Feeling broken and no where near debt free. This is just the start.

bexiboo92

Sambucus_Nigra wrote: »

Do you really think that one day he is just going to go 'ping' and lo and behold - he becomes a new man?

You are so young. Get out now. Before you look back and you are 10 years older and in much much deeper.

I hoped he'd care enough to change a few things.

bexiboo92

Really starting to struggle with everything.

Have debt collections calling work and one contacting my mum and dad's address; don't need either of them knowing the c*ap.

OH is just plodding along in his own little oblivious world.

Struggling to be happy for other people when i feel so stupidly miserable.

justajamjar

bexibo - you are in charge of your own destiny and I have no idea who you are, but from what you have written your relationship needs a massive change, whether that you two sitting down and getting each others frustrations down on paper and working out compromises (two sides to every story etc) or you packing your stuff and moving home. Make him hold his promise of its over if you go home, because you need to sort it out or bin it.

Relationships are really hard work but even harder if the communication is not in shape.....

On the finances, try save some cash but that sounds a backseat to your relationship pain....

Good luck

Sambucus_Nigra

bexiboo92 wrote: »

I hoped he'd care enough to change a few things.

He doesn't.

So make a decision based on that information.

ZTD

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Really starting to struggle with everything.

:grouphug:

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Have debt collections calling work and one contacting my mum and dad's address; don't need either of them knowing the c*ap.

Your parents probably already know unless you have a fantastic poker face.

bexiboo92 wrote: »

OH is just plodding along in his own little oblivious world.

As they do.

When being carried by another.

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Struggling to be happy for other people when i feel so stupidly miserable.

Try being happy for yourself - other people can wait.

Heffi1

ZTD wrote: »

Eventually you will be broken, empty and of no further use to him.

You're discarded, then comes the next one.

Wow this one hit home for me!

Unfortunately for him though he met her and it turns out she is a bigger and better person, stands up to him and does not let him get away with sulking, ha ha it serves him right and now I sit back and smile knowing he cannot do it any more!!

I was told I was fat ugly and stupid for long enough I believed him, and I am not a weak person, it was the constant chipping away that got to me, that when it all blew up I actually thought I had lost something by kicking him out, not realising then that I had gained so much. The one thing that I did truly grieve at though was my daughter saying to me 'mum you should have left him 5 years ago' and I cried because I had only stayed because of the kids...

Get out if it is not working, don't be like me and have regrets for not being strong enough to take the decision I knew I had to make.

HeadAboveWater

Heffi1 wrote: »

Wow this one hit home for me!

Unfortunately for him though he met her and it turns out she is a bigger and better person, stands up to him and does not let him get away with sulking, ha ha it serves him right and now I sit back and smile knowing he cannot do it any more!!

I was told I was fat ugly and stupid for long enough I believed him, and I am not a weak person, it was the constant chipping away that got to me, that when it all blew up I actually thought I had lost something by kicking him out, not realising then that I had gained so much. The one thing that I did truly grieve at though was my daughter saying to me 'mum you should have left him 5 years ago' and I cried because I had only stayed because of the kids...

Get out if it is not working, don't be like me and have regrets for not being strong enough to take the decision I knew I had to make.

*hug* for you too Heffi1. Good for you for taking control

I think there's a lot of people who can admit to hanging around with their partner for longer than they should have, myself included. Hindsight is a wonderful thing, huh!?
Sometimes when you're with someone it's like you're stuck inside a box with them. You can't see past the walls. You can't see a light. You can't see yourself without them. You can't see yourself being any happier. You can't see the future.

But just like my signature - break down the walls or open the lid yourself! Nobody else can do it for you!

bexiboo92

Is something worth fighting for if you don't see forever?
I often wonder how you're supposed to see forever with someone at the age of 20, you barely know yourself as a person let alone planning the rest of your life with someone.

Things are better with the OH, but something my mum said to me the other day got to me. She asked if I saw forever, if I saw marriage and kids. My honest answer was no.
But to be fair, the idea of thinking about forever with someone at this age terrifies me.

ZTD

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Is something worth fighting for if you don't see forever?

Yes, provided it is better than the alternative. That's without the fear of change tagging a ride.

bexiboo92 wrote: »

I often wonder how you're supposed to see forever with someone at the age of 20, you barely know yourself as a person let alone planning the rest of your life with someone.

Because your model of "forever" is a lot shorter when you're young. When you were six, "forever" was when you would get to go into the junior school.

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Things are better with the OH,

Let's drop the "better". Are things "good"?

bexiboo92 wrote: »

but something my mum said to me the other day got to me. She asked if I saw forever, if I saw marriage and kids. My honest answer was no.

There can be no other answer than the honest one.

bexiboo92 wrote: »

But to be fair, the idea of thinking about forever with someone at this age terrifies me.

Why? "Forever" is what happens when you don't die. You're surely not expecting that very soon?

bexiboo92

mmmmmmmmm.