Living together - financial arguments

mitcho_uk

I wouldnt budge an inch, I think he is definately after your money and the fact that he doesnt like YOUR washing around YOUR house says it all. Do you really want to change your life and let somebody move in who has already started to lay down HIS ground rules in YOUR house. Fair enough £600 is alot of money however he is investing in the well being of his new family ie taking care of himself, you and your child/ren. I dont believe it is practical to lose out on the benefits you are entitled to in order to allow him to move in.

Think wisely before you agree to anything

Take care

Queenie

:eek: Sorry, I know I risk offending here - ditch the self centred uncompromising !!!!!!!!
Your initial post was one thing, but reading the "he wants", "he thinks" bit on your later post .... well, hence my reaction. He clearly can't even afford his "non peasant" attitude if £150 would "stretch his budget"!

If this is how he "dictates" his wants/needs/ideas *before* he moves in, do beware m'dear!!!!

You deserve and can do far better than a person with those attitudes!

meanycath

Actually it's his washing too! I've done all his washing for the last 2 years. To be fair he has done a lot of diy for me too (I paid for the materials), so I see this as being part of a relationship - give and take and all that.

elona

He certainly expects you to give him a very nice lifestyle!

If the positions were reversed and he were a woman - can you imagine the comments?

My husband hates me having a tumble dryer on as he hate the fluff it collects and clothes are nicer dried on the line - but he is happy to help draping stuff over radiators etc.

He who pays the piper should be calling the tune - you are the one paying the piper and keeping him like a king.

It really does not sound as if he is willing to see how difficult things would be financially for you - or he does not care!

I have a strong feeling that even if he did become well off - he would begrudge contributing a fair share to the family unit.

Would telling him that you cannot afford to keep him make him see what he expects is not reasonable?

I am sorry if I have been a bit blunt but all the concessions seem to be coming from you.

Luis

Hear Hear Queenie - couldn't agree more.

I am afraid he sounds like someone very controlling, and if he gets his way at the outset, you are opening up the floodgates for more.

Dimity

Oh dear, i'm sorry that you're not getting very happy suggestions here meanycath.

Can i ask a question though...why did you & BF decide to move in together? It sounds like he thinks he might get a good deal moving in with you & very convenient considering his current accommodations (i can't see why he'd be bothered by a bit of washing if the alternative is to live in a bunkabin!)

you don't sound confident about the idea so don't get pushed into it.

jaimeo

Met many men like him, know of many like him.

Tell him in the politest way that it will cost you £150 a week to have him live with you. If he wishes to pay that amount...great. If not, dont move in.

I'd say you are being generous really. £35 a week for food + wine is not much. Also as you said he uses your car, and has his kids to stay.

I can see why he would not want to pay £100 tax credit equivalent, but it is obvious that you cannot afford to compromise on it. You sound like you have your head screwed on, and like you are doing the best you can for yourself and child (or was it children...hurried reading tut tut!). I would not give in. If he wants to move in then fine...if he is willing to pay the price.

Grrrr it makes me mad to hear about someone trying to overtly confuse you and manipulate you...equally satisfying though is the fact you've seen through it! Well done you.

As for...oh and then i'll get 35% etc. etc. blah blah...who the hell is he to work out silly equations telling YOU how much of YOUR property HE will be entitled to. It sounds to me like you are the more responsible of the two of you. Fair enough he's waiting for his big idea to take off but you cant be expected to subsidise HIM in the mean time. I youve both had prior relationships he cant pretend to be naiive about the far reaching consequences of signing away part of your house to him.

Cheeky git!

rchddap1

If you buy the food then you make the choices. As he's not paying for it then he has to take what he is given. It does seem a bit like he expects you to be his slave. Sounds like I'm an extremely lucky lady having all my washing and cooking done for me by my partner. And before anyone asks, no he's not for sale.

A relationship is a partnership and from what I read things are going very much in one direction. If he wants branded foods then let him go down the shops and buy them. Like many of us you only have a limited amount of cash and at first glance he seems to expect you to have a bottomless pit of money.

If he is not a peasant then why isn't he buying this huge castle for you all to live in complete with butler, maids and cleaning service? No-one should be called a peasant, but we all have to live within our means. How much effort does he put into cleaning the house? Or does he believe that this is woman's work? Or that as he is working so hard all day providing for the family (yeah right) that it is his right to sit down in the evening and have his meals provided, washing done etc...

How long has he been living in this portacabin? Has he made any efforts to find a place for himself?

Spendless

Why would the £150 be stretching his budget? To me in a partnership shouldn't all the household income be going into the same pot to pay the bills, shopping etc (but i don't understand the concept of his and hers money to be honest).

I am also bemoaning that the tax credit system does not help the middle income bracket ( i am in the odd situation where i'd be better off financially by kicking the husband out - though i'd miss him -lol).

How many hours do you work, could you cut down? This way you might keep more of the tax credits. There is a website called 'entitledto' where you can have a play about with figures.

When i bought a house as a single person and asked the solicitor what would happen if a boyfriend moved in then later moved out (ie would he have a claim on the house), the answer i got was each case is classed on its own merits (eg it would depend on how long they were there, what if any contribution had been made to the household and so on), so even if the bf did move in, in the event of a split he would possibly have a claim on the house. Of course it is a long time ago (about 11 years) since i was told this and things might have changed.

meanycath

thanks for all the replies, you have said things which were, deep down, my gut feelings.

I am either going to suggest that he moves in and the cost is £150 per week and I am now so spooked by all this that I am seriously considering getting a legal document drawn up saying that if we split, he is entitled to nothing. (I have already spoken to a solicitor to find out my rights).

Or... I might tell him that we cannot live together, and we shall continue as we are.

Or... maybe I should tell him to !!!!!! off completely!

To be fair to him, he is good around the house, he is now doing most of the gardening, always clears up after dinner and occasionally cooks dinner. He has also babysat for 8 weeks in the evening 1 night a week while I have done a college course (on assertiveness!). Initially he was a slob but I have made it clear what I expect and he is now doing that.