My daughter has been detained :( .........UPDATE!

daska

It's not been fair on the other children, it's not been fair on you and it's directly responsible, at least in part, for the break-up of your family. But thanks to her outbursts the various agencies involved can no longer deny that there is a problem or claim that it's only triggered by the home environment. Please, please don't stick at speaking with the manager, you really do need to WRITE and complain. And you need to involve your MP, your local councillor, the head (director) of social services, CAMHS, school etc.

And if they won't offer you the support you need then maybe you need to force their hand and tell them that you CAN'T cope with her without that support so, for the sake of your other children, you can't take her back. They will kick and scream but it may be your strongest hand.

teabag29

But can I do that Daska, can i actually refuse to take her home without support, I am her mum after all and have a responsibility. Wouldn't I be liable for neglect if I did that? and if so wouldnt that jeopordise the position of my other children

Jackie47

daska wrote: »

And if they won't offer you the support you need then maybe you need to force their hand and tell them that you CAN'T cope with her without that support so, for the sake of your other children, you can't take her back. They will kick and scream but it may be your strongest hand.

I second this! I have a profoundly disabled daughter who finished her education at 17 and Social Services were dragging their heels to find a placement for her, I was a single parent at the time and told them that I was moving out of the family home so they would need to find the care for her....had to be cruel to be kind but it worked! They soon found 24 hour carers for her and then a placement.

I know it's different circumstances but I am a firm believer of shouting the loudest to get heard!

Jackie

atrixblue.-MFR-.

a childrens commissioner is basically a person who oversee's that yound people and children are getting the best out of services available for them amoungst other things. http://www.childrenscommissioner.gov.uk/info/about_us

daska

teabag29 wrote: »

But can I do that Daska, can i actually refuse to take her home without support, I am her mum after all and have a responsibility. Wouldn't I be liable for neglect if I did that? and if so wouldnt that jeopordise the position of my other children

Yes you can do that

In fact it would be quite appropriate to argue that accepting her return without adequate support would mean you were neglecting both her needs and those of your other children!

teabag29

But if it got to the stage they were ready to release her but with no support or respite and i refused to take her without it, could I be arrested for abandoning her or some similar charge?

daska

No, because you're not abandoning her, you're saying you'll take her back when an adequate care plan is devised. If you just locked her out of the house without any thought for her welfare then that would be completely different matter but having read a lot of your threads it's quite obvious you couldn't do that.

Do you have any kind of advocate or friend could help you take an objective look at the situation, put together a factual list of the problems she causes (for ALL of you) and help you stay strong?

teabag29

No, nobody here. I have seriously thought about moving counties (to lincolnshire) to where we used to live where I have my sister and nephews for support but as I live in a council house it could take years....wonder if that is something the social worker could help with.....alot better for funding over there im told too so dd may actually get the statement and school she actually needs

Chakani

I would second what has been said, you need to put all complaints in writing - they can't be swept under the carpet then. Verbal complaints just don't have the same power.

And yes, you can refuse to take her home. If you really meant it, there is an entire care system that can be accessed. BUT, resources are limited, so the stock response is to give everyone the bare minimum. The people who get more are the people who are difficult and demanding, and who make themselves heard. It shouldn't be that way, but I am afraid it is.

You don't need to be rude, but you do need to be very assertive to get anything out of the system. Don't let yourself be pushed around and bullied. You cannot take her home without the support you need, because you already know the situation is untenable.

Will her dad support you in dealing with it? Ideally you both need to be telling them the same thing.

Sorry I can't give more specific help, I didn't work in this exact area, but in a similar one, and the advice you have from Jackie and Daska is very sound.

daska

How about contacting The Children's Society to see if they can help find you an advocate? I really do feel that you need someone who's prepared to be your rock.