My daughter has been detained :( .........UPDATE!

peachyprice

But remember, your circumstances have changed now, things have escalated, get that statement appeal in and use this episode to your advantage, same with the respite application. The unit staff have seen her behaviour, get them on-side and use anything they can help you with in your appeals.

daska

Yes, and don't be afraid to use the impact on your other children, or to cry or to tell them that the thought of her returning without support makes you feel suicidal. You will have to fight so use every possible weapon in your arsenal.

And get that appeal in! PP should be helping you with that as well but I would suggest making use of the IPSEA helpline.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

teabag29 wrote: »

thanks, i see what you're saying. To be honest its only this past week without her that ive remembered what normal is like, no arguing and swearing all the time, no picking on the siblimgs, no mess etc, ive had time to spend with my other kids and their behaviour has improved dramatically now they they are not being picked on or fighting for attention. Parent partnership have supported me but still got turned down for the statement, I am currently downloading the appeal forms as i only have 8 days left to appeal.

I have already had a carers assessments but was turned down for respite as funding is very tight and respite is very rare now apparently. They gave me the number for tap who are running a grdening club and may be able to assist with transport......not much use really.

And the damage having her back will do to those children who are just finding out they can breathe again is a damn good reason to dig your heels in and say 'NO. She is not coming home. My other children have needs and rights, too.'

meritaten

I totally agree with the previous posters teabag! The thing is, is that with the right care and treatment for your DD, respite is NOT going to matter so much to you! I can tell that right now you are at the end of your tether and need a break - can you arrange a long weekend somewhere with the kids? or preferably on your own?

Please do not agree to have DD home overnight - I have heard of them doing this, and then refusing to re-admit the person because the bed has been 'taken by an emergency'!
if you cannot find an advocate then take a friend. moral support is very important.
YOU and your family need this time as much as DD does!

teabag29

Hi guys,ok so had the meeting. There were 3 drs (psychiatrists I believe), the mental health district nurse who works alongside social services who will do the 12 week intensive support work once shes released, my social worker that was allocated yesterday, me, dd, my hubby, the teacher who works at the hospital and a nurse from the ward.

Nurse gave a brief outline of how dd has fitted in well and no low episodes etc, couldnt believe what i was hearing and waited for her to finish the intervened. I explained how she has rang me begging me to take her some tablets in and when i obviously refused she would swear at me and indult me down phone, all on loudspeaker so the other kids can verify. i explained about my brother picking her up on saturday and that whole incident, about her behaviour and how she had to be physically removed to protect the other patients and how shes been eating excessively and smuggling stuff past them and drinking neat cordial to get her sugar fix.....I wasn't letting her get away with describing dd the complete opposite to how shes been so I filled the drs in.

When overnight stay was bought up i said theres no way we're at that stage and im adament its not happening yet, the main dr tried to argue against that saying she cant stay in here forever until shes all sorted and I just re-iterated that overnight stays are no where near ready yet, she hasnt changed her attitude toward suicide or her abusive attitude toward me and until shes had some therapy i'm not willing to discuss overnight stays. They said we'll have to meet on our own to discuss it further but no appt made.

Next they asked me about what lead to this and asked me about a typical day for dd, what happens when she gets home from school, can she sit down still and eat a meal, her sleeping habits, is she always on the go etc....they said they have there own theories to her problems but will not disclose what they are thinking to me yet as they want to be sure...... im wondering if they may be thinking ADHD the way they were questioning me.

They also talked about school and talked about transferring her to a hospital school in the city but wouldnt be a permanent move, they did say she had settled into their school well and i said thats because the work is at a low level that she can cope with and the class is very small and short (2 hrs a day, 7 pupils). I argued this is what she needs, they talked alot about school to so maybe they are thinking school anxiety or schoolophobia whatever its called. Either way I guess they are atleast noticing she does have problems.

During the meeting she was very rude but not meaning to be (thats the autism side) she nicknamed 1dr mini hitler as she thought he looked like him but she didnt understand that was being offensive, another she called fat boy (off eastenders). When asked about her suicide thoughts she declared 'im still gonna do it'.

We have another meeting next wednesday. Dr said would be useful for the EP to come to that one as they need to speak to him too so he will be invited. They also want to speak to me before then about all her problems in details particularly her sleeping and eating habits, her behaviour, what she does with herself etc but they dont want to disclose what they are thinking until they are sure. She already has a diagnosis of pda (asd), spd, dyslexia and significant learning difficulties, not sure adding another diagnosis is gonna help, more interested in getting treatment for her.

Anyway thanks for all the support ladies, will keep this thread open as need all the advice I can get (was trying to remember everything you told me when I went into the meeting today lol). Gonna make a start on the appeal forms now for the statement

meritaten

Thanks for the update teabag!
Well done for sticking to your guns about overnight release!
It was shocking that the nurse was describing your DD in a way that bore no relation to reality - was she actually thinking of another patient? or painting her in glowing terms so the doctors would release her? Well done for keeping your temper and letting her finish before setting them straight!

