Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

honey10

Wow, this post sounds like it could be 8 years ago written by my mum.
When I was in 6th form, and then college, ages 16 to 19, I worked part-time and I used to give mum £120 a month out of my £250 wage. She needed it, and I never questioned handing it over. There was just us two there at the time, and we split chores, although she did the cooking, cos I was very bad at it at the time lol

I don't think £20 is unreasonable, especially when she is left with £90 a week, nearly double what she would get if she was on JSA, and she would have to pay for EVERYTHING out of this. Maybe just gently remind her of that.
I know its difficult to be at uni/college and try to manage money (I'm doing it all over again at 25 with a house, husband and a dog lol) however, its so much harder to try to budget on your own, in your own place, when you have no idea how to do so.

The daughter needs a quick hit of reality, and quickly, or she's gonna be in this forum in 5 years time, asking for help with debts, budgeting etc. Besides, if mum needs the money, then there should be no questions asked by daughter, mum lost alot of money by daughter going to Uni, and daughter needs to help stem the financial loss ASAP

Tinker2012

Hello,

I don't agree with a lot of these posts, about kicking out the daughter aged 18. What good will that do? 18 and potentialy homeless, will probably cause her to get into debt and she may lose her place at uni if she ends up not coping.

Where does it say she is not doing her own chores and such like already? why arw people so quick to assume she is lazy? Sounds far from it. If she has recived a grant sounds like it could be for a pgce where they help with your living costs to become a teacher etc.

As a mum, have you or her considered whether or not she is entitled to a yearly student loan, which would help with living costs? Yes she would have to pay it back but not until she hits the earning threshold, it used to be £15k pa but I think its gone up now. Even then it would be a small ammount.

Her weekly income isn't a lot if she is running a car, paying for travel, buying books for her course etc.

You say you are a single mum ans have lost that extra £100 pmth, have you considered working full time? If not already, or cutting back your own expenses? You chose to have a child and with that comes cost, and as a parent it is your responsibilty to care for her financialy emotionaly etc.

I went to uni, managed to get a student loan which paid for my living, and then on top of that had £350 a month to live off, which covered my car costs, food, books, livi expenses.

I would get her to talk to student welfare to see how much she would be entitled to, before you turf her out the house.

Mojisola

Tinker2012 wrote: »

You say you are a single mum ans have lost that extra £100 pmth, have you considered working full time? If not already, or cutting back your own expenses? You chose to have a child and with that comes cost, and as a parent it is your responsibilty to care for her financialy emotionaly etc.

And now the "child" is 18 and an adult, she should be taking responsibility for herself!

BobbinAlong

I've never asked my children to contribute as they've only been home in holidays but if they were here full time and working, or getting a grant, I would, as they do cost me more in electricity, telephone calls on the house phone, food and I get emails to say I've exceeded my download fair usage amount on BT's top internet package!
If as a parent you have to contribute to your student's loan then let the accommodation be contribution in kind. However I expect you don't so yes do ask for a payment towards the extra costs and discuss household finance.
Personally I'd also change my password on the internet router and not tell the new one so no-one else could connect to your internet. When they complain just say it's mine and I pay for it so why should I share it!

honey10

Tinker2012 wrote: »

Hello,

I don't agree with a lot of these posts, about kicking out the daughter aged 18. What good will that do? 18 and potentialy homeless, will probably cause her to get into debt and she may lose her place at uni if she ends up not coping.

Where does it say she is not doing her own chores and such like already? why arw people so quick to assume she is lazy? Sounds far from it. If she has recived a grant sounds like it could be for a pgce where they help with your living costs to become a teacher etc.
Most uni students now get a maintenance grant, dependent upon parental circumstances, training to be a teacher doesn't really get you much else these days

As a mum, have you or her considered whether or not she is entitled to a yearly student loan, which would help with living costs? Yes she would have to pay it back but not until she hits the earning threshold, it used to be £15k pa but I think its gone up now. Even then it would be a small ammount.
It's not mums responsibility to make sure shes getting what shes entitled to. The threshold is around £21,000 now.

Her weekly income isn't a lot if she is running a car, paying for travel, buying books for her course etc.
It's double what someone her age would be getting on JSA to run a whole house. £110 (without the £20 contribution) is more than most people working full time get to spend on 'luxuries' in a month never mind per week

You say you are a single mum ans have lost that extra £100 pmth, have you considered working full time? If not already, or cutting back your own expenses? You chose to have a child and with that comes cost, and as a parent it is your responsibilty to care for her financialy emotionaly etc.
That child is now an adult, why should the mum have to cut her own expenses, to allow her daughter to have more unnecessary spending money? Why should the adult not have to contribute?

