Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

shop-to-drop

thisismyview wrote: »

Reply to shop-to-drop
Hi shop-to-drop - some examples from my life : my son spent 3 years at university and stayed at home throughout. Each year of university the grant went down, so I rang up the find out why. The answer was that because my wages had gone up (2%) the grant would go down because I had more money. The grant however did not go down by 2% no, it went down by 15%. My son did not work but concentrated fully on the study and came out with a first. Three years later I still have not taken a penny from him. My son has 50k in the bank, a nice deposit on a property went he is ready. My other son never went to university but strayed at home and saved 30k. This son has now left home and used the money as deposit on his house. In three years my daughter can come back if she wants to, to do the same.

I am not worried by budgeting, no one taught me for example. Don't spend more than you have and only borrow for a house. My son who has left more follows this principal and so far so good.

Regards

What relevance is this?

The OP's daughter gets the full grant so is expected to have to pay her own living expenses.

My sons would not get a grant due to family income so we wouldn't expect them to pay all their living expenses whether they lived at home or away while at University, although they probably would have to pay some through part time work, this however is also not relevant to the OP who is in a different situation.

hjglen

I disagree!! I dont think she should pay and wouldnt ask mine to even though money is tight. She is only 18 and has her whole life ahead of her to be skint and pay bills. Let her be a student and enjoy herself for a few years before she is working full time and constantly on a budget. Working and studying is no easy feat I remember it myself way back when I did it myself! When she is working full time yes she should contribute but let the young stay young adults and have a couple more years of fun before 50 more years of paying bills!!!

shop-to-drop

hjglen wrote: »

I disagree!! I dont think she should pay and wouldnt ask mine to even though money is tight. She is only 18 and has her whole life ahead of her to be skint and pay bills. Let her be a student and enjoy herself for a few years before she is working full time and constantly on a budget. Working and studying is no easy feat I remember it myself way back when I did it myself! When she is working full time yes she should contribute but let the young stay young adults and have a couple more years of fun before 50 more years of paying bills!!!

.. and how is the mother meant to pay the bills?

milvusvestal

This is something you must have known about and should have agreed with your daughter a long time ago. At 18, she's supposed to be a responsible adult, and old enough to look after herself. £20 per week is extremely fair - I'd ask for double that.

I have to say that I am against university merely for the sake of it as, in my experience and that of my children, getting a job on leaving school is the best way to carve out a career, as jobs will be even harder to find as time goes on. I assume, however, that the subject she is studying for is a worthwhile one, and will not result in some mickey-mouse degree that employers are cute enough to dismiss out of hand.

If your daughter doesn't favour the notion of paying for her keep, then you must tell her to find somewhere else to live while she hones her social life at university.

DarlingtonDave

As a parent don't you want your children to achieve better than you?

If you do then supporting them through education is surely what you may or even should do to help achieve this.

I believe while my children are in education, including university, and learning then I will support them all I can. Once they finish and start their career then is the time to set rules for charging.

If money is tight then ask her to contribute in other ways such as helping around the house etc.

shop-to-drop

DarlingtonDave wrote: »

If money is tight then ask her to contribute in other ways such as helping around the house etc.

How is that going to help the mother's financial situation?

seanvdv

Without a doubt in my mind, you are doing the right thing. £20 ain't much. When I started working my folks and me spoke and agreed £30 pm(this was 8 years ago) and I didn't bat an eyelid. Dont let all these soft parents convince you otherwise, it is your house, you have a right to ask/insist on it.
Before anyone asks, no I dont have kids(never would) but I respected my parents request.

XRAT

Sorry to hear that you need the money. If you can't afford her then she should contribute. Should she decline then perhaps you should point out all the things she costs you and ask her to stop using them..., or contribute. That includes food, hot water, washing machine etc. Tell her that she's welcome to stay, but you can no longer subsidise her.

pammii

My daughter has been working whilst in the 6th Form and I have asked her for £1 for every hour she works. At times she argues about why she should have to pay me anything so I remind her why and tell her I will cancel her phone contract and stop taking and collecting her from work, so she would have to get taxis or find other ways of getting to work. I do this to help her realise that you don't get to keep all the money you earn, wouldn't that be nice if we could!

silverswan

I would sit down with her and show her all the outgoings from the household that you have to pay. Then I'd work out, with her, all her outgoings like bus/train fares; meals/snacks when she's away all day, and depending on her course, she may have to pay a lot for text books etc. Allow a bit more for makeup and clothes and see then if she's able to contribute. If so, then £20 is an absolute snip, but if she's wanting the money for fags and booze and lots of nights out, then insist emphatically that she pays at least £20.