Real-life MMD: Should student daughter contribute?

Hens_Teeth

I think it'd come as quite a surprise to her if you've not mooted this subject seriously before now. I think that you should bite the bullet for now, and start preparing for her to move out. Let her know - very clearly - that you expect her to move out to stand on her own two feet by the time that she is 22 if not before, so therefore she should start now to save for a deposit on a flat or whatever.
Reinforce this thought by having a "moving out" box into which you put the odd tea towel, or spare mug or dish.
When the time comes, she and you will be ready; you will have delivered her into her independent living role; she will be grateful that you were patient and kind to her.

Greenfly_3

My son & daughter both started HE this autumn. My daughter accepted her contribution of £30 per week without question. My son had the same response as your daughter, until I sat him down and explained the situation to him. That is... we do not now receive child benefit nor child tax credits for him anymore and that his grant/loan is a Maintenance Grant/Loan and that he has to maintain himself and that I would be irresponsible if I didn't charge him a board & lodging fee. I said that I would help him do it "on the cheap" for "only" £30 per week. I did suggest that if he fancied looking elswhere, I wouldn't stop him. He said "Point taken" and now there is no problem. Without question...your daughter must pay up or look elswhere.

Clueless969

Greenfly wrote: »

My son & daughter both started HE this autumn. My daughter accepted her contribution of £30 per week without question. My son had the same response as your daughter, until I sat him down and explained the situation to him. That is... we do not now receive child benefit nor child tax credits for him anymore and that his grant/loan is a Maintenance Grant/Loan and that he has to maintain himself and that I would be irresponsible if I didn't charge him a board & lodging fee. I said that I would help him do it "on the cheap" for "only" £30 per week. I did suggest that if he fancied looking elswhere, I wouldn't stop him. He said "Point taken" and now there is no problem. Without question...your daughter must pay up or look elswhere.

Very well said :T

Ashagill

I was very fortunate to have parents who didn't and still do not charge for rent or maintenance. However I have a sibling who has taken advantage of this to the absolute max. I think if he were my son I would have kicked him out long ago to really teach him how great he has it here. But my mum just can't make herself do that to her child.
Perhaps you are the same, and if so, prepare for a long life of being taken advantage of by your children (my brother is 30!).
I strongly suggest you lay down the rules now, she will be a much better person for it. If she decides she doesn't want to pay; as others have mentioned, uni halls ARE available, and now is the time to let her experience the utter financial strain that comes with independence.

joolsybools

As she is in receipt of £110 a week spending money (£5,720 a year or £476 a month) she should be paying some form of rent - £20 to £30 a week sounds ideal, at least this will cover her food costs.

Angry_Bear

When I went to Uni, I lived at home and didn’t contribute a penny – nor did my Mum ask for it. However, the main reason for this was to avoid me having to get any loans* so the only money I had was from part time job. My Mum worked close to the Uni and I often got a lift with her – so I didn’t even have to cover travel. How much it was costing her didn’t even occur to selfish little me. That being said, I had paid for my own phone, clothes, socialising, treats etc since I got my first part time job (paper round) at 13, and fed myself pretty much as soon as I went to uni.

I knew my Mum didn’t have much money but I didn’t (and still don’t) have any clue about what she earns or how much her outgoings are. I reckon this is why I struggled for so long before I got a proper handle on my finances, it just seemed a bit like everyone else managed effortlessly (ducks swimming serenely come to mind now).

If you work through your full budget with your daughter and let her have full visibility of how much you have “spare” every week – maybe she’ll realise how easy she’s got it. The chances are that she has some vague idea of you having hundreds every week to spend as you like – I doubt she realises how hard it is to budget (few people do at 18). Trying to browbeat her into paying by threatening her with getting kicked out, or even just telling her how hard things are in words is unlikely to work (imo) – but cold hard numbers might do the trick.

* I was at uni in the gap when no means-tested maintenance grants at all were available, or possibly went in full to pay the tuition fees - I don’t recall exactly, only that I was given no money to spend on living costs but I didn’t have to pay tuition fees.

ClaireEg

Hi,
I was taught by my mother that we all have to contribute. When we were growing up we all chipped in with the housework, Mum, Dad, 4 kids. Why not? We all lived in the house, we all ate there, slept there, brought dirt in, left our things lying around. Why not all contribute. the same went for money. My first Saturday job earned me £6 (this was the 70's) - My Mum took £1 off me every week. When I lived at home in the summer holidays whilst a student I got benefits and quite rightly, those benefits were to help pay for my board and lodge so Mum got most of it. No grudges, no regrets, I know the value of money and the value of pulling together as a team. The best education in the world!!

ermintrude775

Should the daughter contribute??? Yes.

If you let her off with it now, she will not get the concept of having to pay the bills before you go shopping and clubbing when she moves out. Teach your daughter about the value of money now before she gets older and gets herself in to bad debt.

My daughter is in Uni at the moment and is paying £85 a week for a basic room with shared bathroom and kitchen and has to buy her own food and cleaning products.

When my daughter turned 18 she was in college and no part time job so she paid by doing jobs around the house - ironing, cleaning, cooking.

Taylor27

tallgirld wrote: »

So she gets £110 a week and you want to take £20. That only leaves her with £90. I wouldn't want to pay it either.

But then I was a brat who had no idea how much things cost and always believed it was my parents job to look after me. Got a MASSIVE wake up call when I left home!!!!!

This has to be the best response iv read out of all of them. Seriously everyone is forgetting that a teenager is arrogant and selfish.

A possible option is give ur daughter a wake-up call without it being drastic, Ur daughter needs a massive slap in the face to see that her life wont be as cushioned as when living at home, which im sure will be nicer than where she would have to move in to if she was to leave.

£20 a week living costs is a good idea. But u need to force the idea into her head. Sit her down and show her on the internet some different accommodations that she will be able to afford, find ones with pictures as it will give a better indication of what is available as i have lived in some utter s**tholes. lol Also go through ur bills, guarantee u will get a this is boring, but just say do u want to deal with this if not give me £20 lol

:j

pennypinchUK

Sounds like you have a selfish daughter who needs some basic financial education, and to learn manners and respect for those who she should be grateful to.

My solution would be to sit her down and show her why you're asking for a contribution. If she refuses, ask her to source some alternative accommodation that's better value than what you're offering (she won't be able to, of course).

If she still refuses (and surely no right minded daughter would be so thick skinned as to refuse such a reasonable request from her mother), stop providing food and stop washing, cleaning and ironing for her, until she gets the message.