scan what sex my baby was but I can guarantee that if I had have done, I, too, would have felt gutted. Throughout my pregnancy I thought I wanted a girl; when my gorgeous, perfect child popped out, turns out he was a boy.

Now I can't imagine not having a boy and I'm amazed I ever wanted a girl. You don't get what you want - you want what you get.

She'll be fine once her baby's born. Tell her to google 'gender disappointment'. Hopefully she'll find some support and feel more able to put things in perspective.

I must admit I also had this poster in mind when I read this thread and can say the same as you about them not being selfish.

I also didn't find out the gender of my baby and I can honestly say I had no inkling what I was having. I would sit and daydream about a little girl one day and then a little boy the next day!

Having read a few articles on the internet it does seem more common that women suffer 'gender disappointment' when they discover they are having boys when in fact they wanted a girl.

*zippy*

There was an article in the mail a few days ago about pre-natal depression

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2212525/PRENATAL-depression-It-strikes-pregnant-women-driving-abortions-suicide.html