Unfair or not?

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

I've seen it happen, sometimes a poster gets it perfectly right:

"Thanks for taking the time to reply, even though some of them were hard to read and I don't agree with everything there's a lot to think about. I won't be posting anymore as I think I've got enough to work with and its getting a bit much. Thanks again."

Spot on, nothing to moan about there!

Ah.

OP: Doesn't much care for what has been said yet still posts a closing post in a manner that is perfectly acceptable if taken at face value.

Readers: Apply their own interpretation to the closing post and berate the OP in a less than acceptable (imo) manner because she did not word said closing post in a certain way, suitable for those who interpret differently.

Is that about right?

*insert a 'you can't please everyone' comment*

charlearose

i don't think you are being unreasonable
slightly different but i have one son age 18 and dh has 2 boys 19 & 20

when they were younger dh would go with his boys on holiday i would go with my son and take my niece a few times we went together with all the kids but but it was easier to go separately sometimes due to the time / and cost ect
all of them still get on with each other and see each other most weekends

my sister has just come back from a holiday with her youngest daughter and her dp while her elder daughter stayed at home with me

balletshoes

charlearose wrote: »

i don't think you are being unreasonable
slightly different but i have one son age 18 and dh has 2 boys 19 & 20

when they were younger dh would go with his boys on holiday i would go with my son and take my niece a few times we went together with all the kids but but it was easier to go separately sometimes due to the time / and cost ect
all of them still get on with each other and see each other most weekends

my sister has just come back from a holiday with her youngest daughter and her dp while her elder daughter stayed at home with me

you're right, your situation is different from the OPs.
However, was your sister's elder daughter invited on holiday with the rest of her family, or was she just told she wasn't invited? Is the elder daughter a minor, and still living at home? Because thats what has happened with the OP and her 2 oldest children, they are both still schoolkids, living at home, and neither was invited on holiday with the rest of their family, on a family holiday.

MrsE_2

aliasojo wrote: »

I have to say I agree. I'm surprised at some of the later comments. The thread isn't helpful now.

You can't make someone act differently, all you can do is offer an opinion and hope it's taken on board. If not, then move on. No need to hit the OP with a big (virtual) stick because she wont do what we think she should.

As much as I think the OP is wrong (& I had a mother like her) I agree there is no point in abusing her.

LannieDuck

Maybe a better way to deal with it would be, when the older children's Dad takes them on holiday, you could do something special with the younger son that appeals specifically to him (i.e. the older two wouldn't feel too left out by). Maybe he's very into science, in which case you could take him to the science museum in London, or he loves the sea so you could do a weekend trip to the beach, etc.

So he feels as if he's had a treat too, but it's not so amazing (like a 2 week holiday) that the older children resent it.

starrybee

The "older kids have had more holidays argument" is ridiculous. They've been alive longer!

If you had a family all born to the same parents, you don't stop taking the older children until the younger ones have caught up?!

And in regards to the 'they don't even want to go/spend anytime with me' - perhaps if you asked them "do you want to go on holiday with me and your stepdad" they would have said no. But the fact you've made the decision for them is outrageous, and no wonder they're kicking up a fuss quite frankly. You can't treat them differently to your youngest and except them to give you any respect.

his_wife

can you not take your little one away on his own when the older children are away with their father, i havent read all your posts, just the first one on this topic.

Although i understand what you are saying , your older children are not to blame for having time away with their father, so i am sure they would love having time away with you as well, otherwise i can see a lot of resentment building up towards the youngest child.

My step daughter has always came on holiday when we have one, albeit not very often, even though she has three holidays abroad with her mum every year, that just makes her extremely fortunate. On the other hand, my children have never had a holiday with their dad, as he cant afford to take his step children and his own children, so his own children loose out. unfortunately thats the way things are, but as long as in my mind i have treat them all the same, then thats all i worry about.

charlearose

No my sisters eldest daughter wasn't going on the holiday as she was going on holiday with me in august to Turkey for 3 weeks. I often take my niece away each year and have done so for several years. Normally to give her mum a break in the long school holidays
My son is of an age where he dosnt want to go on holiday with me anymore even when invited Im sure that if she wasnt going on holiday with me though they would have taken her as they have done in the past even when i still took her in the summer

My sister eldest daughter is 14 and the youngest one is 4
They got a free child place for the youngest one and as they knew that the older daughter was going with me 2 months later they decided that they would let her stay at home for the week

balletshoes wrote: »

you're right, your situation is different from the OPs.
However, was your sister's elder daughter invited on holiday with the rest of her family, or was she just told she wasn't invited? Is the elder daughter a minor, and still living at home? Because thats what has happened with the OP and her 2 oldest children, they are both still schoolkids, living at home, and neither was invited on holiday with the rest of their family, on a family holiday.

peachyprice

Don't know quite why this thread was resurrected, but OP has gone on the holiday now.