My daughter has been detained :( .........UPDATE!

teabag29

Hi guys been on the phone all morning and have spoken to the nhs partnership complaints people in our area who said its very serious and advised me to send the letter in asap (up until now it was only a verbal complaint). They also said when I made a verbal complaint to the manager by law she should have passed it to them as all complaints have to be logged so shes broken the rules there too.
Have wrote everything in the letter not just the complaints but how she isnt getting any treatement and how they are pressuring me to take her home even though she's telling them shes still going to attempt suicide, mentioned that ive taken legal advice and im fully prepared to take it all the way including putting her under a care order if need be so that she is accomodated somewhere safe. I explained about my other childrens needs and how ive neglected their needs and how my sons health has deteriorated because of stress and my marriage has broken down.

The district menal health worker who is supposed to be doing a 12 week intensice support course with us once she is released was due to come see me today at 11 and has cancelled yet again, 2nd time now. This is exactly what happens all the time, the support looks good on paper but the reality is very different.

Anyway I am due to see the dr at half 1 to discuss medication and I think possible diagnosis so will see what he thinks.....wonder if he's thinking adhd or just sleep medication, I'm very curious.....guess all will be revealed soon. Thanks for all the support ladies it really helps me emotionally but also on how to tackle things and Ive used some of your words on my complaint letter like 'they have breached theor own protocol' hahaha thanks. Feeling alot more positive today although son is off school ill again, dr seems to think its related to this whole mess, he doesnt handle stress well and gets terrible headaches

whitewing

teabag, good luck with the doctor. Hopefully your son will start to feel better if he feels that you are getting more support and understanding with your DD's problems.

roxannafy48

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

So sorry to read this.

I have not read your posts before and this is easy for me to say but do not feel rubbish, not everything is within our control, even with our own children.

She is getting help and that is the priority.

I really hope she gets the help she obviously needs and that you have someone to support you through this.

totally agree. hang tough darling!!!!!!!!

Errata

Anyway I am due to see the dr at half 1 to discuss medication and I think possible diagnosis so will see what he thinks.....

He will have developed a working diagnosis in order to decide what medication would help her. Ask him what the working diagnosis is.

daska

Don't say you've neglected your other children! Say that her needs and behaviour, compounded by the lack of support from school, SS, NHS etc. have resulted in their needs not being met. Very different.

Stay strong tea bag, we're rooting for you.

londonsurrey

Brilliantly done, Teabag!
You've probably done it already, but just in case, please do include the repeated cancellations to illustrate the reality vs the nice paper plan, as you've described.

fannyanna

I've not followed this thread that closely but have read bits and pieces and I wanted to say that I really feel for you.

Your situation sounds unbearable and the fact that you've not completely lost the plot shows how strong you are.

You're daughter will probably never appreciate everything that you're doing for her but I hope you at least find it reassuring that other people think you're doing a good job (especially in those moments when you doubt yourself).

teabag29

Hi guys im back from seeing the Dr, he is a nice guy and does seem to want to help. My suspicioins were confirmed he went over some more history and thinks (but is not certain) that she has ADHD which is where alot (but not all) of the poor behaviour is coming from. They are starting her on Ritalin tomorrow, just starting at 5mg and if no signs of improvement up it to 10mg and see how she responds before they give a definate diagnosis.

They are referring her for the hospital school in city for short stay and assessment so that she doesnt have to go back to her school, not yet anyway but if assessment shows she wouldnt be able to cope in a mainstream they will get her in somewhere else. They will also provide a taxi to take her and pick her up. he also wants a cpa which I cant remember what it stands for something like childrens protection assessment where all the services come together to arrange support for me and her for when she gets out as he doesnt want her to leave with no support and for me to find things difficult.....he mentioned challenging social services about gettng the right support (good luck with that doctor lol).

I spoke to the district mental health worker before the meeting who basicaly said she has to be released soon and i have to basically put up with it and cannot ask for her to be accomodated because its not allowed.

I said i'd taken legal advice and was told im well within my rights but she said social services would not give me a section 20 care order and if I tried to turn up with her and leave her there then i could be charged with abandonment or if i failed to let her in if the hospital send her home in a taxi, which they are getting close to doing because of her behaviour.

She said people seem to think they can accomodate their child but its not true, i said so what if i was a young parent and couldnt cope and wanted to adopt my child and she said you cant adopt your child especially a teenager (I explained that was just an example and i dont want her adopted) and that its not allowed and the only way s.services would accomodate her is if she was at risk from me and even then only the most serious cases....she said she visits families where kids get hit and abused and they work with the family to reduce risk and give the child tips on how to get away or phone police if things get too bad.

Is she for real or what surely this cant be true. I explained that my other 3 children are at risk from her as am i and to summarise she basically said i have to put up with it and try and mage it as best i can and hope she gets some medication that works for her!!!

She did say she had spoken to the social worker and asked her to speak to manager about specialised child care which is the next best thing to respite which is where a childminder will look after her 1 day a week (or 1 day every 6 mths knowing their budget) but only in the day time, not overnight. Respite is apparently only given to the very severely disabled.

Errata

he also wants a cpa which I cant remember what it stands for something like childrens protection assessment where all the services come together to arrange support

CPA is the Care Programme Appproach - info here
http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/mental-health/Pages/care-programme-approach.aspx

daska

Well turn it back on them, refer your other children to SS on the basis that they are victims of abuse by their sibling and if you are not allowed to remove the abuser you need them to be supported to defend themselves. Fingers crossed for the new medication...