Unfair or not?

meer53

1940sGal wrote: »

Obviously I'm alone thus far in thinking that the teenagers should see that they've been lucky so far in having a lot more holidays than most people dream of and should think themselves grateful. Whining that they can't go on another is a tad selfish.

Are they put out just because they can't go on holiday? The OP has mentioned nothing about them complaining that they're not spending time together, they live with each other after all so if it's just about them not being able to go on holiday i'd tell them to stop being selfish.

Everyone saying it's 'all or none', what if the OP can't afford to take everyone away? Should they not be entitled to a holiday just because they can't afford to take everyone?

Think about this -

You live with your 2 siblings with your mum and stepdad (who you don't get on with.) Your mum says " Oh by the way, we're going on holiday for 2 weeks, but you and your brother/sister aren't invited"

How would you feel ? My daughter is 12, she would be heartbroken if her Dad decided to take his 2 children from his new relationship away, and left her at home with me. But then he would never do that.

As for affordability, if you can't afford to take your family on holiday, you don't go. Simple. You don't book a holiday choosing who goes, dependant on what your budget is ! The OP has a FAMILY, it should be a family holiday.

emsywoo123

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thanks for the comments:)
My children do not want to spend any time with me:(
I have even tried to get us counselling so that we can talk things through but they don't want anything to do with it.
I am really grateful to all your answers but it would be good to know how many of you that replied are or have been in the same boat? If you have please let me know ...

So they say it's unfair but don't actually want to go?

Cat501

Tinks32 wrote: »

My children do not want to spend any time with me:(

So why are you so excited about having "time away from teenagers", going so far as to call it "bliss"?

I can understand someone saying that about time away from all their kids (I've done it myself for the odd weekend here and there) but not 2/3 of them

Mr_Toad

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thanks for the comments:)
My children do not want to spend any time with me:(

Is that because you treat them differently as in the case of the holiday? If so it's hardly surprising.

bluenoseam

Sorry, but I'm of the opinion you're NOT a bad parent over this - they're of an age where they should understand that they've had holidays which their younger sibling was not involved with so how do they think that made their younger sibling feel? 16 year old should certainly be aware of economics & also aware of the fact that in the eyes of most holiday companies they are an adult - 13 year old should at the very least be aware of the economics.

I personally feel the older children are throwing the toys out of the pram because they feel they're being treated differently when the reality is in the past they HAVE been treated differently, but they benefited from it whereby your younger child didn't.

1940sGal

meer53 wrote: »

Think about this -

You live with your 2 siblings with your mum and stepdad (who you don't get on with.) Your mum says " Oh by the way, we're going on holiday for 2 weeks, but you and your brother/sister aren't invited"

How would you feel ? My daughter is 12, she would be heartbroken if her Dad decided to take his 2 children from his new relationship away, and left her at home with me. But then he would never do that.

As for affordability, if you can't afford to take your family on holiday, you don't go. Simple. You don't book a holiday choosing who goes, dependant on what your budget is ! The OP has a FAMILY, it should be a family holiday.

Actually my parents went away to Ibiza a few years ago and took (and paid for) my sister. I couldn't afford to go so i stayed home. It didn't bother me.

tea_lover

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thanks for the comments:)
My children do not want to spend any time with me:(

Maybe they feel annoyed at being treated so unfairly.

peachyprice

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thanks for the comments:)
My children do not want to spend any time with me:(
I have even tried to get us counselling so that we can talk things through but they don't want anything to do with it.
I am really grateful to all your answers but it would be good to know how many of you that replied are or have been in the same boat? If you have please let me know ...

What do you mean by 'in the same boat'?

If you mean with children from a previous marriage and one with current OH, then yes, I am, and I would never have wanted to take our DD away without my sons, I wouldn't do that to them and my OH wouldn't expect me to.

Perhaps they have a bad relationship with you and their step father because they feel excluded.

newcook

1940sGal wrote: »

Obviously I'm alone thus far in thinking that the teenagers should see that they've been lucky so far in having a lot more holidays than most people dream of and should think themselves grateful. Whining that they can't go on another is a tad selfish.

but its also rather selfish of OP and her OH to play favourite with the youngest!

1940sGal wrote: »

Are they put out just because they can't go on holiday? The OP has mentioned nothing about them complaining that they're not spending time together, they live with each other after all so if it's just about them not being able to go on holiday i'd tell them to stop being selfish.

again though, the other kids aren't being selfish - the OP is having a little family holiday with her OH and their child. I would imagine that the other 2 kids feel rather pushed out (or even more so if they dont get on that well with stepdad)

1940sGal wrote: »

Everyone saying it's 'all or none', what if the OP can't afford to take everyone away? Should they not be entitled to a holiday just because they can't afford to take everyone?

then OP should either book somewhere cheaper for them all to go, not go at all or save for another year when they could all afford to go.

meer53

If your children don't want to spend any time with you, is it because of their stepdad ?

If it is, your decision to go away without them will just make matters worse. You need to decide who your priority is here, your husband or the children. Could you go away with all the children but without your husband ?