Unfair or not?

jellyhead

1940sGal wrote: »

Children, whatever their age, are not angels. Sometimes they are little swines who don't deserve a holiday, has anyone thought of that?

And sometimes parents are grumpy, tired, distracted by work or ferrying people about etc.

A holiday together might actually build bridges and help them connect as a family.

maman

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thank you for all your replies:) We have a holiday planned next year for all of us, it was just this year that I needed a break from the older 2! I know it is selfish of me. If I could go back in time I might just have booked a holiday for my husband & I, but I don't know if this is just hindsight speaking:)

Of course you did, but hoped maybe others would agree. Seems they didn't.

System

Wow, reading this thread i feel i should be questioning my parents on why i haven't been on holiday with them since i was 16 but my sisters who are both past 16 have been a few times :eek:

Person_one

fannyanna wrote: »

Leave the woman alone. You're like a pack of wolves. She asked for opinions, she got many strong opinions and has engaged in debate.

There's not much left to say (well nothing constructive) and so she's moving on. It doesn't mean she's having a tantrum.

Talk about a witch hunt!

What's the point of !!!!!footing?

If everyone had toned down their responses to 'Oh, obviously you're a great mum, maybe you should still take them though' then that would have given the OP a completely false impression.

If somebody says something horrifying, what's wrong with reacted that you're horrified? Yes, she's taken her ball home, but you never know, once she's cooled down it might be a trigger to actually think about the way she's treating her children. Lots of reassurance and fake hugs wouldn't.

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

What's the point of !!!!!footing?

If everyone had toned down their responses to 'Oh, obviously you're a great mum, maybe you should still take them though' then that would have given the OP a completely false impression.

If somebody says something horrifying, what's wrong with reacted that you're horrified? Yes, she's taken her ball home, but you never know, once she's cooled down it might be a trigger to actually think about the way she's treating her children. Lots of reassurance and fake hugs wouldn't.

That's not what is being talked about now.

It wasn't the initial responses some of us have issue with, it's the 'after' posts, the posts after the OP replied.

Because she didn't appear to accept the points made and immediately change her stance to that of the posters, she was berated and biatched at. That is what I thought was unfair. I don't agree with the OP but nor do I think some of the latter posts are reasonable.

fannyanna

Person_one wrote: »

What's the point of !!!!!footing?

If everyone had toned down their responses to 'Oh, obviously you're a great mum, maybe you should still take them though' then that would have given the OP a completely false impression.

If somebody says something horrifying, what's wrong with reacted that you're horrified? Yes, she's taken her ball home, but you never know, once she's cooled down it might be a trigger to actually think about the way she's treating her children. Lots of reassurance and fake hugs wouldn't.

I was not suggesting people sugar coat their opinions and tell the OP what she wants to hear. In fact I gave my opinion earlier in the thread (I believed the situation was unfair). The OP received some very strong views and a lot of criticism. She accepted that she was in effect fair game as she had asked for opinions.

What I took exception to was the fact that people seemed to harangue the OP because she had stated she was walking away from the thread. I did not think it was necessary to tell the OP to grow up or imply that she was a drama queen having a strop just because she was walking away from a conversation that in my opinion was no longer constructive. By that point I think the message was loud and clear that her actions had resulted in her children being treated unfairly. What more was there to add?

But that is of course only my opinion and everyone is entitled to their own.

Caroline_a

I started reading this, then skipped a load of the posts in the middle, so apologies if I'm repeating anyone.

I have 3 children, as OP, first 2 to husband no 1, 3rd to husband no 2. I wanted to ensure that my girls grew up as sisters, not half-sisters or step-sisters, but treated each other as if they were full sisters. In order to do this I had to treat them all equally. The result (they are all grown up now) is that there is no animosity or jealousy among them (ok we get a few moans from time to time, but what family doesnt!), but it is never an 'us-2-and-her' thing.

Teenagers are damn hard work, and often the younger ones then seem like little angels, but I would caution the OP against making this rift. I'm sure I didn't get everything right by a mile, but I do think that I got this bit right, and I know that when I'm long dead and gone I'll have left 3 women who have no axe to grind with each other from not being the Golden One.

Person_one

fannyanna wrote: »

What I took exception to was the fact that people seemed to harangue the OP because she had stated she was walking away from the thread. I did not think it was necessary to tell the OP to grow up or imply that she was a drama queen having a strop just because she was walking away from a conversation that in my opinion was no longer constructive. By that point I think the message was loud and clear that her actions had resulted in her children being treated unfairly. What more was there to add?

I have to say, I don't have much patience with 'Goodbye cruel thread' type posts. If you don't want to discuss it anymore, just don't. Nobody will track you down and make you return to the threa.

Making a big announcement that you don't care what posters have to say anymore does come across a bit tantrum-ey and as though the person only ever wanted to read posts that they agree with.

aliasojo

Person_one wrote: »

If you don't want to discuss it anymore, just don't. Nobody will track you down and make you return to the threa.

I smiled at this simply because many, many threads where the OP does not continue posting, all go the same way. Cue all the 'oh wonder where the OP has gone / didn't she like what was being said/ wonder if she's sulking...etc etc.

Sometimes on MSE, a poster just can't win either way. :rotfl:

Person_one

aliasojo wrote: »

I smiled at this simply because many, many threads where the OP does not continue posting, all go the same way. Cue all the 'oh wonder where the OP has gone / didn't she like what was being said/ wonder if she's sulking...etc etc.

Sometimes on MSE, a poster just can't win either way. :rotfl:

I've seen it happen, sometimes a poster gets it perfectly right:

"Thanks for taking the time to reply, even though some of them were hard to read and I don't agree with everything there's a lot to think about. I won't be posting anymore as I think I've got enough to work with and its getting a bit much. Thanks again."

Spot on, nothing to moan about there!