Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

vimes04

I too am a single parent and lost a good portion of my tax credits when the eldest went to uni. She pays me £200 a month to live at home, have food, electricity, washing done and the general comforts associated with being at home. She still has a great deal, it's much cheaper than digs/student halls and she's free to come and go as she chooses. The best bit is SHE offered to pay that amount because she thought it was more than fair!
I admit I do buy her little luxurys out of it sometimes and sometimes pay for her petrol but it's all give and take in the end.
Your daughter is just pushing her luck and seeing if you'll stand your ground. Stand it! Tell her to either pay up or move out, going to uni is about growing up and she needs to learn to stand on her own to feet a bit more.
Good luck!?!:j

dave2

Her wage and grant is hers to spend. On things like paying digs.

Is this the taxpayer-funded grant? What does she think it is meant to be paying for? "Full-time students can apply for a Maintenance Grant to help with living costs" is what it says here. While we're looking at that link, notice how the amount of "her" grant scales with YOUR income.

£60+£50-£20= £90 per week after rent, food and bills is plenty money; a heck of a lot more than I had as a student (yes, allowing for inflation). I do not spend much more than that now and I am well into my career! I did come back to live at home for a bit after uni whilst looking for a job - I paid about £20/w digs from jobseeker's allowance, which left me with a hell of a lot less.

Where I work we regularly take on graduates. There is a very obvious maturity gap between those who lived at home and those who did not. This is exaggerated further for those who did not pay digs. Those who lived away have that sense that they are striking out on their own, are much more apt at taking the initiative and demonstrating responsibility.

Sorry but your 18 year old is demonstrating her childishness because she thinks she can "refuse" to pay her way. That's just not how life works as an adult and frankly if you do not make her contribute I think you'd be letting her down by encouraging her to believe that life is a free ride.

Imagine the shock when she does eventually move out and discovers she has to put a lot of effort into a job only for the vast majority of the money to go on living costs? It would likely take many years of career progression before she is earning enough that she has £110/w of discretionary spending, so she'll feel like she's doing it for nothing.

thisismyview

This is not an easy question to answer and will depend on everyone's different circumstances. You don't say if you need the money but the assumption is that you do, having lost tax credit, child benefit and as a single parent are likely to have a small income.

The university grant system assumes that you will continue to contribute to your daughters education and reduces grant accordingly every year. If you cannot make ends meet following your lost income then you have no choice but to charge your daughter something. Charge your daughter for the things you can't avoid like food, say £20 per week maximum. Clothes, books and going out would be down to her. Everything else I would forget it as largely you would have to pay it anyway. Forget about teaching the value of money as she will have too long a life to learn that harsh reality for herself.

She sounds a good girl, bright enough to go to university and have a part time job to. I hope the course she is on will lead directly to a job, paying for all the hard work required to obtain a degree and your contribution to it.

Turning to those parents who do have a choice to take money or not from their children whether in university or just started work. If you don't need the money then don't take anything from them and don't be too quick to see them gone. Your children will have a far worse life than you as a result of lack of continuous employment, pension costs and or pensions out of reach due to government pushing the qualifying age ever upwards, student loans to pay back, saving to get on the property ladder, government debit to pay back etc. The proviso of course is that your children take the one and only time in their life to save money for their future when their parents will not be able to help them or will not be around to do so. As far as children looking after parents in their old age forget it they will not be financially able to do so.

Best of luck kids you are going to need it.
:EasterBun:EasterBun:EasterBun:EasterBun:EasterBun

Barryfan

Your daughter should pay something towards her keep, and £20 would not seem an excessive amount to ask for. I would try the following:
Explain the realities of living costs i.e. how much it would cost to live in residential halls, show her the household bills you have to pay etc.
If she continues to refuse to pay anything then you should withdraw any "services" you provide, like buying her food, doing any washing or cleaning for her.
If she wants the whole £110 a week to spend on what she likes, then let her, but if she ever asks for a loan, you can then refuse with a clear conscience.

bogwart

Where else is she going to live for £20 a week? It's about time she learned that life costs. Who does she think paid for her to get as far as she has? Of course she should contribute. And maybe learn a little respect at the same time.

smashedsanny

Hey hugs to you, As a mum with 3 girls age 25 at uni 19 at Collage and 16 at collage, I know how your feeling, My eldest daughter is the only one with a job, becouse of my hubbies job(just out side the amount) the girls dont get Money as such for collage just expences,
I think your daughter should pay you something and do more things around the house, like peeling the spuds, washing the dishes doing her laundry, taking the litter out,
You want the best for your child but that dose not mean your her slave, sit her down and talk to her in a growen up manner, will she still mone yes will you still be picking up after her yes, but you have to be the boss, and I dont mean with an iron rod just point out look the bathroom needs cleaned as it was you that messed it up, she will only get away with what you let her get away with,
And the excuse I do it for a quiet life, is wrong as your not teaching her anything about living.
the bottom line if she is not happy with what ever you decide its your house she is 18 she knows where the door is
Good luck x

shop-to-drop

thisismyview wrote: »

The university grant system assumes that you will continue to contribute to your daughters education and reduces grant accordingly every year.

This is not true, the grant is reduced as they are not expecting the student to be paying private rent. They are however expecting them to be paying their share of bills and for food, laundry etc. That is why child benefit and tax credits are removed from the parent.

Allowing them to keep this money is not doing them any favours as at some point in their future they will need to start paying their way and will be used to having a huge amount of spare cash and will be unable to cope with budgeting and probably end up in serious debt.

Dunedinhen

the mum has lost her tax credit so is only asking for what she lost. if kids are not charged dig money how are they supposed to learn what it is like to survive without the cushion of their parents. I was charged dig money when i was at college and i didn't complain.

Percy1983

I do remember my early days, I was 16 and only getting £40 a week and £10 went to my mum, the money increased over the years as my income went up of course.

Funny thing is I never questioned it and we agreed each increase no problems.

Cheese_Thief

When I was at uni a few years ago I was lucky that my Mum and Dad were fairly well off. In practice this meant that I didn't qualify for a grant and was only offered the lowest student loan (about 2k a year). In order to pay for my costs of living and food etc I gave my parents my entire student loan. Any luxuries I wanted I funded myself from a part time job whilst studying for my law degree. I didn't get any hand outs from my parents and nor did I expect them.

As someone has already said before, the £60 a week grant isn't given by the government to spend on luxuries, it's to help her afford to live, buy books and study equipment. In comparison with lots of students she's in a great position.