Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

sensiblesue

My Son lived at home until he was 26 & was always complaining about having to give me money, especially if he was away from home for any length of time. (I'm also a single parent & he gave me £25 per week out of a good wage) It wasn't till he left home that he realised just how many bills have to be paid BEFORE any food or *luxuries* could be bought. (I class *luxuries* as clothes & nights out)
I think you need to sit down with your Daughter & show her a list of essential outgoings that MUST be paid each week & explain how expensive it would be to live elsewhere.
I also agree with the person who said to charge her £30 & put £10 into savings without telling her. After all, she'd still have £80 per week at her disposal & to me, that's a lot of money!
Good luck & I hope she realises just how lucky she is!

nessie216

I was forced to move out when i was 18 - mum moved to spain but i stayed in UK - i spent £375 per month for my flat (all bills included) and i think it has done me the world of good
My brother - who works full time - only has to pay £100 per month but i don't think he has learnt any lessons - he struggles with finding money at the end of the month - something i don't think would have happened if he had been forced to move out and provide for himself

I would ask the daughter whether she can find a place to live with all the bills for £20 per week and when she sees that it is more expensive she should realise that she is getting a very good deal!

I think it is completely wrong for her to refuse to pay - in my opinion - she needs to be taught a lesson and quick before she starts to take advantage

mrlouisgilbert

I think this one is a really difficult one. My son lives at home too, we don't charge him rent/board, that's our choice even though we are on low income ourselves. I know that if we asked him he would help out with bills. I don't think anyone should feel bad about asking family to contribute and I'm a bit shocked by your daughters attitude to you, but threatening to kick her out (as some have suggested) is hard. At the end of the day I can't give a definitive answer, but don't feel bad about asking for £20.

RedRuby_2

Unpopular opinion here but considering the amounts in involved and that she is only 18, I don't think she should have to pay. Now if she voluntarily contributes that is great. But threatening to kick her out I think its a bit too harsh. Its supposed to be her home and considering how expensive things are in the real world once you bring money into the situation it changes things a bit.

newkitchenfund

The OP mentions a 'grant' of £60 per week - this implies that as a parent she/he is on a pretty low income as maintenance grants are means tested and do not have to be repaid (unlike loans). As a taxpayer myself, I don't pay your daughter's grant in order to give her £60 per week pocket money! I bet many working adults would be delighted to have even £60 per month, let alone per week, as fun spending money!
Perhaps a sensible amount would be the £60 minus a reasonable sum to allow for travel to uni and study materials. Then her part-time earnings over and above this are hers to spend as she likes.
She should definitely pay something though - she cannot consider herself educated if she does not understand the value of money!

dottydoglover

most definitely the amount her mother is asking for is nothing more than a token and she will not live anywhere else for any thing like that.She obviously considers her mother a soft touch to risk getting kicked out and mum needs to toughen up as an OAP I would love £60 pounds a week to spend as I please and I've paid my taxes etc and earned the right

rinabean

I'm going to assume that the daughter is not a selfish brat but that she has no idea how much the cost of living really is. Use this as an education opportunity: this is how much I spend on food, these are the things I can't often buy; this is how much the bills are; this is how much the home itself costs; this is how much a car costs. Surely she would be paying £20 a week for food if she moved out. In my 2 person flat at uni 5 years ago, it was £20 each a month on the electricity and water alone - and that was 5 years ago! If you teach her all this and she still refuses to pay, then yes, she's selfish.

Elphiegalinda

She should definitely pay!
I started uni last month and still live at home, breaking down my loan/grant into weekly payments I get about £120 (roughly the same as your daughters total weekly payments with her grant and job). I pay my mum £20 a week and she never even had to ask me for it.
Before I started uni I was on jobseekers allowance at just over £50 a week and still gave my mum £10 of that!

I use the electricity, the gas, the water, the TV, the food...all of which my mum pays for so how could I not give anything to her given that I receive a regular amount of money?!

Tell your daughter that £20 a week is a small price to pay and were she living in halls or renting somewhere she'd be paying a hell of a lot more. Living at home while at uni should be a way to keep costs down, not a way to get a free ride!

clairej89

Hi there

I appreciate how she is feeling, as I have been in the exact same situation!

I'm from a single-parent household, and as a result I got full grants and support when going to Uni. I had always had a part-time job, received EMA at school and was living at home.

My mum also lost her tax credits for me, and at the time was really struggling with a mortgage on her own. She asked me if I would equal the money she lost in tax credits, as they had essentially taken it from her and given it to me. I was really annoyed at the time, as I had big plans for the money!

However, I did do as she asked and still had a decent amount of money myself. For me, I only had to do this for the first year of Uni as we then moved house and mum had less pressure on her financially.

I think haggisneepsandtatties's idea is a good one actually (if affordable). For me, I have now moved out and am working, but my mum makes small contributions to my savings (£10 a month when she's able) which I do not ask for, but think is her way of saying thank you for helping out when times were tough. She is hardly flush at the minute (we earn about the same but she has a house and my sister to pay for!) but basically I think its the right think to do for your daughter.

I think it would help to outline to her all the things you do that help her out and don't cost her anything (eg food, washing, lifts etc).

Hope this helps!

Claire

shop-to-drop

£20 a week is not enough. In order to treat her like an adult you should set this to a realistic amount so that she really pays her way. A token amount like £20 is not really teaching her anything and is patronising. The grant she gets is precisely to cover these costs + travel costs + books. The money she earns on the side is plenty for personal spends.

I'm shocked at the posts saying she's an adult let her spend her money as she likes, crazy!

Maybe you have always sheltered her from the costs of living if so it's about time you taught her about this.

She is taking the mickey out of you and all of us tax payers while she is getting away with not paying her way.