Feeling broken and no where near debt free. This is just the start.

bexiboo92

How can one person make someone else feel so c*ap so often.

Heffi1

It becomes a habit that is very hard to break.

If I don't get what I want, I sulk, if that doesn't work then I sulk some more, eventually they will give in and give me what I want, therefore sulking works I just have to keep doing it until I get what I want. They might complain that I am being mean, but then I turn it around and say well if you had done that thing I wanted I would not have to be mean... ad infinitum

Believe me it works and you then change your behaviour to fit in with their moods, and do whatever it takes to not p*** them off

If any of this makes sense then you have to stop and think about what you want from life, if it doesn't then I hope things get better for you soon xx

bexiboo92

Heffi1 wrote: »

It becomes a habit that is very hard to break.

If I don't get what I want, I sulk, if that doesn't work then I sulk some more, eventually they will give in and give me what I want, therefore sulking works I just have to keep doing it until I get what I want. They might complain that I am being mean, but then I turn it around and say well if you had done that thing I wanted I would not have to be mean... ad infinitum

Believe me it works and you then change your behaviour to fit in with their moods, and do whatever it takes to not p*** them off

If any of this makes sense then you have to stop and think about what you want from life, if it doesn't then I hope things get better for you soon xx

Some of those things makes alarm bells ring.

But I won't not do things not to pee him off, if he wants an argument cos he thinks I'll give in, he can have an argument.

bexiboo92

I wonder what it's like to be peaking in on this situation from the outside. An opinion without emotion, feelings, confusion, commitments. We often say to others "if you're not happy, leave", "if you're not happy, change it" but is it really that simple?
What do you say? "I got bored of you and your c*ap"?
How do you walk away and make yourself emotion-less enough to do it.

ZTD

bexiboo92 wrote: »

I've been debating that option for a while.

He's basically said the relationship will end if I decide to move back to my parents.

So that's the pro - did he offer any cons?

bexiboo92 wrote: »

The sad thing is I can't figure out whether he realises he's doing it or not. I can't figure out whether he actually adores and loves me or whether this is just convenient.

He wouldn't do it if he loved and adored you. He'd want the best for you both - and often, just the best for you and not for him.

He realises what he's doing, it's just sheer manipulation of you and your emotions. It just looks like he's turned on the screws too early and you've realised what he's doing. He'll do it better for the next one. It's that "experience" thing. Eventually he'll become honed to the point where he'll find a girl who just won't know what hit her.

bexiboo92 wrote: »

I don't feel like I'm good enough.

It probably at this point that most people want to slap you around the head and tell you to stop being silly. Not a very sympathetic reaction I'll freely admit, but the most appropriate one.

You are far, far better than he ever deserves. The reason is that he has manipulated your emotions. He is saying: "I'm sad. It's your fault. Do things to make me happy or I will be sad all over you - and it'll be your fault."

The idea is that you will do ever more desperate things to "prove your worth", and he will continually do the "that almost proved you're worthy...but not quite - you have to do more". Eventually you will be broken, empty and of no further use to him.

You're discarded, then comes the next one.

bexiboo92

ZTD wrote: »

So that's the pro - did he offer any cons?



He wouldn't do it if he loved and adored you. He'd want the best for you both - and often, just the best for you and not for him.

He realises what he's doing, it's just sheer manipulation of you and your emotions. It just looks like he's turned on the screws too early and you've realised what he's doing. He'll do it better for the next one. It's that "experience" thing. Eventually he'll become honed to the point where he'll find a girl who just won't know what hit her.



It probably at this point that most people want to slap you around the head and tell you to stop being silly. Not a very sympathetic reaction I'll freely admit, but the most appropriate one.

You are far, far better than he ever deserves. The reason is that he has manipulated your emotions. He is saying: "I'm sad. It's your fault. Do things to make me happy or I will be sad all over you - and it'll be your fault."

The idea is that you will do ever more desperate things to "prove your worth", and he will continually do the "that almost proved you're worthy...but not quite - you have to do more". Eventually you will be broken, empty and of no further use to him.

You're discarded, then comes the next one.

Sounds fabulous.

ZTD

bexiboo92 wrote: »

I wonder what it's like to be peaking in on this situation from the outside. An opinion without emotion, feelings, confusion, commitments. We often say to others "if you're not happy, leave", "if you're not happy, change it" but is it really that simple?
What do you say? "I got bored of you and your c*ap"?
How do you walk away and make yourself emotion-less enough to do it.

I said: "Things are going to change or I'm gone. I will not put up with the contempt, I will not put up with the self-centredness, I will not put up with a relationship that is so badly unequal."

Either I wasn't believed, or the denial ran too deep. The result was the same, and I'm better for it.

It's not a case of being emotionless, it's a case of not being shitty to yourself, and saying that you're worth less than pandering to some other person's inadequacies.

ZTD

bexiboo92 wrote: »

Sounds fabulous.

Some people are like that unfortunately. Try to avoid them. However, they're not labelled so you have to use your judgement.

AND TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS!

bexiboo92

ZTD wrote: »

I said: "Things are going to change or I'm gone. I will not put up with the contempt, I will not put up with the self-centredness, I will not put up with a relationship that is so badly unequal."

Either I wasn't believed, or the denial ran too deep. The result was the same, and I'm better for it.

It's not a case of being emotionless, it's a case of not being shitty to yourself, and saying that you're worth less than pandering to some other person's inadequacies.

You've gotta have strength to do that.

bexiboo92

ZTD wrote: »

Some people are like that unfortunately. Try to avoid them. However, they're not labelled so you have to use your judgement.

AND TRUST YOUR INSTINCTS NO MATTER HOW HARD IT IS!

My instincts obviously fail