Unfair or not?

1940sGal

Obviously I'm alone thus far in thinking that the teenagers should see that they've been lucky so far in having a lot more holidays than most people dream of and should think themselves grateful. Whining that they can't go on another is a tad selfish.

Are they put out just because they can't go on holiday? The OP has mentioned nothing about them complaining that they're not spending time together, they live with each other after all so if it's just about them not being able to go on holiday i'd tell them to stop being selfish.

Everyone saying it's 'all or none', what if the OP can't afford to take everyone away? Should they not be entitled to a holiday just because they can't afford to take everyone?

gingin_2

You all live in the same house as a family unit, therefore everyone should be treated equally.

I can't see how you could justify it to your older children in any way. It's also unfair on the younger one, their older siblings will end up resenting them because of your actions.

MrsAckroyd

Wether they've been away with their dad should not affect wether they go on holiday with you. They're all your children & YOU should treat them all the same. If I was one of the older 2 I'd be upset at being left at home aswell.

We have 4 children, 2 from H's prev marriage, 1 from my prev relationship & 1 together, we take them all with us regardless of wether they've been away with other parents

tea_lover

gingin wrote: »

It's also unfair on the younger one, their older siblings will end up resenting them because of your actions.

Totally! Particularly when you consider the unequal spending on presents as well (as per the OP's other thread).

vickiem30

Hi

I'm not a mum so my opinions won't be as helpful as other posters, I do have my adored step grandchildren and niece though ( who are amazingly, the two most beautiful boys in the world, and world's most beautiful girl!). I wonder if it's not so much about having a holiday for your teenagers, but about wanting to spend time together as a family. If so, it would be a shame to miss out on this time. My cousin just died suddenly at 46 leaving a 3 year old (the above mentioned niece) and the time we have together counts.

Tinks32

Thanks for the comments:)
My children do not want to spend any time with me:(
I have even tried to get us counselling so that we can talk things through but they don't want anything to do with it.
I am really grateful to all your answers but it would be good to know how many of you that replied are or have been in the same boat? If you have please let me know ...

Mr_Toad

Agree with the others, you are being completely unfair.

You are advocating going away with the 'new' family unit, you, hubby and you child with him, while leaving your other children behind.

Your family has 5 people in it and all the children should be treated equally and without favour by you.

vickiem30

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thanks for the comments:)
My children do not want to spend any time with me:(
I have even tried to get us counselling so that we can talk things through but they don't want anything to do with it.
I am really grateful to all your answers but it would be good to know how many of you that replied are or have been in the same boat? If you have please let me know ...

I'm really sorry to hear that. As I say I'm not a mum, so not much experience. It could be a natural thing teenagers go through to assert their identities as soon to be adults.

1940sGal

Tinks32 wrote: »

Thanks for the comments:)
My children do not want to spend any time with me:(
I have even tried to get us counselling so that we can talk things through but they don't want anything to do with it.
I am really grateful to all your answers but it would be good to know how many of you that replied are or have been in the same boat? If you have please let me know ...

So is it purely about them wanting a holiday or do they not want to spend time with you because of this decision?

lazer

They only way this would be even remotely acceptable is if:

a) The olders children contact with their father and access arrangements prevent you from going away together (Eg - he has contact every wed, sat etc, or if he does not give permission for the older children to leave the country without him.

b) If you were taking the younger child on holiday at a time when the older children were away with their father.

I believe all the children should be treated the same.