Please keep us updated teabag, not just the crisis but the nice bits too!
actually a different diagnosis, as long as it is accurate, would be a good thing - treatment for each of the different disorders on the spectrum can be vastly different and what works for one disorder wont help another! Because from what you have said I have been thinking your DD may have been misdiagnosed. You know I cant say on here as we are not allowed to diagnose!!!!
Wishing you and your DD and the rest of the family peace and happiness!
merit

daska

:T :T :T :T :T

Well done teabag!

I second what Meri says, another diagnosis isn't necessarily unnecessary or irrelevant, it may be that her in-patient stint is exactly what is needed for them to see that the situation isn't a simple as they have assumed and to make a more serious investigation of her problems.

I do feel you should put in writing to ALL attendees how the situation was either deliberately misrepresented or totally ill-informed due to poor protocol/ slap-dash working practices in the unit your daughter is at. There is really no excuse, and raising the point formally in writing is very important because as it stands their reports cannot be trusted and you NEED everyone to know that they have to up their game.

You did say you were keeping a diary didn't you! Now you know why it's needed, it's the bit of chewing gum that sticks their seven league boots to the floor LOL

Do you qualify for legal aid? If you do you may be able to get help with the statement appeal from them, I have a lovely guy from NYAS sorting out DS2's at the moment.

Fire_Fox

Well done and best of luck with the next step.

teabag29

Hi guys, in desperate need of some advice, things still not going well. Since the meeting on Wednesday I have had a call from the hospital to go in and see the Dr tomorrow at 13.30 as he wants to get dd on medication before wednesdays meeting and needs me to sign in agreement (dont know what medication yet they havent discussed with me what they feel is wrong). Social worker is coming to see me at 11.00 tomorrow and district mental health worker (part of the intensive support team who work with families to stop children going into care and will be doing a 12 week programme with us when dd is released) is visiting on Tuesday.

So yesterday dd began her tricks of ringing me again (she gets bored there at the weekend). She told me she'd spoken to the Dr about discharge and he's told her she can dischrge herself but someone must pick her up. I explained to her that she wil not be coming home until things have changed and they have given her some help and her behaviour calms down......I was immediately met by anger and her hurling abuse at me down the phone and despite the nurses promising me this wouldnt be allowed to happen again she spent the next hour ringing me and doing so until I unplugged the phone. (I did try to ring the office but she kept answering and nobody would answer the main reception number)

Fast forward to this morning and she has rang me again and told me she was nearly discharged lastnight as she trashed the place and broke the beds (I dont know if she is being honest or not, shes very flexible with the truth at the best of times). She also said she rang the social worker yesterday who is coming in to see her today (again not sure about this as doubt she wouldve been at work yesterday as it was saturday) and she doesnt want to tell me what she wants to talk to her about but she doesnt want to see me tomorrow when I go up there and she doesnt want me in with her on wednesdays meeting so we have to go in separately.

In february when things werent going well for her at school she went in accused me of abusing her (full investigation and interviewed other children and found she was lying, she even tried to say the plice officer she told was lying and she hadnt made any allegation) so she's probably going down that route again.

My concern now is Wednesdays meeting where I feel sure I will be pressured to bring her home for an overnight stay and this time the ep and school senco will be there so when I refuse everyone will think i'm the reason shes done all this, they are gonna think i've turned my back on her and treat her differently as she accused me of.

When i explained at the last meeting why i didnt want her home yet (she blatantly told them in the meeting she would still attempt suicide on the outside) as it would be putting her and the other kids at risk and i could nolonger cope with her they said 'well she cant stay here forever and we cant discharge her and shes going to be all cured and better'.

Just dont know where this is going to end up but i really dont feel comfortable having her home until things have improved. I know this sounds awful but the house is so much more peaceful without her, the other 3 kids are thriving, we are all happier and stronger. I know that sounds terrible saying we are happier but its true and as much as it hurts me to say it I am actually now ready to go all the way with this and if that means placing her in fostercare then so be it.

All she has done for the past week is tell me how much she hates me and the other 3 kids (my brothers dog has just died of cancer and she asked why couldnt it be me instead of the poor dog), demand things from me, take the mick out of me infront of everyone, badmouth anyone and everyone, make clear that she will continue this when she gets home as well as her suicide attempts etc. I just dont want this anymore and cant take it, ive now experienced life without it and had forgotten what normal life was like and i dont want to go back to that. I envy women who have children who devote their lives to their special needs kids and for years i have tried my best to do that but i just feel that ive reached breaking point and to top it all off my depression is beginning to creep back in everytime something new happens with dd and I really dont want to go down that road either (used to suffer from it badly but been fine for nearly 5 years now).

Ok feel a bit better now for getting that off my chest. It prob seems to some of you that I am abandoning my dd when she needs me most and that I am selfish, but I am just not strong enough to keep doing this. Please go easy with your replies

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

You're not abandoning her.

You're escaping an abusive person. There is no law that says you have to accommodate an abusive person just because they happen to be related to you. Or because there is a Latin name that can be given to medicalise the abuse.



It's sad that she has problems - I remember quite clearly posts where you described very sophisticated levels of psychological torture of her brother - abuse allegations about you are equally complex. She KNOWS the damage such things do to people or she wouldn't even have thought of them.


Protect yourself. Protect your other children who don't deserve the life they have with her ruling the roost.



There is nothing wrong with protecting four people from one abusive one.