Living together - financial arguments

swampytiggaa

ah cath - have just read thru all of this and am shocked by his attitude - get the feeling you are too now you have written it all down

i have been in a similar position ie single parent with my own home when i met bloke [now husband] when he moved in he never mentioned a share in the house - even when we had a falling out and he moved back to his parents for a while it was never discussed even tho by that stage he was paying a lot of money into the house by doing loads of DIY etc and had raised the value by a lot tbh......

i never swopped it to a joint mortgage - even when me married [didn't want to spend the cash] but when we moved to another house i put the whole of the equity down as the deposit cos it was a new start for our family.

I honestly think that your bloke thinks he is onto a good thing - and personally i would tell him to get stuffed cos you will be better off [financially] without him - sounds like mentally too!

good luck xxxxx

Spendless

meanycath wrote:

He tells me that by me letting him have 38.5% of the equity less the mortgage (currently 38.5% of the value of the house) that it shows that I am committed to him. He says that I am not "giving up" anything but eventually he will have built up some money which he can put in his will and leave to his children.

ermm won't his children eventually inherit the 25% share that he has of his parents place plus anything else left to him by his parents? BTW if he is not divorced and has not made a will in the event of his death this 25% that he 'owns' of his parents place will be inherited by his wife.

elona

If he dies and you have given him equity in your place - do you want his wife to inherit part of your house and then force you and your child to sell up?

He is not "willing to pay his way " - but he does want to gain a large chunk of your home!


It would be bad enough if he just wanted you to keep him - but he wants a large part of your home as well!

I will not advise you to walk away - "RUN for God's sake,RUN!"

Sorry to be so blunt but my blood is running cold as I type.

pandas66

Just returned to the web site again only to view this post! I agree entirely with the above comment and hope meanycath you are reading all answers to your dilemma with all the best intention that they are written with. I have myself been in a similar position with a man, his ex, my ex, kids business etc. He wanted to be on the deeds (I kept mine mine). His(business) was never enough in his words for me to have a share i.e. the business when things were being discussed but it was howerver a good long term investment for his kids to be left it all. Don't get me wrong his childredn were fully intitled to all what Dad had built up, but so were mine in regards to my assets. Long winded I know. Hope you get the gist of my tale.If you do go ahead with him going in the house then you can put the house into a severence so you retain power over ex wife/children. It means you split ownership the house not sure if its 50/50 or if you can adjust that. I did it when I had an ex husband who I couldn't remove from the mortgage but he went on to have other kids and so would have had claim to my property if he died in a terrible terrible accident(!) Sekk legal advice what ever route you take. A discussion with CAB is defiently in order. Please think carefully.

culpepper

just a thought,since reading this mornings comments...
He may want a share in your house so that he can take out loans secured on it:(
I was telling my hubby about your blokey this morning and he said ooh sounds like one of those blokes with a double life doesnt he?
My own parents were married for about 20 years...after my dad had been dead about 5 years we got a letter from his daughters from his previous marriage!!!(My mum knew nothing of it and felt horrified and betrayed) .

Dimity

Sorry Cath, you must be terribly confused.

I earn more than my partner and each of our salaries goes into our joint account to pay all the bills and the mortgage (which is in his name). we have never had a single argument about money and i can't imagine that we will (although he did forget to pay the gas bill once!!!). i trust him, he trusts me.

I don't see that you're ever going to feel very secure with this guy, and he's not doing much to reassure you that he's taking care of BOTH your future...

You sound like a great lady with a lot to offer - don't compromise what you want & expect from a relationship because of the position this guy has put you in. Don't settle for second best, you sound like a first class lady all the way

margaretclare

Hi Meanycath

I completely agree with all that Dimity says above.

I had to smile wryly at your post about 38.5% of the equity. A couple who are committed to each other in the way that is necessary for a happy relationship do not talk in percentages!! When we were married in 2002 we used the modern wording for the service and when we exchanged rings we said 'All that I am I give to you, all that I have I share with you, within the love of God....'

I can't imagine any couple standing there at the altar steps, or in front of the registrar, and talking about 'I will give you 38.5% of all that I own, in return for 38.5% of all that you own'. When you think of it like that it's ludicrous, isn't it?

In addition, no one is automatically entitled to inherit anything from their parents or from anyone else. What the parents own is theirs up to the moment of their death and if they choose to use it all for their own comfort, that's the way it should be. I am really against the younger generation eyeing up their elders, wondering what they will get left, hoping that mum and dad don't spend it all. I am really, really against that. I am fortunate that it isn't the case in our family, but if I ever thought that it was I would have a few words to say which would be short and to the point.

Aunty Margaret

meanycath

Hello all,

I'm going to print off all the messages on this thread to remind me when I'm feeling like backing down, that I am not wrong or unreasonable. I just need to work out how to do it, if I print from the print button in explorer I only get half the page. Is there anyway to just print the text?

BF is trying very hard and has offered to take me out of our home town tonight to do whatever I want (something we rarely do as I always have to drive as he likes a drink more than I do and I got sick of feeling like a taxi). I'm going to tell him before we go out that I have not changed my mind about all this and if he still wants to take me then that's great.

BF comments regularly on how he despises people who are "waiting" for an inheritance but regularly talks about his and has even suggested I make an effort to help my family more with their business as one day I could benefit.

My husband and I had separate bank accounts because I was only 16 when we got together and we weren't allowed to have a joint cheque account because I wasn't old enough to sign. We got used to this arrangement and always had separate accounts. But it was simple, if we wanted something and he had the money in his account - the money came out of his account or if I had money in my account, it came out of my account. Basically we had one big pot and we trusted each other.

I know that it's different with my BF as my son is not his (and his kids are not mine) but I still think this "business" attitude is not right. I wouldn't mind if it worked both ways and I was getting X % of his business and his property but he says that as I'm not earning enough to put money into either of those things then why should I have a share?

I think he would always use money to have "control" over me and that is something I don't want.

libra10

Trust your instincts

If you go to File, Print, Features, Landscape, that should print the whole page.

Good luck

elona

I want to say "Good luck" as well.

Just a nasty thought but- these other women with children that he has been with and never shared childcare etc. - do you think he is targeting people who he thinks will be vulnerable?

Can you be sure he really is getting a divorce?

If he is so keen to own your house and to "employ" you in his business - then you would be completely under his thumb!

Are you also sure that he is spending nights in the portacabin - or does he have someone else on a string?