I went to uni, managed to get a student loan which paid for my living, and then on top of that had £350 a month to live off, which covered my car costs, food, books, livi expenses.

I would get her to talk to student welfare to see how much she would be entitled to, before you turf her out the house.

Sorry if there's any duplications

scarlet_macaw

Please tell me you aren't providing her with food as well and that she allready contributes to the shopping bills or fends for herself.

£20 is ridiculously low as a contribution to bills, never mind rent, food and miscellaneous expenses.

aeryan

Yes your daughter should contribute. The grant is for living expences not just to spend. Show her how much it costs to live in student accomdation it can cost £100 a room without food or other expences. She needs to learn to live in the real world.
All the best Angela

Clueless969

Hi all, we know that this is a hypothetical question on here but we also know that the situation is occurring every day and not just with children going off to university but also those starting a new job or even looking for one.

My take on this is that, whether the parent(s) are rich as Croesus or poorer than church mice, children (they are always your children whatever their age) need to learn the value of money and the cost of living.

Any child who is not prepared to contribute a fair amount for their accommodation, food and services needs a reality check.

If that reality check involves doing nothing for them, putting a lock on the landline telephone, making sure there is nothing in the fridge/freezer that they like to eat: moving any of dirty plates/pans/laundry that they leave laying around into their room, then that's what needs doing.

Showing them that there really isn't such a thing as a free lunch in the real world is a lesson best learnt young.

As for £20 per week as a contribution, it's the price of a couple of takeaways and if the child or children have enough cash to spend on such things then there shouldn't even be the need for a discussion. Family must come before fast food.

If they really have no spare cash, after sitting down and working through a budget with them, then a very long conversation needs to take place to work out how said child can become more financially independent and what will happen with their first bit of spare cash - make a contribution towards their upkeep. Failing a financial solution, there is always something around the home that needs doing on a regular basis - cleaning and dusting come immediately to mind. The latter solution is not ideal but it is a form of payment in kind and should make the child realise that life is a serious matter. Don't let them con you into stopping them from doing their chores because they do such a bad job that your frustration takes over.

As you will have guessed, I am not a subscriber to the school of thought that says parents are responsible for the total cost of their children, whatever their age, until they move out. Wanting to do our best for our off-spring is not, in my opinion, achieved by keeping them shielded from the cost of living in today's world until they feel it's their time to move on. I'm sure that there will be some on here who will have had the "pleasure" of their children choosing to live with them way, way past the end of their education.

Well Ladies and Gentlemen, that my very large 2p contribution, make of it what you will. :rotfl:

ellesbellesxxx

Tinker2012 wrote: »

Hello,

I don't agree with a lot of these posts, about kicking out the daughter aged 18. What good will that do? 18 and potentialy homeless, will probably cause her to get into debt and she may lose her place at uni if she ends up not coping.

Where does it say she is not doing her own chores and such like already? why arw people so quick to assume she is lazy? Sounds far from it. If she has recived a grant sounds like it could be for a pgce where they help with your living costs to become a teacher etc.

As a mum, have you or her considered whether or not she is entitled to a yearly student loan, which would help with living costs? Yes she would have to pay it back but not until she hits the earning threshold, it used to be £15k pa but I think its gone up now. Even then it would be a small ammount.

Her weekly income isn't a lot if she is running a car, paying for travel, buying books for her course etc.

You say you are a single mum ans have lost that extra £100 pmth, have you considered working full time? If not already, or cutting back your own expenses? You chose to have a child and with that comes cost, and as a parent it is your responsibilty to care for her financialy emotionaly etc.

I went to uni, managed to get a student loan which paid for my living, and then on top of that had £350 a month to live off, which covered my car costs, food, books, livi expenses.

I would get her to talk to student welfare to see how much she would be entitled to, before you turf her out the house.

Nope a PGCE is a postgraduate degree so you would have to do a degree first and be older than 18. I am guessing this is a maintenance grant.

teabythesea

Of course she should pay, it's a fact of life. I'm in my third year of university and live with my partner (we pay his parents rent), but the first year I lived in halls for £580 a MONTH excluding food! Even when I go home now during summer I offer my parents money, they aren't rich, neither am I but the money is better going to them than on me buying a new dress. I also buy parts of shopping when I visit home or buy luxury items. The price of food has really really gone up, I'm shocked the daughter seems to have zero empathy!

All this nonsense about the mother choosing to have children so she should support said child for the rest of her life is NONSENSE. I couldn't imagine seeing my parents struggling while I have £100+ a week to spend on anything as I please. My parents love the bones off of me and just because they may hypothetically charge me for living at home does not mean they love me or value me any less!

I think if at 18 she doesn't have empathy I'm not sure you can force it, like other posters have said, all you can do is sit down and see it in black and white.