Just found out my son is experimenting with other boys

[Deleted User]

bazra wrote: »

The thing you need to remember though is that it wont be 'life changing' for him if this is how he has always been.

I don't think it has always been this way, I think it has only happened in the last six months. Prior to this he had girls that he would talk about, not many admittedly but when he was at primary school there were girls on the scene and when he joined a unisex club he had girlfriends. However, it has only been in the last couple of years that his social life has exploded past the yearly birthday party.

meer53

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Exactly, it would make me feel better but that is what is stopping me because it is selfish. But I do also see preparing him as unselfish because he will have a shock at some point or other and I know deep down what he would want would be to support our son when and if it happens, so maybe telling him would be the unselfish thing to do when you see if from the supporting our son angle.

See it's so difficult there are arguments for both sides, for the life of me I don't know which carries the most weight.

Flippin 'eck ! why, why,why will it be a shock ????? This is what people don't understand. And why, if it is a shock, will it affect how he supports his son ?

Am i being dim here ? I just don't get what your issue is.

You're making mountains out of tiny little molehills here.

robpw2

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I don't think it has always been this way, I think it has only happened in the last six months. Prior to this he had girls that he would talk about, not many admittedly but when he was at primary school there were girls on the scene and when he joined a unisex club he had girlfriends. However, it has only been in the last couple of years that his social life has exploded past the yearly birthday party.

having a girlfriend in school is lot different to being attracted to girls/guys
in primary school one would assume he wasn't sleeping with them , its nothing more then a frined who is a girl

[Deleted User]

meer53 wrote: »

Flippin 'eck ! why, why,why will it be a shock ????? This is what people don't understand. And why, if it is a shock, will it affect how he supports his son ?

Am i being dim here ? I just don't get what your issue is.

You're making mountains out of tiny little molehills here.

How else do you describe something that you find out about totally unexpectedly. Something that upsets you because you hadn't realised, you are thinking what kind of parent am I not to have known. Something that becomes an additional worry to a parent who knows there kids are already growing up in what can be a tough world which will now possibly be made tougher.

I know that in this country we are lucky that being gay is much more widely accepted than 40 or 50 years ago or even currently in some countries where it is still illegal and villified.

But why do people keep picking up on single words that I use as a means to have a go.

I have had a shock.
I have been upset.
I will get over the shock and upset.
I will support my son.
I love my son unconditionally and his happiness is paramount.

That is really all you need to focus on.

[Deleted User]

robpw2 wrote: »

having a girlfriend in school is lot different to being attracted to girls/guys
in primary school one would assume he wasn't sleeping with them , its nothing more then a frined who is a girl

Yes I know what you mean, but it is still a crush and an attraction to a girl. I remember we spent an age searching for an appropriate present for her when we were on holiday. Spent most of his money on it.

Charliezoo

Most of my gay friends had girlfriends when they were younger, one was even engaged when he was 20 but realised it just wasn't right.

If its of any help at all my 2 best mates are both sucessful managers, go on 4 holidays a year, own their own beautiful home, drive sports cars and most of all have wonderful, close relationships with their mothers.

Wickedkitten

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I am not sure how many of you are parents of gay children but I suspect the majority of you are not speaking from experience but are imagining how you hope you would be but discussing what might happen is not the same as actually experiencing it. You normally discuss how you would handle the situation, the support you will give your child but at that moment you cannot possible imagine how the emotions will hit you.

But Troubled, you don’t even know if you are the parent of a gay child because as you said yourself, he was experimenting. Now if he actually at some point chooses to come out to you, cool, but you were actually considering telling your husband about something that you don’t even know for sure is true.

bitemebankers

Wickedkitten wrote: »

But Troubled, you don’t even know if you are the parent of a gay child because as you said yourself, he was experimenting.

This, exactly.

Many, many ostensibly straight people "experiment" with same-sex couplings when they're growing up, just as many gay people dabble with straight pairings. It's just a normal part of growing up.

heartbreak_star

Troubled_mum wrote: »

Yes I know what you mean, but it is still a crush and an attraction to a girl. I remember we spent an age searching for an appropriate present for her when we were on holiday. Spent most of his money on it.

This could have been written about me when I was part way through my teens...but flipped in a way, as I'm a girl. I have settled down with a man now...but my mum was not at all bothered that this lass appeared to be (and was, for a time) my partner. I would also not rule out women if I sadly split with my OH.

Let it go, OP. Seriously, let it go. He could have told you far worse things. If you start to feel a prejudice or another bad or selfish thought coming on, just think how lucky you are to have him and all the good things you know about him

I know you think you're helping by agonising over it, but all you're doing is making yourself ill and coming across worse than you mean.

HBS x

adouglasmhor

Troubled_mum wrote: »

I suppose the majority of gay people who have crossed my path have been camp

If your hubbie is a soldier and you have met some of his workmates some of them will have been gay, not openly and not camp, it's easier for a straight acting gay guy to be discrete about his sexuality and in the armed forces it's a choice many of them choose to take.

I suggest you have not known the sexuality of everyone you have met and only spotted the "camp" ones.