Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

duchy

amberand wrote: »

I actually think you are selfish to be honest.

My parents couldn't afford to support me financially but whether I was at home just during the holidays or when I was studying from home my Mother never asked for rent until I started earning a proper wage.

I was still classed as a dependant, council tax wasn't affected and ok so there are bills to pay - work out really how much of that you would spend anyway.

You daughter won't get half as much financial support from the government as she is choosing to live at home - in my first year alone I had to pay 96p/w, £500 deposit and £200 retainer for bills - this then didn't cover the cost of food or school supplies and as important the social side of university.

I had to work through Uni to survive - and I'm still suffering 4 years into a professional job, I can't afford a mortgage or any of the other things I dreamed of whilst at Uni.

Support your child for a little longer and stop moaning - when it comes to it, she graduates and gets a job then ask for the money. Maybe you should have planned with your child a little bit better for their aspirations.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Interesting definition of selfish -Please tell me you are trolling !!!

boldasbrass

My parents divorced when my brother and I were aged 15 and 17 respectively. In the divorce settlement my Dad was granted the family home on the condition that he provided a home for my brother and I while we remained in full-time education. Within a year he was charging us rent (from our part-time/weekend jobs) and neither of us stayed for long. It has always felt a little unfair that we lost our stable base, and looking back we don't have a 'home' memory in the way that our friends seem to have. Just an observation - be careful what you wish for.

jazzali_2

I know a family with 2 children, one of whom didn't go to uni and started paying board as soon as he started earning. He soon moved out to broaden his horizons but never begrudged paying the money. His little sister - who was always treated as a princess - wasn't asked to pay board as a student living at home, and now she still lives at home, rent free, 7 years later. The son is a much happier, well-rounded person who deals with responsibility well, but he can't help feeling a bit hard done by.

Set a precedent and stick with it. The amount can just be a token to help cover costs if she can't afford or you don't want to charge more, but it's important for her maturity and personal development to start understanding living costs and budgeting.

Canny_Janny

The daughter's response did not materialise overnight, she has likely been given a good deal of priviledge up to now and really believes it is her right to keep the money as hers. How to undo a lifetime of expectation? It would be nice to think that reason would work and it's a fair place to start, but it may be too late for that at 18yrs old. These days 18 is adulthood, not childhood and responsibility goes with it. Learning independence is a valuable gift parents can give their children. Daughter should read the replies here, think about all the benefits she has been given to date, how she is the one hurting her relationship with her mother (not the other way around) and decide whether to be selfish or to grow up. Best thing mom can do is to wisely teach her daughter this lesson in a loving environment, or the day will come when the girl gets an awful shock out there in the real world, or mum resents daughter for taking home life for granted, or worse, the relationship breaks down altogether. Throwing her out is a last resort but may be a positive wake up call if all else fails.

howmuch??_2-2

I am approaching having to deal with just this situation with my 17 year old off to next year. I hope I've taken a reasonable approach by saying I will pay for her while she lives here but under the strict condition that it's only while I can afford it, then she will have to contribute.

She has a part time job and is saving up hard which is a long way from sitting on her bum doing nothing all day and I will be encouraging her to put the cash she does have towards maybe getting her own place one day - then I can go over and leave all the lights and heating on and leave my dishes in the sink!!

If you can't make ends meet then I would definitely get her to chip in, and £20 a week sounds reasonable, but if you can afford to have her there for free then my advice would be to make her save a little and live a lot - she's 18. Good luck!

tgroom57

Draw up a before and after list of the money situation.
#1 Before list showing your child benefit and the bills you have to pay.
#2 After list showing your loss of income and the bills you still have to pay
#3 Showing how you would like it to be.

She should buy her own food (all of it), and at least £5 of the money she gives you is for laundry.
I'm guessing her room is a lot bigger than the 10ft x 8'6" my own daughter has to make do with.

If she still refuses to pay your best move is to cut off her internet- easily done by restricting what devices are allowed on your router.

msph321

Lula_Pace wrote: »

I think the worst thing to do is to start playing these little mind games where you don't buy food for her or stop doing chores. That will quickly lead to anger and resentment and things like money shouldn't come between family in such a way.

She's still young and she has plenty of time to mature. In the mean time, just go easy and be respectful. She will learn to respect you back.

Agreed. Passive-aggressive behaviour is annoying, somewhat cowardly, and avoids conflict. Being honest, up-front, forthright, and consistent is best. Tell her that you'll charge £20.00/week and if she doesn't comply, explain the consequences & options, and be consistent in enforcing them.

Kids nowadays... :-|

andrew_weth

I'd let her not pay you £20 a week but tell her she need to buy her own food as I'm sure you probably spend more than that on feeding her?
See how she gets on for a couple of weeks and go from there, I'm sure she'll be willing to give you the £20 or it might encourage her to to do more hours at work.

vpeake

tabbycat2k wrote: »

If it just the two of you, you could show her all the bills and ask if she'd like to pay half? How much does she spend on her mobile phone. HOw much have you supported her financially up to now. If it's just you and your daughter, you will be paying full council tax, whereas if she wasn't there, you'd get 25% off. I was lucky. Years ago, when I still lived at home, the deal was I paid 20% of my take home pay - when I got a rise, my parents got a rise. I felt like I was paying my way - found out later of course how much it REALLY costs!!!!!. I think that needs to be part of the conversation - she isn't really being very fair to you.... which is why some people here are a bit upset on your behalf. It is, I believe, a parent's job to teach the realities of life including amongst others finance and the importance of treating others fairly. Oh and it IS her home, but it's your house!!! Good luck.

The daughter will not have to pay council tax at all if she is a student. The daughter will actually be receiving less money if she lives at home so the argument of well if she lived elsewhere she'd have to manage is void, as it would be relative i.e. she would receive more money if she lived away from home to cover rent etc. Nevertheless I think she should pay if she stays there permenantly. I used to come home for the summer holidays from Uni and not have to pay, purely because I was there for 1 month out of 12 and paying summer rent (when not even allowed to stay in my uni property during summer) to my landlord at university. However I have now moved home after finishing university and was not working, I still managed to pay my dad £30 per week on JSA of £55 per week, with no housing benefit!!!!!

parkip

dear mum - of course you should make your daughter pay rent because it will teach her the meaning of living - the son of a friend of mine tried the same tactic (he is getting £400+ per month) and offered his mum £100 (at least he offered!) and she objected and told him he must pay £250 or go back to digs - he is paying what she wants - so go for it and charge your daughter