My daughter has been detained :( .........UPDATE!

Errata

teabag29 wrote: »

Just had a look on net and found these, do you think they could offer me an advocat http://www.rethink.org/how_we_can_help/our_services/advocacy.html

Only Rethink can answer that question when you contact them.

meritaten

No-one could think you are abandoning her teabag! you have done your very best and coped a lot better than some would in the same situation. As others have said - it isnt all about your DD - you have other children and their needs count just as much as hers. those who have said that she is abusive are correct - never mind that she has mental health issues, she is still abusing you from what should be a place of safety! tbh, if she is the only person answering the phone I am not sure that I wouldnt phone the Administrator and explain that you are concerned that you cannot reach any of the staff and the patients seem to be in charge! what on earth is happening in that unit?
stick to your guns teabag - you wont be taking her home until the abusive phone calls stop, and she is on meds and they are working for her!
I do hope you have written strong letters to the hospital and the hospital trust about the situation with your brother! dont let that drop hun.
my thoughts are with you teabag - and I must say that considering all you have had to put up with - you are a mum in a million!

kelfen

If you get a voice recorder, get a digital one and set up the date, so when she gives you abuse down the phone, you have dated incidents

teabag29

Just spent 20 mins on phone to the nurse at the hospiatl after dds latest abusive call. She said shes arranged with doctors to be put into care and doesnt want me to visit again and wants all her clothes, she told dd2 she'll never see her again and upset her then swore at me.

Nurse who i finally got hold of said she trashed place lastnight and nobody got any sleep, she was very upset because she never came home at the weekend like some of the other patients did or had any visits. I explained she didnt have a visit because I saw her friday and explained i couldnt get over again until monday and she said she didnt want to see me anyway....as soon as I get there she tells me to go because its snack time or because she wants to play with her new mates.

I also explained the person they have just described is the dd i see at home everyday and its not a one off because she didnt see me, its her all over and if a team of nurses and doctors couldnt handle her how do you expect me to handle her and try and keep 3 kids safe in the process.She said theres an element of risk and will have to be taken as she cant stay there permanently to which i replied, she can stay there until she gets the treatment she needs and her behaviour isnt a risk factor to my other children or herself.

So now they gonna try and pin her latest behaviour on me and the fact i didnt visit her yesterday or let her come home for the night and it upset her so much!

I now have another dilemma.... my 2 older kids are going on a pgl holiday over half term and the ex is taking our youngest to butlins for the weekend to give me a break and spend time with her and I have arranged to go and see my sister for the weekend who lives 2 hours away and i am close to.

They are obviously gonna put pressure on me to have her at home next weekend after her stunt this weekend especially if they find out the other kids arent gonna be there as there isnt a risk factor, but i really need this break and havent seen my sis for so long but there is no way she will have dd there, last time she trashed her house n said awful things about her husband who died. I know it sounds selfish to pick going to my sisters for the weekend over having dd stop over but its the only child free time im likely to get for a very long time yet if the hospital find this out they will put alot of pressure on...... not sure what else i can say to them though because once they realise other kids wont b here next weekend I know what they'll be saying

thorsoak

Teabag - just do not tell the hospital what your family plans are - just keep saying "it will be half term, my other children will be off school - they deserve a break from their sister's tantrums too". Just do not tell them!

whitewing

Go on your break. Sounds like you all need a bit of a change of scene.

Brighton_belle

thorsoak wrote: »

Teabag - just do not tell the hospital what your family plans are - just keep saying "it will be half term, my other children will be off school - they deserve a break from their sister's tantrums too". Just do not tell them!

This ^^^.
Also, keep up the good work re the need to protect your other children. Life for them with her must be quite horrendous, intimidating, frightening and miserable as smaller and younger siblings. They deserve and need protecting.
Hope you find an advocate to help fight your corner.

daska

teabag, your daughter is 13, yes? So there is no way anyone is going to let her out of there with nowhere safe for her to go. And there are places and foster carers who specialise in caring for children such as her.

TBH it doesn't sound as if she is being particularly well cared for in that unit - breaching their own protocol to allow her out with her uncle, giving her free access to the phone, allowing her to answer the phone. It doesn't make them sound as if they are either able or willing to control her, it seems more like a holding situation.

If they try to blame you for her behaviour just point out that you have 3 other children who have never behaved the way she does even with her as an example.

You do not need to tell them what you are doing at half term. And if they do insist you tell them straight that relationships across your family are being destroyed by her abusive behaviour.

meritaten

too bluddy right! dont tell them! YOU need the break and if your sis wont have her in the house............that says a lot doesnt it?

also, the nurse says that she has asked to go into care and wants her clothes - are they considering this? if so then why are they saying that its because she wasnt allowed home she had a 'melt-down'........she doesnt want to come home - she wants to go into care! Doesnt this tell them that her thought processess are completely illogical?

this sounds harsh hun - but, if she has asked to go into care - then it really isnt your problem is it? let her - and let SS cope with her! I know you dont want this - no mum would - but could you think of it another way? that DD actually wants a break from 'family life' herself? That it may well be the best thing for her.......believe me SS will not be pressured in the same way that parents are by doctors!
It does not mean that you would be out of her life - just that she lives elsewhere and you can phone, visit and contact her whenever you wish and vice versa - cos SS will move heaven and earth to get her back home!
I would actually be using stalling tactics now - until you have had your break and had chance to mull things over, while completely removed from the situation. unless matters are taken out of your hands - and I very much doubt that it would be in less than a week! things can change overnight and your DD may well respond positively to meds! I do hope so for her and your sake!

Fire_Fox

Don't tell the hospital what your plans are, make excuses or get on the defensive as to why you cannot visit or have your daughter home - use the 'broken record technique'. This sort of thing "she can stay there until she gets the treatment she needs and her behaviour isnt a risk factor to my other children or herself." Also emphasise your own mental health. Repeat, repeat, repeat.