Nature or nurture

mazza111

suki1001 wrote: »

Incidentally - I have a friend who is a journalist. He can't tell us who, but he says you would be amazed how many premiership footballers who are gay.

Have you ever noticed there never seems to be many who've "come out"?

Is it really because they're all straight? Or is it because football isn't ready yet for them to come out?

The latter I believe.

Bufger

I do think boys that dont have a prominant male role model can be a bit girly in their earlier years but it doesnt make them gay. My brother in law was just like that (i knew him from the age of 8) and for years his aunties etc kept saying he'd be the gay one. Now he's at uni and he pretty much as a different woman every week! I make a joke of it to the family by saying 'he's certainly very convincing!!!' lol

I'd take no notice. if it starts to affect his relationship with your son then pull him up on it. Your son is a person, a child. No matter what his preference in life he still needs parents, friends and support.

mummybearx

I think what you have is a Mummy's boy, not a 'gay son'

I grew up without a mother, she died when I was three, so what does that make me? Straight cos I have a Dad? No, I'm straight because that's the way I am, it really has nothing to do with my parents or upbringing tbh

Tell your ex your son will be who he will be. It's his choice how he reacts to your son growing up and being what he will be x

*Louise*

samtoby wrote: »

Can someone please help me, advise me? Is it nature or nurture?

I think all children will become the person they are inside. Whether they are allowed to flourish or whether they are forced to hide who they really are will be the true reflection of your parenting skills.

It's not your 'fault' if he is gay and his Dad is a homophobic idiot. And I think he is probably exaggerating the situation as well tbh and being excessively nasty.

Just as an example, my eldest son is a quiet lad, he is into computers, chess, doesn't like football/rough sports and is always happy to help with housework and tries his hand at cooking. However, he has grown up with his Dad here permanently - he looks like a missing Mitchell brother and is very car/DIY orientated.:rotfl: They are nothing like each other AT ALL, yet have always been together.

It doesn't mean we think he is going to be gay, and in all honesty I don't care if he is, as long as he never feels he has to hide anything from me. I know you will be the same about your son, so your main issue is how to shield him from any of his Dad's comments. Is it something you can sit down and properly discuss with him at all? I don't think anything can be 'blamed' on your son growing up with females as examples.

peachyprice

suki1001 wrote: »

Incidentally - I have a friend who is a journalist. He can't tell us who, but he says you would be amazed how many premiership footballers who are gay.

Have you ever noticed there never seems to be many who've "come out"?

Is it really because they're all straight? Or is it because football isn't ready yet for them to come out?

Definitely Robbie Savage, how could he not be! He's so deep in denial he's drowning.

suki1001

peachyprice wrote: »

Definitely Robbie Savage, how could he not be! He's so deep in denial he's drowning.

I don't know who is. i think someone who was married to a well known pop star, there have been some scandals that were covered up I think, but then not sure if it's true or not.

I wonder if the op's ex found out whether he'd be relieved that his son didn't support football!

She could say she heard there were loads of gay footballers, so she thought she'd keep him from playing the sport in case it turned him!

Can't comment on the motorbikes though.

samtoby

suki1001 wrote: »

Your son sounds like a thinker. Mathematician, engineer type maybe? He sounds like he likes to do activities that keep his brain engaged. It strikes me that many of your high up eutrepreneurs such as Mark Zucherburg, Bill Gates etc probably more more interested in topics of the thinking variety, rather than the physical. Both married incidentally.

What a shame his dad is being so negative about his interest, wouldn't you think he'd encourage him in what he's interested in - the computers for example.

I have just asked my friends if they have any old computers he could have a tinker with. I am trying to have a positive attitude to helping him but when it gets battered when he goes up his Dads it does not help.

daska

LOL, he sounds exactly like DS1, who is absolutely lovely and so straight you could rule lines with him.

Not all males like football. Not all women like cooking.

Tell him his dad's like that because he's afraid of coming out.

cheepskate_2

suki1001 wrote: »

Incidentally - I have a friend who is a journalist. He can't tell us who, but he says you would be amazed how many premiership footballers who are gay.

Have you ever noticed there never seems to be many who've "come out"?

Is it really because they're all straight? Or is it because football isn't ready yet for them to come out?

See this is where its all wrong. Why does someone need to come out..............Do you pester your male friend/ uncle etc to tell you /prove that they are straight.

this world has a long way to go to accepting people for who they are

daisiegg

My little brother was a very 'girly' little boy. He was just intelligent and sensitive and although our dad was at home with us, he had a lot of influence from his two big sisters! We even used to dress him up in ballet outfits and put make up on him... I remember my mum being really upset when one of our aunties asked him when he was only about 9 if he was gay.

However, fast forward and he is now a strapping 18 yr old, plays guitar in a rock band, about to run his first marathon, and definitely NOT gay. He has not been without a steady girlfriend since he was 14 (not the same one all that time) and his current girlfriend is 2 years older than him and looks like a model! ....most importantly, he is still intelligent and kind and sensitive and we couldn't be more proud of him. I don't think having lots of overbearing females heavily involved in his life (mum, two big sisters, grandmother) who coddled him growing up did him any harm. And it certainly didn't 'make' him gay.

Your son sounds lovely and I'm sure he will turn out great, whether gay or straight!