Nature or nurture

samtoby

I don't care whether he is or not. I have no feeling he will be; but his Dad is expecting it so thats gospel. He is one of those type of people.

I think some people do have views about being homosexual and impose them on their children so they fear to tell them how they feel.

If our son does turn out gay I can not see his Dad ever speaking to him and if he does it will be with sarcasm and put him down. Its just the way he is.

I do try to just keep the peace his Dad is hard work sometimes and I find it easier to dismiss his behavior because if I respond to him it makes him worse. Our son will ask me about things like whether I loved his Dad and whether I still do although I know from a previous conversation these are not because our son wants to know, his dad has asked him to ask.

Its all very complicated but just because it is complicated between the two parents does not mean it needs to be comunicated to the children. I had this as a child and it left me with some sad scars that will never heal.

samtoby

daisiegg wrote: »

My little brother was a very 'girly' little boy. He was just intelligent and sensitive and although our dad was at home with us, he had a lot of influence from his two big sisters! We even used to dress him up in ballet outfits and put make up on him... I remember my mum being really upset when one of our aunties asked him when he was only about 9 if he was gay.

However, fast forward and he is now a strapping 18 yr old, plays guitar in a rock band, about to run his first marathon, and definitely NOT gay. He has not been without a steady girlfriend since he was 14 (not the same one all that time) and his current girlfriend is 2 years older than him and looks like a model! ....most importantly, he is still intelligent and kind and sensitive and we couldn't be more proud of him. I don't think having lots of overbearing females heavily involved in his life (mum, two big sisters, grandmother) who coddled him growing up did him any harm. And it certainly didn't 'make' him gay.

Your son sounds lovely and I'm sure he will turn out great, whether gay or straight!

Does he remember all the dressing up etc? Did your Dad ever say anything about the dressing up?

lostinrates

It was your reference to the sewing machine that made me reply. My husband sewed me a christmas stocking after i made him one the year before. He also picked up knitting really easily from my mother ( i am too tense and just end up with a tight taught knot. He has lots of female friends and is quite quiet and gentle. He is also as straight as they come and his 'sensitivity' and charm make him extremely attractive to many women. He was never going to be single and like your son OP, is helpful around the place and is pretty much the perfect husband.

Your son may be gay, or he may be straight, nothing you have said leads to any conclusion.

Most important is that he is happy, fulfilled and feels loved.

balletshoes

peachyprice wrote: »

Definitely Robbie Savage, how could he not be! He's so deep in denial he's drowning.

oooh prepare to be given a right telling-off from Janepig once she sees this !

suki1001

cheepskate wrote: »

See this is where its all wrong. Why does someone need to come out..............Do you pester your male friend/ uncle etc to tell you /prove that they are straight.

this world has a long way to go to accepting people for who they are

Edited.

There are clearly a lot of people in the world of professional football who guard their sexuality so much in case they're found out, they'll get married even. Where else in this country and this day and age do people have to be so secretive and guarded about their sexuality?

PoorCharleyBear

and strangely my two very close gay friends hate sewing cooking and cleaning....the two don't go together.

you cannot make someone gay and being a well rounded male means he will be inundated with friends and love interest in later years!

suki1001

samtoby wrote: »

I have just asked my friends if they have any old computers he could have a tinker with. I am trying to have a positive attitude to helping him but when it gets battered when he goes up his Dads it does not help.

How sad. Is the computer thing something "manly enough" his dad might help him with? Or can you ask him if he's got any mates who know about computer stuff?

lostinrates

Just thinking too....

I personally think positive male role models are underrated, whether for boys or girls, gay straight or polka dotted.

Dh was a few months ago told someing importantly cathartic by a friends son, and another friends toddler son adores my dad and quite likes dh. Male friends are often proud to be looked on as important 'sort of uncle' figures...again, this is not in attempt to define 'sexuality' which is neither here nor there. In fact, if we had children the male friend of ours i would hope would be a godfather is a gay man in a committed relationship, who is just everything i aspire to be as a person...happy, balanced, intelligent, well read and stable in his life. I would want him to be a godfather to a child of ours if it were male, female or inbetween I think.

samtoby

suki1001 wrote: »

How sad. Is the computer thing something "manly enough" his dad might help him with? Or can you ask him if he's got any mates who know about computer stuff?

He knows nothing about computers so what he doesn't know probably would not be worth knowing in his opinion!

samtoby

I am greatful for all of your opinions.