Living together - financial arguments

NAR

meanycath wrote:

So, I've got what I wanted but I don't feel happy. Am I right to feel that I shouldn't have had to fight the way I have for something that (in my opinion) is not unfair?
My gut feeling is still to ask him to go - I feel like he has tried it on with me to see what he could get away with.
On the surface the relationship is good and we get on well but I do always have that niggling underlying feeling that he feels I should be grateful to him for being with me!

Catherine, these three paragraphs speak volumes. Should you really be making a committment, for that's what moving in together is, with someone you are not 100% certain about?
I would love to say a lot more, but it is your decision.

trafalgar_2

wanderlust_wannabe wrote:

bin the muppet.

Nicely put:D

ceegee

Cath...there are "givers" in this world and there are "takers". You are the former and he is the latter. You deserve a lot better than this. Looking at it from here, he is just out for what he can get and you are providing it.

I know how hard it would be on your own....I'm there myself, but I'd rather be on my own than be with someone who is using me. Let him go and sponge off someone else.

meanycath

Hi,

We've just had a long talk and he says he will "do as he's told". He says his problem is that he wants us to have something together and by him having a share of my property at a later date, he would feel that he had been working with me to better ourselves.

He says I won't commit to him and that hurts.

My argument is that now I don't want him to move in because of all the conditions and demands that he made (which he has now totally backed down on). I feel uneasy about him living with me now anyway.

I told him this morning that if he moves in I will not be able to continue with my divorce as I couldn't afford to fund it myself and I will no longer be entitled to legal aid. BF said it would be no problem as he would lend me the money, keep a record of how much and at some point in the future I can pay it back. This statement doesn't make me feel overly comfortable.

He has said if I ask him to go (he has gradually being staying more and more with me anyway, hence why I felt the need to go official) and we don't live together then the relationship will be going backwards and he doesn't see the point in continuing the reltionship.

So now I either let him move him with all the uneasiness that I feel or I lose him totally. Is he blackmailing me?

trafalgar_2

meanycath wrote:

Is he blackmailing me?

Catherine.

am I the only one missing something here,you've got your head screwed on,you know what he's said/making you feel is wrong,your saying so yourself..............

and you need to ask

ceegee

Why is he suddenly saying that he will lend you money for legal fees, when he wasn't prepared to make a reasonable contribution to the household expenses?

And you can pay it back later??????????? How very generous. :rolleyes:

ceegee

Don't let fear of being alone stop you from making the right decision.

Queenie

meanycath wrote:

So now I either let him move him with all the uneasiness that I feel or I lose him totally. Is he blackmailing me?

Yes!

rchddap1

Like others I have to question why he is willing to lend you money, when he was reluctant to pay the costs that he would incur living with you. If my partner desperately needed money i would give it to him. I wouldn't expect him to pay it back. I wouldn't keep a log of what was paid out and returned.

Eitherway, why pay for something yourself when you are getting it for free at the moment? Basic money saving here. It does mean that he can't move in just yet, but cash in your pocket is much better than in the solicitor's. That money could go towards a new house, or a holiday (assuming the relationship continues of course).

As I have said before if it is a good strong relationship it doesn't matter in whose name the house is. Legally my partner's and mine's house belongs to me....but it isn't just my house...it is our home. it doesn't matter who pays for it, or whose name is on the documents.

If he truely believes that if he doesn't move in then he won't continue the relationship it looks like you already have your answer. Just because you don't want him to move in it doesn't mean you don't care about him. Simply that you are not confortable or ready to make that big step. Eitherway you're saving money at the moment by using Legalaid to pay for your solicitor...his money and yours.

elona

How is he contributing to your future together by allowing you to "keep him"?

It would cost him a lot more to rent and have meals cooked, laundry done , use of car, two baths a day , central heating on full blast etc. etc. And he would not have anything to show for it in the way of equity if he were renting.

If you want a big lump - buy a dog - at least that would be genuine in its affections.