Unfair or not?

Tinks32

I have 3 children, 16,13 & 9 the older 2 are from a previous relationship. They have been on holiday with their father more than 5 times. We have only been on holiday with all the children 1 time, 2 years ago on our honeymoon!!! We are going away for 2 weeks on Thursday with just the youngest and the other 2 are not very happy (this is a major understatement). They do not have a very good relationship with their step father, he is 20 years older than me and has somewhat different ideas on how children should be brought up!! They are not bad kids, just typical growing up things. But this makes life unbearable sometimes. All I wish for is a quite life!!! Their argument is that they should all be treated the same IE they should have been invited... and they can't seem to get their heads around that they have had many more holidays than my younger son. This will be 2 weeks off from 2 teenagers Bliss! But I am feeling like a bad mother. What I am trying to ask is do I appear to be a bad mother to everybody else? Sorry for the essay:)
Next post is about xmas present problems.........

meer53

Tinks32 wrote: »

I have 3 children, 16,13 & 9 the older 2 are from a previous relationship. They have been on holiday with their father more than 5 times. We have only been on holiday with all the children 1 time, 2 years ago on our honeymoon!!! We are going away for 2 weeks on Thursday with just the youngest and the other 2 are not very happy (this is a major understatement). They do not have a very good relationship with their step father, he is 20 years older than me and has somewhat different ideas on how children should be brought up!! They are not bad kids, just typical growing up things. But this makes life unbearable sometimes. All I wish for is a quite life!!! Their argument is that they should all be treated the same IE they should have been invited... and they can't seem to get their heads around that they have had many more holidays than my younger son. This will be 2 weeks off from 2 teenagers Bliss! But I am feeling like a bad mother. What I am trying to ask is do I appear to be a bad mother to everybody else? Sorry for the essay:)
Next post is about xmas present problems.........

Not saying you're a bad mother, but i wouldn't do it.

I can see where the older 2 are coming from, i'd be peed off too, they're still your kids and this may just make their relationship with their stepfather worse, as they may think he's the one who doesn't want them there, and that you're agreeing with him.

Just my thoughts.

System

I would take all my kids or none at all.

Seanymph

Yes, you appear a bad mother. Sorry.

Your teenage children - who, praise be to god still want to spend time with you - are playing second fiddle to your new husband and your 'together' child.

You dont' get to use anything their father does or doesn't do as justification yourself.

Things have to be fair in YOUR house with all YOUR children regardless of what your ex does.

Personally I find it appalling - and you are siding with your husband 'for a quiet life' - what you should be doing is educating him about teenage behaviour and being a bit more tolerant because you have all this again sooner or later.

But I think you risk totally alienating your children. And I feel sorry for them.

peachyprice

Bad mother? Yes.

It's irrelevant whether or not they have been away with their father, you cannot treat your own children differently just because you are no longer with their father and expect them to he happy about it.

Could you not have waited until they were old enough to not want to come with you? That would have been much fairer.

sexpot

I think you should have gone all together. kids don't understand. Or maybe you should be going away when your other 2 were away.You are making matters ten times worse. sorry

McKneff

I would take them all or none.

faerie~spangles

Totally out of order.

You are creating an us and them situation.

masonsmum

I have 2 boys to different dads and would never make any difference between them, we go on holiday as a family unit all the time, my eldest son does have a great relationship with my partner though so thats half the battle but I personally could never ever leave one at home and go away with the other!

tea_lover

I think this is going to be one of those rare threads where pretty much everyone agrees for once.

All or none (if they want to go), regardless of what they may or may not do with their dad.

splishsplash

I can't imagine doing it either, sorry. I couldn't imagine excluding my children from a family holiday. It sends a horrible message that they are not part of the family really, doesn't it. The 'new' family all get to go away, but the 'old' children are left behind.

Their relationship with their dad doesn't really come into it, I'm afraid. What he does with them is one thing, nothing to do with your relationship with them. I'm sure they have become used to the distinction between the two households. But you are telling them they are not important enough to include in your plans. No, I definitely couldn't agree to that.